Escaping Rock Bottom
by LezzyB
Summary: Chandler Bing is suffering from a dark and deadly disease, and when he doesn't reach out, he feels he has nothing and no one left to live for. With Joey's help, will he be able to climb out of rock bottom and save himself? Or will he fall back into the hole and let the darkness consume him?
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I know. I need to finish Grimm's "The Family Tree," but this idea popped out at me. I NEEDED to write it.**

 **This is a Joey/Chandler ship.**

 **This does have graphic scenes of suicide.**

 **This is emotional, in my opinion.**

 **If you can handle that, keep reading!**

 **As an apology for not finishing "The Family Tree" right away, I'm uploading the whole story...**

* * *

 _You're being stupid,_ Chandler thought while rubbing a hand over his tired face. _Quit exaggerating everything._ _Rachel probably didn't even mean anything by what she said._

It was three in the morning and Chandler was wide awake. Once again, Chandler Bing was overthinking a situation. Once again, Chandler Bing was being ridiculous.

The situation he was talking about happened in the Central Perk coffee shop where he and the gang usually hung out. He normally loved being there with his closest friends, but for the past several months he has felt, for lack of a better term, off.

He knew it was coming, what with everyone else being in some sort of a relationship and all, and he was okay with it, really, but he felt a distance growing between him and everyone else. It felt as if they weren't as close as they used to be or, to rephrase, everyone else was moving on and Chandler was stuck where he had always been.

But he was okay with it, really.

Anyways, the situation Chandler was currently panicking about was when everyone was discussing their relationships. Ross was with Rachel, Monica was with Richard, and Phoebe was with Mike. Joey had left at this point, saying he had some things to take care of on the Days set.

Chandler watched as everyone sat with their significant others and talked happily while he just sat there and, well, watched. It wasn't the first time he hadn't felt included, but it hadn't hurt as much as it did right then.

Then Rachel just had to turn to him and make everything worse. "So Chandler," she had started, "You're awfully quiet over there. Do you have anyone in your life right now? Or are you just being quiet because you and she are keeping it secret?"

 _They're mocking me,_ a part of Chandler thought. _I don't have anyone and they're just trying to point it out to make fun of me._

Instead of retorting, Chandler smiled and turned it into a joke like he always did. "Nope, no secret girlfriend here. Well, unless you count the women on Baywatch, then maybe, but I think that's called – oh, what's the phrase – oh, right. Being a creep."

They all laughed at his joke, but then Rachel continued, albeit a little more tentative with the next question. "What about a boyfriend? Do you have a secret boyfriend?"

Chandler had told his friends about a year ago that he admits to being bisexual. It took him a long time to accept it due to obvious Daddy issues, but he was now completely fine with being open about it. He had even gone on a few not-too-great dates with some men.

"Again, no secret person is in my life. Promise. Scout's honor." He raised his hand to emphasize his point.

"Have you thought about dating? I mean, I haven't seen you with anyone in a long time."

Chandler smiled. "Don't worry, Rach. You don't have to save my love life." _It's already too far gone. I gave up a long time ago._

She nodded and towards Ross when he began speaking, not knowing the self-depreciating thoughts running through his head.

And that was it. That was all that was said to him about it, and here he was, being a complete idiot and overthinking everything.

 _Maybe I'm doomed to be alone._ Chandler thought miserably. _They're all so happy and I'm just there being miserable. They probably only come to Central Perk anymore because they feel bad for me. I'm holding them back from living their own happy lives. They could all be doing couple things like going on double, triple dates and playing those stupid couples' games. Instead they just hang out at Central Perk with me._

Chandler felt disgusted with himself. His friends should never feel obligated to hang out with him. He didn't ever want that to happen, but it appeared that it had. He would have to do something about that. He smiled sadly when he finally devised a way to get his friends to hang out with each other instead.

With a plan in mind and exhaustion overwhelming him finally at five in the morning, Chandler fell asleep with one more thought. _I'm doing the right thing. They don't need me being a nuisance in their lives._

Chandler woke up the following Thursday morning ready to begin implementing his plan. On his lunch break, he went down to Central Perk pretending to be in a rush. "Hey, Chandler!" Monica said cheerily. "What's got you in a rush?"

"Bunch of things going on at work," he lied. "I'm going to be working well into the weekend."

Monica frowned. "Are you going to make it to our game night on Saturday?"

Chandler shook his head. "Nah, sorry." He ordered a coffee to make it look like he had an actual reason to be there other than to deliberately cancel his attendance. "But hey, you can go out instead staying in. You all can go out to dinner!" He said, forcing himself to sound cheerful. "You don't need me to tag along, trust me. I'll just be boring anyways."

Chandler didn't see it because he was looking at Monica, but Phoebe gave him a look.

As if on cue, his coffee arrived. "Hey, look at that. I got to get going, Monica, but I'll see you later!" He waved at her and was out the door before anyone could question him.

It seemed like it went well to him, but he'll just have to wait and see. For now, however, he had to get back to work before his break was over.

After Chandler had walked out, Phoebe spoke up. "Hey, do you guys know what's wrong with Chandler lately? I'm kind of worried about him."

Ross was the one to answer her. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he's been acting weird. He's usually the first one to talk in a conversation, the first one to jump excitedly when plans are made. Now, he's kind of reserved. I've never seen him like this."

"Well," Rachel started. "He did just say he was busy with work. Maybe he's distracted."

"Maybe," Phoebe said, though she didn't sound convinced. She was worried about her friend, but was too scared to say anything. She could be wrong and Chandler could really be distracted by work.

Shrugging, she continued half-listening to Rachel and Ross talk about pop artists, wondering if she should talk to Chandler about what was going on in that head of his.

Chandler got back late because, as it turned out, there actually was a lot of work to be done. One of the IT systems they had received was dysfunctional, so the entire office was being reamed by Chandler's boss to fix it. Since he hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, he was exhausted when he came home at almost eleven at night.

Chandler almost collapsed on his bed and was about to fall asleep fully clothed in his work clothes when he heard the noises coming from the other room in his apartment – Joey's room.

And suddenly everything sucked again because it would be just like Chandler to have the biggest crush on his roommate and best friend. Hearing him with other women made Chandler just a tad bit jealous, but he always pushed the jealousy down before it could turn around and crush him.

But, as he had been feeling off for the past several months, the jealousy never came anymore. It was just replaced by pain and feelings of inadequacy. He would never be good enough for Joey. His best friend deserved someone a million times better than Chandler could ever even dream to be.

He slipped out of his clothes and into some pajamas before crawling into his bed, but Joey seemed intent on keeping him awake. How could two people have a sex drive like that? _Sex shouldn't last as long as that. There's no way!_

Eventually, the noises stopped in the other room, only to be replaced with a sound that sounded a lot like a smack. There was some yelling and Chandler got worried, so he got out of bed quickly to see what the fuss was about. It wasn't like he was tired anymore. He could go from being severely exhausted to wide awake in moments lately. _Maybe I'm drinking too much coffee..._ He thought absentmindedly as he opened his bedroom door.

He opened the door to Joey watching the girl slam the door behind her. "Hey, Joe. You okay?" Chandler said, clearing his throat because his voice was raspy from lack of use.

Joey turned to Chandler with a surprised look in his eyes. "Ch-Chandler! Hey! Yeah, I'm fine. No worries here. Sorry about waking you. I'll definitely not be bothering you anymore tonight." Then, Joey ran to his room and shut the door.

 _Well, that was weird..._ Chandler thought.

Shrugging, Chandler decided that since he was wide awake, he might as well go on a walk. He returned to his room and got dressed in a pair of torn jeans and an old Star Wars t-shirt he'd had since he'd seen the first movie. He remembered fondly how he thought the movie was going to be stupid and that his mother never should have taken him to see a "dork film." Now, though, he was glad his mother had taken him. It was a really great movie.

He hadn't seen a movie quite like it in a long time. _Probably because I haven't been to the movies in a while._ He mused.

He grabbed his jacket and was out the door in minutes. As he walked down the chilled streets of New York, his thoughts travelled to Joey. He let himself wonder what a relationship with him would be like. It brought a real smile to his face. _Funny,_ he thought. The smile felt foreign on his face, like it hadn't been there in a while.

He walked around a little more before he came to a restaurant. It was one of those late-night ones that were open at the ridiculous time Chandler was up. He looked in the window and saw something that surprised him.

It was Rachel, Ross, Monica, Richard, Phoebe, and Mike. _They must have lost track of the time._ He watched them silently through the window. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but they looked happy, really happy. In Central Perk, their smiles didn't hold a candle to the smiles they were wearing now. Chandler was right. They were happier without him.

So why did it hurt so much?

Chandler forced himself to look and walk away. The chill in the air was starting to bite and, when he looked towards the sky, he could see that it had begun to snow.

 _I should have brought a warmer jacket._

He sighed heavily, his breath visible in the cold, night air, before beginning his trek back to the apartment complex. He must have been pretty deep in thought because as he was walking across the street, a car barely missed him. He looked up with wide eyes as the guy shouted out his window at him, saying, "Are you suicidal, kid? Watch where you're going!"

"Sorry," Chandler mumbled, knowing the guy was already too far down the road to hear him, but felt the need to say it anyways.

After the initial shock of almost being hit died down, he briefly wondered what would have happened if the car had hit him. _I probably would have died._

That thought should have scared him, but it didn't. Shouldn't he be scared of dying? He probably should be but, at this point, death seemed almost preferable. He was going to die eventually anyways, and he would die old and alone. Why not end it sooner? Dying young seemed like there would be less pity. Plus, he was holding his friends back. Maybe if he were dead, his friends could live their own lives and truly be happy with their significant others. Yeah, they would be sad at first, but each of them would have someone to help them through it.

 _Except Joey,_ Chandler thought briefly, but he shook his head. Joey had his family. Joey's family would definitely help him through it. There was no way he would be alone.

Just to be safe, though, he would try to find out if everyone would really make it through his death. He didn't want anyone to be hurt irreparably. Though, he might be being a little self-centered in thinking that someone might care enough to be devastated by such an event. He wasn't sure.

 _This is all hypothetical, of course._ Chandler thought to himself. _I won't actually kill myself. Just..._

He laughed humorously. Who was he kidding?

Now, he just needed to get back into game night on Saturday.

Friday, Chandler had the day off. He woke up around ten in the morning, ready to start his day off with a hot cup of coffee. As he was walking towards the kitchen, he saw Joey coming out of his room as well, making him remember what had happened last night.

"Joey, hey. How are you? I'm guessing last night didn't go so well with that girl considering I'm not here making pancakes." He said, trying to joke.

Joey looked up and glared. "No need to rub it in, Chandler."

Chandler's eyes widened. "I-I'm sorry... That's not what I meant at all. I'm really sorry!"

Joey's glare immediately softened at Chandler's frightened words. "It's okay, Chandler. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"No, you're right," Chandler nodded quickly. "I shouldn't have said something like that. It was completely uncalled for. I'm really sorry."

 _I'm such an asshole,_ Chandler thought while chewing on his bottom lip. _What a great way to start the day._

Joey watched Chandler carefully, wondering just what was going through his head. With an outburst like that, it couldn't be good. _I hope he's okay..._ Joey said. If it were anyone else, he might have asked, but he felt like he would be overstepping his boundaries with Chandler if he did, so he stayed silent while he ate breakfast.

Eventually, Joey left, saying he had to leave for the Days set again, leaving Chandler alone. The brunet decided that he would go see what Monica and Rachel were doing. When he knocked, Monica opened the door. "Chandler! You're just the person I needed to see!" She said excitedly.

"R-really?" Chandler said, like it was either the most amazing or the most terrifying thing he had ever heard. "What's up?"

"Well, we're trying to decide who is hotter. It's either Joey or Jennifer Love Hewett. You are the perfect one to ask because you shoot for both teams!"

Chandler blushed, but followed Monica into her apartment. "Look who I found! He'll end this discussion once and for all!"

They all turned to Chandler, waiting for his response. He just shrugged, saying, "It's not really a competition, but Joey's definitely the better looking one. Plus, Joey's more reachable, more relatable, so I'm definitely going with Joey."

Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe all cheered loudly and, though the guys lost, they still looked excited.

Did he miss something?

Monica pulled Chandler to sit on the couch next to her while they all talked animatedly about various subjects. Chandler let them talk, not wanting to interrupt and say something completely rude or off topic like he always did. He already was intruding on their little get-together as it was, so he stayed quiet, resisting the sudden urge to pull his knees to his chest.

Phoebe, who was on the other side of Chandler, leaned over to him and whispered, "You're being awfully quiet over there. What's on your mind?"

 _Oh, you know, just realizing that I'm not a good friend if I can't find a reason to contribute to the conversation in a positive way._ "Nothing." He said simply.

She paused at the simple statement, then began to ask, "Are you okay, Chandler?"

Chandler looked at her in confusion. Why was she asking that? "Huh? Y-yeah. I'm fine. Just a lot of things to think about today!" He said with a heavily forced smile.

She nodded and Chandler prayed she bought it. His friends didn't need to hear about his petty problems. What kind of friend would he be if he dumped all his menial problems onto them? So, he just left his statement at that and continued to be silent.

He also pointedly ignored the worried look he was receiving from Phoebe and forced himself to listen to his other friends.

Chandler had zoned out at one point when Monica shoved him to coherency. "Did you hear me, Chandler?"

"Huh?" He said eloquently.

She laughed and Chandler shrunk in on himself a little more. "We were wondering if you remembered that time a couple years ago when you made out with everyone at the Christmas party."

Rachel laughed. "Yeah, we were seriously worried that you'd finally lost it because we didn't realize you had that much to drink!"

Chandler folded his arms around his chest. "Y-yeah. I'm sorry about that..."

Monica chuckled. "No need to apologize. It was really funny, especially when you kissed Ross."

"No comment." Ross mumbled.

"Oh!" Rachel yelled excitedly. "Remember when you dived off the diving board at that swimming pool and your swim trunks came off?"

Monica cheered. "I remember! Joey went in and saved you! I remember how mortified you were."

Chandler's cheeks were red by this point. These stories were times that Chandler wasn't exactly comfortable talking about, and his friends seemed to think it was okay to laugh at them. _It's okay,_ Chandler thought. _At least they're having fun. Don't ruin it._

Richard and Mike were enthralled by these stories of Chandler's misfortune. They were laughing as well, and as Rachel and Monica told stories about his most embarrassing moments, Chandler eventually gave in and hugged his knees to his chest.

 _I – I have to get out of here._ Chandler thought, his breathing picking up. _I can't..._

Chandler suddenly stood up, mumbled something about having work to do even though it was his day off, and ran to the bathroom to throw up the little he had eaten that day.

He sat there on the bathroom floor and calmed his breathing. He didn't want to pass out and have Joey find him unconscious. That would raise to many questions and Joey didn't need to be bothered by his misery.

 _I'm so fucking pitiful. Look at me. I can't even take a joke._ Chandler sighed, his breath shaky from trying to prevent himself from crying. _I can't do anything right..._

Chandler sat on the bathroom floor for hours, telling himself he would not cry and to get over himself. It wasn't until Joey got home that he stood up and placed a smile on his tear-stained face. If Joey noticed, he never said anything about it.

Saturday morning he woke up gasping for air. He couldn't remember what his dream was, just that he couldn't breathe. He calmed his breathing for several minutes before shakily walking out to the living room.

In the kitchen was Joey. "Hey, Chan! I heard that you can't make it to game night tonight! It's gonna suck now that you're not there."

Chandler forced a smile. "Nah, it's okay Joey. You won't even notice I'm gone."

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm gonna be there. Turns out the problem at work was able to be fixed easier than the boss thought, so work isn't going to hold me over." Smooth.

Joey's face lit up. That was not what Chandler wanted to see. Joey shouldn't be that happy because he was coming to game night. Joey could be a little happy, but since Chandler was trying to figure out if his presence would truly be missed, he needed Joey to be less happy.

"Great!" Joey said. "Now we can kick ass at Scategories. I hate it when I get put on anyone else's team but yours. No one understands what I'm trying to say!"

Chandler chuckled. "I think you're thinking of Charades, Joey."

"Right, that's what I meant." Then Joey smiled. "See? You're the perfect teammate!"

Chandler went to the fridge and pulled out some food. He wasn't really that hungry, but he was sure Joey was. "You want some eggs, Joe?"

Joey practically jumped at the mention of food. "Always."

Chandler was serving the food before Joey spoke again. "Hey, Chandler..." He began, suddenly sounding reserved.

"What's up, Joey?"

"Can I ask you for some advice?"

Chandler nodded. "Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything." Chandler rolled his eyes at his own statement. "Could I _be_ any more of a girl?"

Joey smiled softly at that. "I think I finally met someone who I really want to be with, but I don't want to screw up what we've already got going."

Chandler's heart dropped. Pushing his heartbreak aside, he focused on helping his best friend. "O-oh?" He said dumbly. "And what do you need my advice for? Relationships aren't exactly what I'm good at." He said with a sheepish smile.

"Well, what would you do? I mean, if you were in my position, what would you do?"

Chandler thought about that. "Well, I don't really know. I guess I haven't really thought about that." He pondered. "But if I'm already friends with someone that I wanted to date, I would probably take them to a place where we share the most memories. Maybe it's the first place we met, or take them to see the first movie we found out we had in common. I know I would like that if someone did that for me, so maybe it'll work out for whoever you want to be with."

Joey looked as if he were absorbing everything Chandler said earnestly. "Thank you, Chandler. I appreciate it. You won't regret it!"

Chandler forced another smile. _Good. Joey has found someone._ "So, when do I get to meet this person?"

Joey smiled. "You'll get to meet them eventually. I want to make sure they feel the same way before I let them meet you though, okay?"

Chandler nodded. "Well, I gotta get ready for work, but I'll see you later, okay, Joe?"

Joey smiled brightly. "Alright! I can't wait!"

Chandler couldn't even think about work at this point. It didn't even seem like it mattered anymore. The only reason he was putting in any effort at all was because he would feel bad if he didn't. He didn't want to be the reason something bad happened to the business he worked for.

When he got home, he quickly changed out of his clothes, mentally preparing himself for game night. He didn't really want to go at this point, but he had to figure out if they would make it through his death. It was bugging him whether or not they could or not.

At work he had devised another plan so they wouldn't get too suspicious of why he was asking if they would care if he died. So, as he and Joey walked into Monica and Rachel's apartment, he was well-prepared for his questioning.

They were talking about their jobs, and Chandler thought this was the perfect opportunity to bring up his plan. "Hey, guys. Speaking of jobs, I actually have to ask you guys something. It's for my job. We are creating a system that will help identify people with severe depression through a series of questions. I wanted to know what a common response to these questions is so we can create an accurate system."

They all nodded, eager to help their friend. It was the perfect plan, really. None of them really cared about what he did for a living, so he could make virtually anything up about his job and no one would bat an eye.

He came up with several bullshit questions before coming to the real question he wanted answered. "If you guys lost a close friend, for example, me, how hard or easy would you take it?"

Phoebe was quick to answer. "I don't think we would really get over it. If we lost you, Chandler, it would hurt us in a way that couldn't be fixed. The death of a loved one is not something anyone really gets over. You just get used to the pain."

And that was it. That was what he needed to hear. It wasn't a perfect response, but the fact that they could get used to the pain was enough for Chandler. They didn't need him. They would live without him. He smiled. "Thanks guys! I know my boss will appreciate the feedback. Now, let's move away from this lame topic and on with game night!"

They nodded, but Phoebe was still staring at him. Joey seemed to be giving him a look as well, but he pretended not to notice.

Game night was a lot of fun for everyone, but Chandler was pulling back a lot. Usually he was up and center, but he couldn't find as much interest in Monopoly like he used to. Plus, he was starting to second guess himself on this whole dying thing.

The moment he said the word depression earlier, he couldn't help but wonder whether he was depressed. People with depression had suicidal thoughts. If he was depressed, then his suicidal thoughts would be because he was sick and not because he was trying to do what was best for his friends. _That's ridiculous,_ he thought. _I'm not depressed. I have no reason to be depressed. I have a job that pays really well and the best friends I could ever ask for._ He was suddenly overwhelmed with the self-loathing and anger. _When did I become such a whiny bitch?_ He laughed inwardly. _Depressed? That's for people with real problems, real struggles! What makes me think that I have a right to say I'm anywhere near depressed?_  
Suddenly, he stood up. "Hey, guys. I'm really tired. I think I'm going to head to bed early. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, Chandler, you have been working a lot of extra hours this week." Joey said. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Chandler shook his head. "Thank you, but I don't need help getting into bed. Promise." He joked.

Joey nodded. "Well, g'night, Chan."

"Night, Joe."

Chandler practically rushed to his room before collapsing on his mattress and screaming into his pillow. He was a sobbing mess within seconds. He kept his cries muffled by the pillow, but he couldn't stop them from happening. Why was he so pathetic? He even went as far as to pity himself briefly for thinking he was depressed. What a self-centered, dick move. He deserved what was coming to him. He deserved to die. What person would say they had something as serious as depression when they clearly didn't?

And now look at him, crying into a pillow. Seriously? Jesus, he was such a baby.

He was a complete asshole. His thoughts travelled to every wrong thing he had done. When he had first met Joey, he was going to trade him for another roommate because the other roommate would introduce him to models. He chose women over an actual friend.

He remembered how his friends hadn't celebrated Thanksgiving with a real turkey in God knows how long all because his parents separated on that day. Parents get divorced all the time. Why did he have to ruin a special holiday because of it?

And don't forget about all the women and men he has called "terrible." Were they really so bad? He thought back to them and realized he picked out their flaws and focused entirely too much on them. He was looking for a perfect person when there was no such thing, for one, and even if there was a perfect person, why would they want to be with him of all people? They could do so much better.

All these thoughts plagued him for several days. Every night, he fell asleep crying, hating himself each morning for how pathetic he was.

But hey, at least he could fall asleep before three in the morning this time.

A week went by before Chandler saw his opportunity.

"Hey, Chandler!" Joey said one night. "I'm actually going to be out pretty late tonight. I don't know if I'll be home, so don't wait up for me, okay?"

Chandler nodded distractedly. "I won't. Thanks for telling me."

Joey looked at his friend for a moment. "Chandler, are you okay? You've seemed kind of down lately."

Chandler turned to face his friend with the best smile he could muster. "Yeah, Joe. I'm fine. Just distracted."

Joey nodded. "Well, get those distractions out of your head. You're here, not wherever those distractions are."

Chandler blinked. "You make more sense than you think sometimes, and that scares me."

Joey smirked. "Thanks!"

"It wasn't a compliment..."

"Well, I'll just take it as exactly that!"

The Italian man suddenly stood. "Well, I better take off. I'm going to get the supplies I need to finally ask that person out."

Chandler smiled. "Alright. Good luck."

"Thanks, Chan."

Suddenly, Chandler's voice was surprisingly small. "Joey?"

"Yeah?"  
"Thank you, you know, for always being there for me." He said, purposefully avoiding Joey's gaze.

Joey nodded. "That's what I'm here for. You mean the world to me, Chandler."

Because Chandler wasn't looking, he didn't see the sudden battle that went across Joey's features before settling to a more resolved look. "I'll see you later, Chandler."

"Goodbye, Joey."

Once the man was out the door, Chandler was finally alone. He went to his room and opened the drawer that he kept locked at all times. Inside were five letters, one for each of his friends. He knew he wouldn't be able to say goodbye in person, but this would let him do just that.

He taped Joey's to his door and left the rest on the counter, hoping the man would see them and deliver them if he came home with whoever this mysterious person Joey had been talking about. Whoever she was, Chandler hoped she knew how lucky she was.

Walking back into his room, he locked his door and opened the bottle of sleeping pills Monica had given him when he started complaining about how he couldn't sleep. He had gotten used to the lack of sleep, but it didn't really matter right now, did it?

One by one, he swallowed the pills until the entire bottle was empty. He laid there in his bed, throwing the empty bottle between his hands until his vision started to sway.

Suddenly, a searing pain emanating from his stomach hit him. He shakily unlocked his door and ran to the bathroom, the pill bottle still gripped in his hand, and threw up in the toilet repeatedly. His breathing was fast and he was sweating profusely.

In the movies they portray suicide by pills as a peaceful event. Chandler was quickly finding out that this was not the case.

 _I deserve this pain. Every single bit of it._

He suddenly felt very dizzy and could barely breathe. His body felt unusually heavy, so he laid his body on the tile of the bathroom floor, unable to lift himself up. The pain was overriding his every sense. Slowly, he slid into unconsciousness, hoping that this would be the last time he ever felt so much pain.

 _I love you, Joey._


	2. Chapter 2

Joey ran up the steps to his and Chandler's apartment, cursing himself for forgetting his wallet. _How do you forget your wallet? You were halfway to the store and you_ just _realized you forgot your wallet?_

Joey walked in to the apartment and called out, "Hey, Chandler! I forgot my wallet so I came back."

There was no response. _Maybe Chandler went to sleep early. He's been doing that lately..._

Joey had noticed Chandler's funk. The Italian man hoped that what he had planned tonight would cheer the man up.

 _Hopefully..._ Joey thought, an uncharacteristic amount of uncertainty in his thoughts. He was going to finally ask Chandler to be with him tonight, well, tomorrow morning. He had the whole day planned out. He was going to decorate the apartment and they were going to spend the day watching all those nerdy movies Chandler loves before he asked him.

But first, he needed his wallet so he could buy the damn supplies for tonight. _Where the Hell is it? Is it on my desk?_

He started to open the door to his room before he suddenly stopped, seeing a letter taped to his door. It was addressed to him, so he opened it and began to read:

 _Joey,_

 _I don't really know how to say this, but I'm going to do it in the best way I know how: awkwardly and with lots of fumbles._

 _You're my best friend, Joey, and you've never let me down. Every single time I see you I see a wonderful man that any woman would be lucky to have. By the way, I hope that girl says yes to you. I'm sorry I won't be there to meet her like I said I would. You can add that to the list of all the times I've lied to you or let you down._

 _I'm not a good person, Joey, and I know this. I don't deserve to live. I'm the most selfish, self-centered person on the planet and no one should want to ever be around me, which is why I don't really know why you've stayed my friend for so long. You're too good to be tainted by me._

 _Should I be writing this in the past tense? I don't know how these letters are supposed to work._

 _Don't be sad for me, Joey. I don't deserve your tears. Whoever this girl is, let her help you through this. Hey, maybe you can bond over it and I'll finally have done something right._

 _Thank you, Joey, for always being there for me._

 _Chandler_

 _P.S. Don't open my door. Just call 911 and they'll come get me._

Fear gripped Joey like nothing he'd ever felt in his life. He rushed to Chandler's door, wanting to open it, but he thought rationally for just a split second and ran to Monica and Rachel's door.

With tears flowing and his voice quaking, he banged on the door as loud as he could and screamed, "Monica, Rachel, _somebody!_ Fuck, _please,_ call 911!"

Monica, with Rachel hot on her heels, was at the door at the sound of Joey's voice and opened it with a worried expression on her features. "Joey?"

But Joey was already running back to his apartment. He opened Chandler's door, expecting the worst, but the man wasn't in there. He ran out of Chandler's room and saw that the bathroom door was cracked and the light was on. _No, please..._

He opened the door carefully in case Chandler was behind it and what he saw crushed him to his very soul.

There on the tile floor was Chandler, clutching a pill bottle in his unmoving hand. He sank to his knees, his legs unable to support him anymore, and crawled over to Chandler. He lifted his lifeless form into his arms as sobs wreaked havoc through his entire body.

By now, the entire floor was surrounding their apartments wondering what the noise was all about. Rachel ran towards Joey's anguished cries, wondering what had Joey in such a state and needing more information to tell the cops, but when she saw Joey clutching Chandler like it would bring him back, she screamed Chandler's name in such a bloodcurdling manner that everyone within hearing distance shuddered.

Monica, however, was decidedly calmer. Now was not the time to panic. She had to stay strong for her friends. That didn't mean she wasn't crying profusely. "Ma'am? What has happened?" The emergency operator asked.

She gave them Joey's address. "P-please... Hurry. My friend, Chandler, he's... suicide... I don't know what to do!"

The operator put two and two together. "Check for a pulse. If he's still alive there's a chance he could still live. I'm calling for paramedics now. What's your location?"

But Monica had already put the phone down and ran to the other apartment, yelling at Joey to check for a pulse. With shaking hands that he forced to still, he moved Chandler's neck to feel for a beat.

Joey sobbed in relief when he felt the faint flutter of his heart. "Mon, it's there, _it's there._ It's not all the way there, but it's there."

Monica ran back to her apartment to the phone. She yelled an address into the phone before screaming, "There's a pulse!"

"Good. Stay on the line with me. The paramedics will be there in less than two minutes."

The paramedics actually arrived in one minute and two seconds. Monica counted. She hung up with the operator when she heard Joey fighting with the paramedics to let go of Chandler.

She marched over to their apartment with a murderous glare in her bloodshot eyes. "Joseph Tribbiani, if you don't hand him to the paramedics and he dies because of it I will _never_ forgive you!"

Joey let Chandler go – albeit reluctantly – to the paramedics and they rushed him to the hospital. Monica immediately began barking orders. "Rachel, call Phoebe and Ross. I'll call Richard. Joey, go the hospital and learn everything you can about his condition and call me if _anything_ changes, you got it?"

Joey nodded and headed out the door while Rachel pulled out a cell phone.

Within twenty minutes Phoebe, Mike, Rachel, Ross, Monica, Richard, and Joey were all in the hospital waiting on any news about Chandler. Everyone but Joey was sitting silence. Joey couldn't just sit and wait. He had to do what he did best. Make a fuss and don't give up until you make it. He had gotten a lot of acting gigs that way. Maybe his skill could help Chandler get better faster. He was yelling at nurses every hour on the hour to tell him everything they knew about his best friend. They were surprisingly patient and kind even though Joey wasn't giving them the same respect. They must have understood what he was going through.

While Joey stared at the clock, Monica walked up to him. "Joey... I'm... I'm sorry about what I said at the apartment. I didn't mean to yell at you like that, I just..." Her voice broke a little at the end, but she held strong to her composure.

Joey nodded. "I know, Monica. I would have said the same thing. I don't think I would forgive me either."

"Do you think he'll be okay?" She asked after a period of silence.

Joey watched down the hall as a doctor came directly towards them. "I'm not sure, but I'm sure we'll find out here in a second."

The doctor walked straight towards Joey. "Your friend is responding well to the treatment. We have pumped his stomach and have him on a ventilator; if he wakes up we'll take him off of it."

"What do you mean, 'if he wakes up?' He's going to wake up." Joey said leaving no room for interpretation.

The doctor eyed Joey with sympathy. "It is common for patients similar to your friend's condition to slip into a coma. These next few days will be crucial for your friend's recovery. Your friend took a significant dosage of sleeping pills. He took three times the amount that would have killed anyone else. So far, everything looks normal, which should be impossible with the amount of pills he took, but we've ran the tests several times. It's truly a miracle that your friend has survived as long as he has."

"Doc, can you give me a real answer? Give me something, anything. It doesn't have to be medical. Just something." Joey begged.

"Well, if I'm speaking frankly and not as a doctor, I would say that if your friend keeps going the way he's going, he'll pull through with no problem.

"But as a doctor, I'm here to tell you to be skeptical. He could slip at any time. We won't know anything concrete until he either wakes up or slips into a coma."

Joey nodded solemnly and shook the doctor's hand. "Thank you."

Monica ran back to tell the gang the good news. Joey could see the small amount of relief washing over them, but Joey couldn't even share that small amount with them. He wouldn't feel that relief until he saw with his own eyes that Chandler would be okay.

Three days went by before Chandler woke up. They weren't allowed to see him until he woke, but they all stayed around the hospital, waiting for any change in his condition.

Joey was there when he woke up. The doctors rushed to his room to get the tubes out of his throat, but after that, Joey was almost immediately able to see him. When the doctors gave him the go-ahead he ran as fast as he could to the room number he was given.

Joey stood in the doorway, frozen as they locked eyes. Joey could see the pain and anguish in his eyes and, to his horror, that same look had been in his eyes for several months and _no one had noticed._

Joey walked silently in to sit by Chandler. He didn't say a word; neither did Chandler. All he did was hold a cup of water with a straw to Chandler's lips so he could drink.

Chandler, never one for silence, was going to say something, but Joey stopped him. "Don't. Just, please. Let me enjoy the fact that you're alive right now, okay? I know it's selfish, but I... I need this."

Chandler nodded and stayed silent. He watched Joey with terrified eyes, waiting for the man to say something, _anything,_ but the silence dragged on.

About five more minutes passed before Joey said anything. "When I saw you on the floor, Chandler, I thought I had lost you forever. I've never been so scared in my life. I saw you and I... I couldn't stand. I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to let you go."

Joey looked straight into his closest friend's eyes before saying, "Chandler, I'm begging you, I'm pleading with you, please, don't _ever_ do that again. If not for you, then for me or any of our friends. I don't care who it is, just _stay alive._ "

Chandler looked away. He knew he didn't deserve to live, so why was Joey fighting him on this?

"I discussed with the doctors about the conditions of you leaving the hospital. They want to keep you in a suicide watch ward, but I'm pretty sure you'd go crazy, so I convinced the doctor to let you come home, but they're clearing out the apartment as we speak. No knives, no razors, no medicine. You can shave, but you have to ask me first. Otherwise, everything is going to be locked up. Monica agreed to hide them wherever she hides her Christmas presents so don't bother looking. The doctor said that if you try to... if you try to do that again, he'll take you from the apartment and send you to the ward."

Chandler nodded. He was officially on suicide watch.

"And Chandler?" Joey started. "You don't believe me now, but I'm going to help you find your will to live. I don't know what I'd do without you, so I'm not going to give up, okay?"

Chandler stared at Joey with wide eyes. Joey was doing all of this for him? "Why?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Joey looked at him in astonishment. "Isn't it obvious? Chandler, I... I love"-

Just then, the entire group ran into the room, tears in their eyes. Phoebe was the first to reach him, but Chandler felt a sudden painful twinge on the side of his arm where she had hit him. "Don't you do that again, Chandler Bing!" She sobbed. "You can't do that! I won't allow it! If you had died..." She collapsed on top of him, sobbing and hugging him profusely while Mike went over and attempted to pull her away.

Monica and Rachel were decidedly a little calmer, but they nodded their heads to what Phoebe was saying.

Chandler was astonished by their actions. He did not expect there to be this many tears. He didn't want them to be sad. He knew they would be sad, but not this. He chewed on his bottom lip to keep from making their tears worse. He was sure that if he said anything, they would just get more upset. He didn't want that.

Soon enough, the doctor came in and explained the situation. "I'll be keeping you for one more night, but if your vitals remain where they are you should be able to go home.

"Now, Mr. Bing, we have organized with your employer that you will receive paid leave under the stipulation that you go to therapy twice a week." Chandler glared at this, but let the doctor continue. "It can be any method of therapy you desire. You can do one-on-one, group therapy, or a special arrangement can be made where you can bring someone you're comfortable with, whatever you decide."

Chandler didn't like to be put on the spot, but he agreed to the one-on-one session. _No need for someone else to hear my pointless problems..._

The doctor nodded and gave him a business card with the days he would be seeing the therapist. Chandler sighed, defeated. _Now I'm going to a shrink. How crazy can I get?_

Joey heard the sigh and quickly spoke. "You're not crazy, Chandler. The therapist can help you."

Chandler looked at Joey skeptically. "You know, everyone jokes about Phoebe being psychic, but are we all sure that it's not you?"

Joey chuckled. "I'm not psychic, Chandler. I just know you too well." _Apparently not enough if you can't even tell when he's so depressed that he was willing to kill himself._

Chandler nodded. Everyone stayed for several hours until they were forced to leave. Joey stared at Chandler worriedly, and the man huffed. "You can go home, Joey. Look, I'm not gonna kill myself tonight. They have me in restraints, see?" Chandler lifted his arms for emphasis, thought he couldn't raise them very far due to said restraints.

That statement worried Joey. It made him wonder if Chandler would try to kill himself if he weren't in restraints, making him want to stay even more. "But..."

"Joey, go home before they kick you out and I never get to see you because they banned you from the hospital."

Joey nodded solemnly, but before he left he walked over to Chandler and kissed his forehead. "Wh-wha...?" Chandler said stupidly.

Joey smiled softly. "It's to give you something else to think about tonight. Goodnight, Chandler."

Then, just like that, Joey left. "What?!" Chandler finally yelled down at Joey's retreating form. "You cannot leave, Joey! You cannot leave without some sort of explanation!" He could see Joey's shoulders moving, signaling his soft laughter as he walked away. "Don't you laugh at me! Get back here and give me a Goddamn explanation you asshole!"

"Goodnight, Chandler!" Joey shouted before he turned down a hallway and out of eyesight.

Chandler glared at the spot he was standing in, muttering something about stupid Italians. Chandler laid in his bed, absentmindedly pulling at his restraints as he unknowingly did exactly what Joey said he would do: think about something else.

 _Joey kissed me. Joey kissed me._ His thoughts didn't leave that phrase for a while before the first question entered his mind. _Why?_

 _Maybe he feels bad for me and wants to get with me out of pity._ Chandler shook his head. _That doesn't make sense. Joey's not gay. If I was a girl, that would make sense, but I'm obviously a guy so..._

Chandler furrowed his brow in confusion. _Maybe he did it to spur unnecessary thoughts so I would stop thinking about suicide and think of something else?_ Chandler shook his head at that as well. _No, he could have done anything else. A kiss is a little extreme._

That left only one feasible option in Chandler's mind. _Maybe he actually does like me?_ Chandler actually laughed at that. _Yeah, right. Joey could never like me. I mean, he's... he's Joey, for Christ's sake! Why would he want someone like me? I mean, I'm annoying, unattractive, self-centered, insecure, and now suicidal on top of that..._

 _Joey's so kind. He's fun and carefree. He's naïve, but not so much that it shrouds his senses. He knows when to be serious and when he doesn't have to be. And, when you really get to know him, he's surprisingly smart. Maybe not book smart, but a different kind of smart. He may not be able to tell you the difference between 'steak' and 'stake,' but he can make you see life in a whole new light with the experiences he's had and advice that he gives._

Chandler gave this a lot of thought, suddenly seeing that Joey, despite everything, might actually want him. _There's no other reason he would kiss me, even if it was on the forehead. Either I'm missing something or he really does want to be with me._

 _He might just want sex,_ a darker part of Chandler thought. _He's never wanted a relationship before. Why now, and with you of all people?_

Chandler shook that thought off. If he wanted sex, he would go to anyone else, not the mentally unstable best friend.

As exhaustion hit Chandler and his eyes drifted closed, he wondered briefly if Joey would ever want to be with him. For the first time in months, Chandler fell asleep smiling.

Though he fell asleep with a smile, his dreams did not return the favor, and a nightmare plagued his slumber.

He was in the apartment with Joey and they were enjoying themselves while watching a movie, then Joey suddenly disappeared and Chandler felt cold. The dream shifted and he couldn't breathe, so he fell to the floor. Someone reached a hand to help him up and he gripped it, but he saw that it was himself. This Chandler had white eyes and was cold to the touch. His lips were blue and his skin was pale with the touch of death. "It doesn't matter if he loves you. He'll leave you and you'll come back to me. Just embrace me and your pain will end."

Then Chandler nodded and he closed his eyes. Right before what he guessed was the dead version of himself could kiss him, he heard a voice, yelling at him. Opening his eyes he saw that Joey was gripping his shoulders and shaking him. "Chandler! Don't do this. Wake up!"

Chandler was confused. "Wake up? What are you talking about?"

"Chandler! Breathe! Wake up!"

Then, all of a sudden, Chandler sat up in bed and gasped as he took in a large breath of air. He turned and saw very frightened Joey standing next to several nurses. "J-Joey?" He panted. "What... happened?"

Joey sighed a relieved breath, standing back to let the nurses check Chandler's vitals. "You... you stopped breathing. You looked terrified, too, like you were trapped in whatever you were dreaming about. The doctors were about to stick more tubes down your throat."

Chandler shuddered but nodded. When the nurses determined that Chandler was okay and that it was just some kind of active dream, they left. Joey looked like he wanted to ask what his dream was about, but he didn't and Chandler was thankful for that. He pulled his knees to his chest, then realized that he wasn't restrained anymore. Upon his confusion, Joey explained, "I couldn't stand seeing you tied up like a prisoner. It didn't feel right..."

Chandler nodded again. "Are we allowed to go?" He asked, itching absentmindedly at the hospital gown he was wearing.

Joey nodded enthusiastically. "Yep! I got all the paperwork sorted out for you. Apparently you put me as your power of attorney. The doctors don't think you're..." Joey trailed off, not sure how to correctly word his sentence without sounding offensive.

"They don't think I'm mentally stable enough to make solid decisions for my health?" Chandler finished for him with a sad smile.

Joey blushed and looked away. "Y-yeah... I'm sorry..."

Chandler waved a hand. "I'm probably not right in the head in the medical sense. I did try to kill myself, probably would do it again if given the chance, but that's neither here nor there."

"Chandler..."

Chandler winced at the pained look on Joey's face, but he continued. "Just stating the truth, Joe. You're dealing with a real basket case, here," he said, gesturing to himself.

Joey pulled up a chair and sat next to Chandler, cupping his cheek with one of his hands. With the other, he took Chandler's hand with the I.V. coming out of it, gently rubbing over the inserted needle. Chandler blushed at the gentle gesture, looking at Joey with wide eyes. "I'll just have to find a way to fix you, huh?"

Chandler blushed harder at the statement, then stammered out, "W-well... I-I'm not s-sure you can d-do that s-so easily... L-look at the e-entertainment c-center..." He said, remembering the time Joey had sawed his door in half from trying to build their entertainment center. He smiled, but pointedly looked down at his white bedsheets.

Joey chuckled at his friend's sudden stutter. He found it endearing, despite what they were talking about. Joey lifted Chandler's hand and kissed the spot where the needle entered his skin, making Chandler suck in a breath. "I'll go get a doctor so we can get these needles out, okay?"

Chandler just stared at Joey dumbly, making the Italian man chuckle again before standing up and walking out to grab the doctor.

As they walked out, Chandler had a frown on his face as he listened to the doctor. "Now, remember. You have to go to therapy twice a week, or you won't get your paycheck. I've already set up the first appointment with the psychiatrist, but the rest will have to be done by you, Mr. Bing."  
"Do I have to go to therapy? I already know I'm crazy, so can't you just give me my crazy meds and let me be on my way?" Chandler grumbled.

Instead of the doctor, Joey answered. "Chan, you're going to therapy whether you like it or not. I'll drag you there if I have to."

Chandler glared at his... what were they now? Boyfriends? Friends with benefits? Friends who sometimes shared affectionate moments? Chandler would have to come back to this. "Hey, you're not the one who has to go. You're not the one that has to go sit in a room with some random person that you don't know and talk about your problems that you don't need resolved!"

"And that is exactly why you're going to therapy, Chandler."

Chandler's glare deepened, but then he got an idea. "Hey, Doc. You said earlier that I could have a special therapy session with someone who I trust in the room, right?"

The doctor, knowing what Chandler was trying to do, said, "Yes, but you will still be the primary focus of the session. Your friend here won't be asked to do or say anything unless it would benefit you."

Chandler nodded. "Give me that guy's business card. I'll talk to him."

The doctor pulled out a business card from his coat. Regardless of his patient's reasoning, having Mr. Tribbiani in the room with him might be more beneficial than Mr. Bing would originally think. "You'll have to attend your first few sessions with the one-on-one psychiatrist due to time constraints, but we'll get you in with the other one as soon as we can, alright, Mr. Bing?"

Chandler nodded, grinning at Joey like he had won a battle against him. Personally, Joey was happy that Chandler would allow him in such a private session. He knew Chandler thought he was getting back at Joey for taunting him by forcing him to go through therapy with him, but Joey still appreciated the gesture.

As the doctor waved them off, Joey drove them home. He didn't say anything to Chandler, but this would be Joey's first time home since he found Chandler on the bathroom floor. He just couldn't bring himself to sleep in the apartment when his best friend and possibly the love of his life almost died in that very place.

Chandler looked around the apartment and suddenly felt very awkward. Not knowing what to say, his mind jumped for ideas and landed on 'morbid humor.' "Huh," he began, "I never thought I'd come back here."

Joey turned and glared heavily at Chandler. "Chandler, please don't say things like that," he said in a small voice that defied the glare he was giving the man. "It kills me every time you do."

"Well, maybe you need to learn to deal with it." He grumbled.

When Joey's expression turned sad, Chandler braced himself for what came out of his mouth next. "You're not the one had to find his best friend..."

It was barely a whisper, but Chandler heard it and he suddenly felt immensely guilty. "Joe, I'm sorry... I don't know why I'm being so pissy and taking it out on you. I'm sorry."

Joey nodded in understanding. The doctor explained to him while Chandler was unconscious the symptoms of severe depression, one of which was sudden anger. "It's fine, Chandler."

They stood awkwardly around each other for a moment before Chandler blurted out, "What was that kiss about last night?"

Chandler blushed and Joey chuckled. With a grin, he asked, "Did it bug you?"  
"Yes," Chandler answered. "Now answer me."  
Joey stood closer to Chandler, gripping the man's hips and pulling him close against his chest. Chandler, not sure of what to do with his hands – or anything, for that matter – just balled them up in the lapels of Joey's jacket. Joey leaned close, just close enough so that his breath was ghosting over Chandler's lips. In a deep voice, he whispered, "Maybe this will answer your question."

Then he sealed his lips over the other man's.

Chandler didn't respond right away due to sudden shock, but soon came to his senses and started returning the kiss. He found himself letting Joey lead, finding the lack of control surprisingly arousing. Did he mention that Joey was the best kisser?

 _Fuck,_ Joey thought. Chandler was a mind-blowing kisser. It started off slow with Joey taking the lead, then, when he had Chandler backed against their front door with his hands pinned above his head, the little gasp Chandler made allowed Joey to plunge deeper into his mouth, which made the brunet moan against the Italian's lips, and therefore remove any semblance of the word 'slow.'

When they finally pulled apart for air, Joey rested his forehead against Chandler's own, but not before placing a soft kiss to it. Chandler was flushed practically from head to toe, and the endearing gesture only made his face hotter. Joey looked at Chandler for a moment, taking in his slightly disheveled look. His eyes were half-lidded and he was biting his bottom lip, trying to gain back some personal restraint. He looked like he could barely stand on his own legs. Joey still had both of Chandler's small wrists pinned with one hand above his head. "Jesus, Chandler, if you could see yourself right now..."

Chandler looked at Joey in a bit of shock at the sudden lust-filled statement. Joey really wanted him. He could see that much in his eyes and the way his tongue darted out slightly to taste the remnants of Chandler that still lingered on his lips.

Then, of course Chandler had to ruin the moment by letting his insecurities overtake what was right in front of him. _Joey could do so much better than me. He may want me now, but I'll hurt him somehow. I just know it._

Joey, not knowing what was going through Chandler's head but recognizing a look of pain, asked, "Chandler? What's wrong? Was this okay? Did I go too far?"

Chandler just stared at Joey like a deer caught in headlights. "Joey, no. It... It was great. Wonderful. Perfect. Just..." He chewed on his bottom lip, not wanting to share his stupid insecurities with Joey. He didn't need to hear his problems.

"Chandler, talk to me. Don't close up shop on me now."  
Chandler tried to battle it; Joey could see the battle go across his features. He tried to tell Joey the truth, but his fear won and he clammed up. He just put on a smile and said, "I don't know if this is gonna work, Joe."

Joey, looking severely hurt but trying to hide it, dropped Chandler's wrists. "Okay..." He breathed.

Chandler saw the look of hurt across his best friend's features. _It's for the best,_ Chandler thought, though he was intensely miserable. In an effort to get away from his friend and the pain he'd caused, he ran to his room, shutting the door behind him. He tried to lock it, but saw that the lock had been removed by the people who had come to their apartment earlier. _Right... Suicide watch..._

So, Chandler sat in his room until nightfall. He didn't bother to come out for lunch, but knew Joey would get mad if he didn't at least eat dinner, so he came out of the room when he smelled Joey cooking.

Joey served Chandler in silence. He wasn't angry with Chandler. He just didn't know what to say. He had given it some thought and found that maybe Chandler didn't like him that way.

 _If he didn't like you that way,_ part of his brain supplied, _then he wouldn't have responded like that to your kiss._

After dinner, Chandler got up from the counter and, with a mumbled goodnight, turned to his room.

 _Don't let him walk away,_ Joey thought. _Don't let him go without knowing how he really feels._ "Chandler, wait." Joey called.

Chandler turned and was surprised to see Joey right behind him. "Joey..."

Joey pressed a hand to his cheek. "You were lying when you said it wasn't going to work. I know you were. Chandler, tell me what's wrong. Let me prove to you that your fears are baseless."

Chandler blushed. No one had ever tried so hard for him. Trying to joke and abort, he nervously said, "Where did you learn 'baseless,' Joey? Good vocabulary!" At Joey's 'I'm not taking your bullshit' look, Chandler sighed. "I..." He bit his bottom lip. God, Joey just wanted to kiss him when he did that. He wanted to kiss his worries away. He wondered briefly if Chandler would bite his lip during sex. _Jesus, that's inappropriate for the current situation..._ Joey mentally scolded himself.

"Chandler, if you don't tell me, I can't reassure you that, for once, you're wrong."

Chandler opened the door behind him, and Joey thought he was retreating at first, but when the brunet asked, "Are you coming?" Joey took the hint.

They both sat on Chandler's bed. Joey sat with his feet hanging off the edge while Chandler sat cross-legged and facing Joey. "I'm sorry... For lying," he started. "I just... Sometimes I allow my insecurities to override reason." Joey could see that Chandler was uncomfortable. He kept looking everywhere but Joey. When his breath started picking up to the point of hyperventilation, Joey gripped the sides of Chandler's face with both hands and forced him to look at him. When his eyes shifted downward, Joey's calm voice rang through his panicked haze. "Chandler, look at me." His eyes moved to Joey's immediately at the command. Though he could barely breathe, he stared at Joey and clung to his every word. "You don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready, but hear me out for minute.

"If you don't want to be with me, that's fine, but don't make that choice because you think there's something wrong with you. Don't ever think that there is something wrong with you. Something I've learned in my experiences is that there's a difference between a wrong and a problem. You see, wrongs are permanent; they stay like that forever. A problem can be fixed. Having a problem just means that something needs to be changed.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Chandler Bing. You have a problem. And hey," Joey smiled softly. "I'm here to help you fix that problem. You just gotta give me a chance and let me hear what's going on in that head of yours. You're so smart, Chandler. You're a million times smarter than me, but even the smart ones can be a little thick-headed."

So focused on his words, Chandler hadn't realized his breathing was slowing down. Without realizing it right away, he began to tell Joey how he really felt, something he hadn't done with anyone in a long time. "I'll screw it up, Joey. You can do so much better than me. I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll break your heart and then where will we be?"

Joey turned to face Chandler on the bed, knowing that he had to be careful with his next words. Chandler had finally opened up to him and now was definitely not the time to screw it up. "Chandler, there are only two ways you could possibly do that. The first one I know you would never do; you're too kindhearted and sincere to cheat on me."

Chandler blushed at the compliment, though it clashed with his own views of himself. "What's the second one?"

Joey didn't hesitate to answer. "Just don't go dying before I do."

Chandler understood what Joey actually meant. As he processed what Joey's real intentions were with that statement, he came to a frightening answer. He didn't want to break Joey's heart, but in the dark recesses of his mind, he still felt like he didn't deserve to live. Regardless of how much he cared for Joey, regardless of how much he didn't want to hurt him, he was still fucked up enough to still want to kill himself. It occurred to Chandler in that moment that something was really wrong with him, but then Joey's words rang in his mind. _There is nothing wrong with you. You have a problem._ Chandler sighed, taking Joey's words to heart. _My problem can be fixed._ He told himself. Careful with his next words so that he used Joey's terminology, he said, "Joey, I have a problem, don't I?"

"Where'd your thoughts go?" Joey asked, softly caressing Chandler's bottom lip with his thumb.

"I don't want to hurt you," Chandler explained. "But I... I'm not sure if I can keep that second promise. I still don't feel like I deserve..." Chandler trailed off, his breathing getting heavy again.

Again, Joey forced Chandler face him. "Chandler, look at me." Again, Chandler looked him in the eyes. Joey had a strange, calming effect on him. "I know what you were going to say. You don't feel like you deserve to live." Chandler's breath came out in short puffs, but he nodded. Joey continued. "You would be right, then. You have a problem. But I'm going to change your mind, Chandler. I'm going to give you a reason to live. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet, but I'm going to or I'm going to die trying."

Chandler nodded, his breath evening out at Joey's determination. The brunet stared at the clock next to his bedside and said, "Wow, we talked for a long time. You don't think we're going soft, do you?"

Joey, recognizing that Chandler was done sharing for the night, chuckled and said, "Yeah, it is getting late." Joey stood up from the bed, but not before pulling Chandler into a sweet kiss. It was filled with an underlying emotion that Chandler couldn't quite read. It was almost a mix between desperation and a plea. "Goodnight, Chandler."

Joey, being the gentleman that he was, then left Chandler in his room for the night.

Chandler, after slowly processing everything that had happened that night, got up and went to his dresser to pull out some pajamas. His clothes were surprisingly well-folded and he knew neither Joey nor the nurses would have done this. _Monica,_ he thought with a smile.

He started to change, absentmindedly scratching at the scar where his third nipple used to be. He got a pair of old sweatpants that he had borrowed from Joey a long time ago and put them on. Joey was always larger than him, so he had to pull the drawstring all the way because the sweatpants wouldn't fit otherwise.

Crawling into bed, he laid down and almost immediately fell asleep with a certain Tribbiani on his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Chandler woke up gasping for air once more. _That same nightmare..._ He thought miserably. It was like his dream was trying to suffocate him. The moment he tried to kiss the dead version of himself, he couldn't breathe. He wondered briefly if, one time, he wouldn't wake up from the dream and suffocate in his sleep. _Wouldn't that be interesting? I'm on suicide watch and I die in my sleep!_ Chandler chuckled at his morbid joke, wondering whether Joey would find it funny, then thought better of saying anything to the Italian man. _Probably best to keep that one to myself..._

Chandler got out of bed and walked out to see Joey cooking – well, attempting to cook – something in the kitchen. "Joe, I told you before. You're not allowed to cook without adult supervision!" Chandler chided.

Joey turned to Chandler. "Hey! I'm not that bad of a..." He trailed off at seeing Chandler's state of undress. He swallowed thickly when he noticed that Chandler was wearing nothing but a pair of his old high school sweatpants. They hung low on his hips; the only thing that seemed to hold them up was the man's very nice ass. He watched as the man stretched and yawned his tiredness away, making Joey wonder just how flexible Chandler was. He watched the man come over and sit on one of the booth chairs, bringing his attention to his lean form. He knew Chandler was skinny, but he must have been hiding his actual weight under some seriously baggy clothes because Chandler looked almost unhealthy. He knew, however, that with a little bit of regular eating that Chandler would be back to normal in no time.

"Joey, what're you staring at?" Chandler asked, raising an eyebrow.

Joey's gaze was heated when he said, "You."

Chandler blushed, suddenly realizing what he was – and wasn't – wearing. Chandler, wanting to return the compliment, looked at Joey and said, "You look"-

He abruptly remembered that Joey cooked naked. It was the reason he suddenly cut himself off. "See?!" Chandler said, his face beet red as he rushed to get Joey a towel from the bathroom. "This is why you need adult supervision when cooking!" He covered his eyes as he gave Joey the towel.

"Oh, come on, Chandler!" Joey grinned, but wrapped the towel around his waist anyways. "You've seen me cook naked before!"

Chandler dared to uncover his eyes, only to be relieved and maybe a little disappointed to see that Joey had covered himself. "Well, that was before... before..." If Chandler's face could get any redder, blood would explode out of his cheeks.

Joey smirked devilishly, then said while waggling his eyebrows, "Before you owned the merchandise?"

Chandler opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, then closed it again. Joey chuckled, then looked at Chandler, speaking an unspoken promise of things to come. He leaned close to Chandler and whispered, "If you're not okay with owning me, that's fine, but judging from last night, I'd say you're okay with me owning you. Are you, Chandler? Do you want me to own you?"

Chandler shuddered, a noise resembling a mix between a whimper and a soft moan escaping his lips. Joey smirked, saving that piece of information for later, then smashed his lips against Chandler's in a demanding, possessive way. Chandler arched into Joey as he pulled at his firm arms to make the shorter man come closer to him. The brunet moaned against Joey's lips, the action giving Joey the opportunity to plunge his tongue into a dance with Chandler's own.

The taller man knew who was in control here and the thought was an overwhelming turn-on.

When Joey had Chandler against the counter, he lifted the man up onto it, his body surprisingly light. Joey settled himself between Chandler's legs and resumed kissing him with a needy passion.

They probably wouldn't have stopped if Chandler hadn't smelled something burning. "Joey, weren't you cooking?" Chandler gasped against his lips.

Joey suddenly stopped and his body tensed. He looked at the stove and saw that his eggs were, in fact, fried.

And then some.

"Dammit..." He muttered.

Chandler, still in his "post-make-out-with-Joey" high, laughed a little too hard at this. "You want to go out to eat instead? We can go to Central Perk and grab something."

After he had turned off the stove and thrown away the bad food, Joey walked over to Chandler and lifted the man off the counter, said man giving a yelp of surprise. Joey let out a breath of a laugh before leaning his forehead against Chandler's while saying, "Yeah, that'd be good. Your first psychiatrist appointment is today so we can grab something and head out once we're done eating."

Chandler's brow furrowed in annoyance. "I don't need to see a shrink," he muttered. "And I definitely don't need to see one by myself and suffer. You have to suffer with me."

Joey laughed, then explained, "Chandler, the doctor said that you have to do the first couple of sessions alone because you kind of dropped the 'I want Joey with me in the room' thing on him last minute. He's going to schedule you with another psychiatrist in a few weeks, but you'll have to stick with this guy until then, okay?"

Chandler nodded. "Fine..."

Joey smiled. _At least he isn't fighting me as much on the therapy._ Joey hoped this psychiatrist could help Chandler find a way to battle his demons. Joey wished he could do something, but he was so afraid of saying something wrong and pushing Chandler over the edge. Psychiatrists were specialists. This guy would know what to do.

They got ready and headed out to grab a bite to eat at Central Perk. Once they were in small coffee shop, Chandler spotted the gang and suddenly got nervous. Seeing them in the hospital was different. When he was in the hospital he was supposed to be sick. That's why he was there in the first place. Now, though? What did he do? Did he pretend it never happened and act like he always did? Did he act like himself? He decided to go with the "pretend it never happened" option because acting like himself would mean being entirely too insecure. So far, only Joey was okay with that side of him and he really didn't want to press his luck.

They both ordered their food and went to sit down. The only seat open was the armchair, so Joey sat in the actual seat while Chandler sat on the arm of the chair, draping his legs across Joey's lap. Joey looked at Chandler, brow raised in a silent question that Chandler somehow understood. _He's asking whether he wants to tell the group about us._

Chandler made a face telling Joey that he doesn't even know what they are in the first place. Joey nodded in understanding, silently telling him that they would talk about it later. Chandler nodded and both men turned to the group. Everyone was staring at them in confusion, causing Chandler to instinctively shrink closer to Joey for defense. "What?" Joey asked.

"You two scare me sometimes." Mike said.

Phoebe nodded her agreement with her boyfriend. "Did you two really just have a conversation in facial expressions and head nods? Now that's true dedication."

Chandler, instead of taking the harmless words to heart, puffed out his shoulders and pretended to be a caveman. "We men. We no need talk."

The group laughed at his antics. While they did so, Joey leaned close to Chandler. "We gotta get going, Chan, okay?"

Chandler nodded. "Right. Psychiatrist." Chandler stood up, allowing Joey to stand as well. "Welp," Chandler started. "See you all later! Sorry for the short visit, but we've got crazy meds to get!"

Monica's expression changed to a more saddened one. "Chandler, you know you're not crazy, right? What happened to you... What's happening to you is not you being crazy."

Chandler nodded, though he didn't really agree with her. The fact that he still wanted to kill himself and was having trouble finding reasons why that was a bad thing was proof enough for him.

"Sorry, guys," Joey said to the others, though he was glaring at Chandler. "Chandler is apparently broken. You see, he keeps hearing things that are the truth, but his brain will tell him it's a lie, even though it's obviously not. So, I'm going to take Chandler to go get fixed before he gets even more cracks in that ridiculously thick head of his, alright?"

Then, Chandler was dragged out of Central Perk by Joey all the way to the car. "Wow, Joey!" Chandler said. "I'm proud of you and your metaphor."

"Chandler, you are ridiculous sometimes, you know that?"

Chandler pretended to ponder the statement. "No. I'm usually just Chandler. Unless you know of a split personality disorder that I have that I don't know about? Hey, look! More to add to my list of crazy."

Joey glared at the taller man. "You know Monica is right. You're not crazy."

"Oh, but I am." Chandler said, getting in the car and shutting the door, efficiently stopping the conversation.

Joey sighed. It was going to take some time to get Chandler to see life as a good thing. He wished he could wipe away his fears and frustrations in a moment, but it took months to create the broken Chandler that was here now so it will probably take that much or longer to find the pieces and put him back together, and Joey was determined to do so.

Once Joey calmed down he climbed into the driver's side and started the car. The ride was surprisingly quiet. The first half was a bit awkward. Chandler felt insanely guilty for the way he felt and voicing his feelings seemed to hurt Joey in some way. While Joey drove, he dared to glance at Chandler and saw that he was biting his bottom lip while fiddling with his hands, something Joey had come to understand as his personal expressions of worry. Sighing softly, he reached his hand over to grab Chandler's own and enlaced their fingers together. "Stop thinking so much," Joey said. "I can practically hear you worrying from here."

"I'm sorry..." Chandler apologized. "I don't mean to hurt you or push you away. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the things you say." He saw Chandler wrap his other arm around his torso, another thing Joey had noticed that he did when he was trying to hide. "You've been so good to me in the day and a half that I've been home and I've just been, well, me..."

"It's okay, Chandler. I happen to like you." Joey joked. "I know. Shocking, isn't it?"

Chandler laughed. "Do you _like_ like me? Do you want to date me? Do you want to be my _boyfriend?_ "

The depressed man only meant it as a joke, but Joey seemed to take it a bit more serious than he had meant it to be. "I do."

Chandler blushed. Joey could feel the man's palms sweat in nervousness, but instead of being grossed out, he merely brought Chandler's hand to his lips and kissed it, never once letting go of it.

Joey didn't press Chandler for an immediate response and the other man was grateful for this. It wasn't that he didn't want to answer. He just didn't want to answer in the car on the way to a therapy appointment.

Once at the office, they both walked in with Joey only having to push Chandler through the door one time. The entrance was nice, quaint. To the right of the entrance was a fountain that trickled water as if it were down a rock wall. There were little lily pads floating in the water.

To the left was the receptionist with a large amount of waiting chairs. Joey spoke to the receptionist. "Appointment with Dr. Ottinger for Chandler Bing?"

The woman smiled at him and very obviously looked him up and down. Joey noticed this and, out of habit, studied the woman's features. She was confident, hot, possibly slutty; she definitely used to be his type, emphasis on 'used to be.' His type had changed recently. He was more into awkward, misguided, funny, attractive, sweet, caring, and incredibly loyal men that also have the name Chandler Muriel Bing.

The receptionist leaned close to Joey, her breasts hanging low and an excess amount of cleavage in between them. "You come back over here if you need any help with that paperwork, okay?"

Joey smiled. "Thanks!"

When the woman pulled out Chandler's file, she gave him some paperwork to fill out, "accidentally" brushing her hand over his. Joey turned around to face Chandler, who was pointedly looking away from him and the receptionist. Joey, knowing exactly what was going through Chandler's mind right now, walked over to put a stop to it immediately. He sat down next to his closest friend and handed him the folder of paperwork. Chandler could feel the receptionist's eyes on him and Joey, particularly Joey. Chandler bit the inside of his cheek to keep from either darting out of the room or screaming at the woman to say that Joey was _his._

Chandler didn't have to choose as it turned out because Joey made the decision for him. The receptionist watched as Joey leaned close to the other man and whispered something in his ear. Judging from the way Chandler was blushing, the receptionist guessed what might have been said. When Joey kissed Chandler sweetly on the cheek, she could see that these two were in it for the long haul. It didn't even matter that Chandler punched Joey lightly in the arm for such an open display. She could see it in Chandler's eyes how much he cared for Joey. She felt so mortified with herself. She tried to hit on a taken, gay man!

The receptionist watched the two briefly as they chatted. They seemed like they were bickering, but they appeared to almost enjoy it. She learned their names as she eavesdropped and found out that Chandler was the shy one with the cute smile. Joey seemed to be the more confident one as well as overprotective. She admired both of their determination. Judging from what she could overhear, Chandler was severely depressed. The fact that Joey was willing to work with Chandler every step of the way was something she hadn't seen with many patients with significant others. And Chandler, who seemed to have no self-esteem, was trying so hard to see what Joey saw in him when all he could see was the exact opposite.

They were working with each other. She silently hoped that Chandler would win his battle.

After Chandler finished the paperwork, the receptionist took it with a smile before saying to Chandler, "I'm sorry for hitting on your boyfriend. That was out of line."

Chandler was shocked. "Uh, no worries," he said with a sheepish smile on his face while scratching at the back of his head absentmindedly. "He gets that a lot. I should be used to it by now..."

She smiled cheerfully at him and Joey when he walked over to see if there was a problem. "You two seem good together. Don't give up on each other, okay?"

Joey returned the smile when all Chandler could do was blush. "Thanks, Jessica." He said, obviously reading her nametag.

She nodded. "Your appointment will be on the second floor. Doctor Ottinger will see you as soon as possible."

The two men waved goodbye before heading to the elevator. "Well, she was nice."

Joey laughed. "Did you think that before or after she gave me the up-down?"

Chandler blushed. "After, obviously..." He mumbled.

The elevator chimed open and they walked in. "Don't worry, Chandler," Joey said while putting his hands on Chandler's slender hips and stepping close to Chandler so that he could lean close and whisper, "I'm all yours. Promise."

Chandler's eyes were wide when Joey pressed his lips to his. He didn't know why it surprised him; he knew what he was going to do the moment his hands gripped his hips. With the last of his coherency, he hit the elevator button for the second floor before allowing himself to fall into pace with Joey.

The kiss was over much too soon, however; the elevator was very fast. They pulled away from each other and waited in the lobby. Joey was bored within moments, which was unfortunate for Chandler because Joey seemed intent on getting him to see the brighter side to public displays of affection.

It wasn't that Chandler was particularly opposed to the idea, but rather others were and he didn't want Joey to be seen in a negative light in any way. He was so perfect and Chandler didn't want to taint that perfection that other people saw.

He was also entirely too shy, but Chandler wasn't willing to admit that to himself and Joey just found it endearing.

"You're so cute, Chandler." Joey said after he had convinced Chandler to at least take his hand. And he really did look adorable with the way his cheeks were tinted red, the way he looked down at the floor to attempt to hide the slight upturn of his lips that showed how happy he was that Joey tried so hard to get him to open up. He would warm up to being open about their relationship eventually. He was with Joey, after all.

For now, though, Joey had called him cute and that was not going to fly, regardless of how the compliment made his stomach flutter. "I am not cute," he pouted. "I can be anything else, but not cute."

Joey smirked at his pout. _He is the definition of cute._ "But you are."

Before Chandler could protest, Joey leaned over and pressed a kiss to Chandler's temple, making the man fumble for words before settling for a glare that looked more like a pout.

Just then, Chandler's name was called and he tensed, not wanting to go any farther. Joey couldn't come with him this time.

Joey smiled at him reassuringly. "Go on, Chandler. You'll be fine. I'll wait for you right here, okay? I won't leave." _I won't leave you._

Chandler nodded, understanding the unspoken words and got up to the woman at the door. She asked for birthdates and other usual things asked at the doctor's office. He stepped on the scale and realized he was actually underweight for his height. Chandler tried to think back to why this was, then remembered that he'd been skipping meals and living off coffee long before his suicide attempt. He didn't have an eating disorder by any means. He just didn't feel like eating.

Then he was introduced to his psychiatrist, Dr. Ottinger. He was an older man, possibly in his late fifties or early sixties. He had a warm smile on his face and was very welcoming. "Hello, Chandler," he said, taking his hand and shaking it. "I'm Dr. Ottinger."

"Ottinger? Like 'otter' and 'ringer' combined? That's weird. I thought it was 'otter' and 'ginger.'"

The man just merely smiled and Chandler decided that his smile was kind of creepy.

"So, Chandler. What brings you here today?"

Chandler glared. "Don't you already know? It's in my file. I promise I'm just as crazy as it makes it out to be."

"I assure you, Chandler, you're not crazy."

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

The psychiatrist instead wrote something on his clipboard. That made Chandler uneasy. He felt like he was taking a test in a class he had never taken before. "It's getting pretty cold outside, isn't it?" The doctor said.

Chandler looked out the small window to his right. He wouldn't be surprised if they were wearing coats by the end of the month. October in New York could get pretty cold. He thought of Joey and all the times they played in the snow like the thirty year old idiots that they were. "Yeah," he thought with a smile. "It is."

"What're you thinking about?" Dr. Ottinger asked, pulling him back to the present situation.

 _Either he's really bad at what he does or he hates his job._ "Nothing important."

"So what do you do for a living?"

Chandler decided to humor the guy. "I'm an IT procurement manager." He said simply.

"Do you like your job?"

"No."

"Why?"

Chandler didn't answer. He didn't owe this guy anything and he kept staring at him with that creepy smile. _This is probably the creepiest guy I've ever met and he works with people on a regular basis..._

"So, I saw that you had a friend in the lobby when I walked by. Who is he?"

 _He was watching me? Okay, creepy..._ He reflexively crossed one leg over the other and brought his arms to his chest in a defensive manner. "If you must know, his name is Joey."

The doctor gave him a look that he couldn't quite read. "Are you and Joey close?"

"He's my best friend and the best thing that's ever happened to me, so I'd appreciate it if we didn't drag him into my room full of problems."

The session didn't last much longer after that. Chandler sat there while the doctor took more notes. After the session, he handed Chandler a prescription and a business card. "The business card is for your therapist. The prescription is for Zoloft. It's an antidepressant. I really feel that this therapist can help you as well as the Zoloft."

Chandler was confused. "I thought you were my therapist?"

The man shook his head. "I am your psychiatrist. I merely send you to where you need to go and prescribe the medication that will best help you in your situation."

 _There's that creepy smile again._ "Oh. Well, thanks. I'll definitely be giving..." he looked at the business card, "Dr. Curitan a call."

He nodded. "Have a good day, Chandler." Then he left the room, leaving Chandler to sigh in relief.

As soon as Chandler walked out into the second floor lobby, Joey saw him and practically ran up to him. "How was it?"

Chandler glared. "It could have been worse. I thought the old man was going to die from CSS."

"CSS?" Joey asked.

"Creepy Smile Syndrome."

Joey laughed. He then saw the papers in Chandlers' hand. "What are those?"

"My new therapist and my medicine, which we should pick up at the pharmacy."  
Joey nodded. "Well, did they say you were good to go?"

Chandler nodded. "No one stopped me in the hall so I'm guessing so."

Joey took Chandler's hand and led him to the elevator to the first floor. They said goodbye to Jessica before heading over to the small pharmacy that was close to their apartment. Surprisingly, it didn't take that long for the prescription to fill and they were out of the shop in no time at all. The pharmacist made sure to answer all of Joey's questions about the drug and Chandler smiled affectionately at Joey in silent appreciation for the man's concern.

"When we get home I'm gonna call that guy on the business card and set up an appointment for you."

Chandler mumbled an "uh huh," but he was falling asleep against the window. It took them thirty minutes to get home, but by the time they got there, Chandler was practically out cold. Joey thought that he looked so peaceful, much more so than he did when he was awake. When his eyes were open, they held an almost haunted look, especially when he woke up that morning. Throughout the day, the look disappeared for the most part, but this morning he looked like had truly suffered these past few months.

Deciding to wake his Sleeping Beauty, he laid a gentle hand to the sleeping man's shoulder. "Chandler?" Joey called softly.

Chandler struggled to open his eyes, but when he did, he stared at his surroundings in confusion before realizing where he was. "Joe?" He called, his voice raspy.

"I'm right here, Chandler."

Chandler nodded, then stretched out his tired muscles. The stretch of his arms and torso lifted his shirt up to reveal the skin of his stomach. Chandler's jeans were lose and hung low on his hips to reveal a small patch of hair that travelled further down, the rest hidden by his boxers that were sticking out due to the stretch. Joey licked his lips. He was such a damn tease and he didn't even know it.

Chandler looked over when he felt Joey staring and realized that he was staring at the large amount of skin he was currently revealing. The look of pure desire in Joey's eyes when the man met his own was enough to send shivers down Chandler's spine.

Joey leaned over the seat before placing a fantastic kiss onto Chandler's lips. Chandler gasped and moaned when Joey's hand travelled along that expanse of skin before travelling under his shirt and rubbing against his nipples. Chandler used the hand that wasn't propping him up to grip at Joey's shoulder to ground him from the feelings that were fighting to make his heart soar. "Joey," Chandler moaned against the man's lips.

Joey felt Chandler's blunt nails digging into his shoulder, the twinge of pain from the tight grip only pressing him forward. He tried to lean forward, but he somehow managed to elbow the horn of his car, making him jump and fall forward on top of Chandler.

The brunet winced at the sudden impact of having Joey land on his smaller form, then, when Joey looked up with a sheepish grin on his face, Chandler laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. He laughed a real laugh that he felt deep into his soul, something he hadn't felt in God knows how long. Joey, realizing that he hadn't heard his friend laugh like that in months, started to laugh with him. _He has the most amazing smile._

Joey decided to get back in his own seat and get out of the car, but not before grabbing Chandler's medicine. Chandler got out of the car as well and followed Joey up to their apartment where they spent the most of the night chatting about the highlights of their day. Even though they spent the whole day together, they couldn't help but love hearing the way the other saw the day. They both saw things in completely different lights. While Joey had a bright outlook on life, he didn't see things as deeply as Chandler did. Joey quickly learned that Chandler had quite an imagination.

"Have you ever considered writing?" Joey asked.

Chandler snorted. "I'm already slowly becoming my father. I don't need to add my mother to that list as well."

Joey's head tilted to the side slightly in his confusion. "Chandler, you're nothing like your dad."

"I'm bisexual in a relationship with a man. I think that constitutes as 'like my father.'" Chandler explained.

"Chandler, have you ever cheated on someone you're with or would you ever consider cheating on the person you're with?"

"Joey, what does that have to do with anything?"

Joey sighed. "Go with it, Chandler. Answer the question!"

"Alright, alright! Jesus!" He said, holding his hands up in a mock-placating gesture. "Then no. Never have, never will. End of story."

"If you had a kid with someone and that relationship ended badly, would you leave that kid in the dust and never speak to them for over ten years?"

Chandler looked away, suddenly realizing Joey's point. "Okay, okay. I get it. I'm nothing like my father. But come on, Joe! Writing? I'm not sure I'd be very good at it."

"You won't know until you give it a chance." Joey said. "Now tell me. There's no way you have an imagination like you do without some sort of creativity gene. Did you secretly take acting courses in school?"

Chandler thought back to his days in high school and all those art classes he took behind his mother's back. She wanted him to go to college for managerial business. He wanted to go for art, but she refused to let him even when he showed her the pieces he entered into national contests and won first place. _I wonder if I have some of those lying around in storage..._ "No, Joe. I didn't take acting courses."

"Then what's your specialty?"

Chandler blushed. "I, uh, I took art in high school..."

Joey's eyes widened in amazement. "Really?"

"Y-yeah."

"Why haven't I ever seen you draw?"

Chandler shrugged. "I guess I just lost my drive. When my mother said I couldn't go to art school I told myself I wouldn't pick up a pencil again because it would remind me of how much of a failure I was for not standing up for myself."

Joey eyed Chandler sadly. "You're not a failure, Chandler. You've never been a failure."

Then, Joey got up and unlocked his bedroom door. Chandler thought Joey was mad at him for some reason and was going to bed early, but then he came out of the room with a pencil. "Joey, why do you have a pencil?"

Joey smirked. "Kneel before me, Sir Bing."

Chandler chuckled but did as he was told. He waited for Joey to tap both of his shoulders with the pencil. Then Joey said, "I now dub thee Sir Bing, Knight of the Arts!"

Then, Joey handed him the pencil. "I present to thee thine weapon. Whilst thou accept it?"

Chandler looked at the pencil for a moment, noting its simple look. It was just a yellow, number two pencil. Nothing special, nothing remarkable. Even in high school, Chandler never drew with the higher quality pencils, saying it didn't feel right to him. Joey had unknowingly picked the perfect weapon to have at his side. "I do accept."

Chandler went to reach for the pencil, then, in the heat of the moment, he grabbed Joey's wrist instead and pulled him to the floor on top of him. Joey didn't so much as flinch. He just straddled Chandler's waist and kissed him for all he was worth.

Joey reached at the base of Chandler's gray t-shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He latched his mouth to Chandler's pulse, the man beneath him arching into Joey and crying out as he bit down hard on the rapidly beating pulse of his neck. Joey sucked on the mark to soothe the pain from the bite, then sat back to admire his work. It was definitely going to leave a dark hickey that he was certain Chandler wouldn't be able to hide. He smirked. Chandler was his.

He left a trail of kisses down Chandler's chest until he ran his tongue across the smaller man's nipple, causing him to moan loudly. Joey then moved to the other nipple. Feeling Chandler writhe beneath him like this was a completely new experience for him, but dammit if he said he wasn't turned on he would be lying. He'd never wanted anyone so much like he wanted Chandler in that moment. As Joey learned the expanse of Chandler's chest, he found the scar where Chandler's third nipple used to be and ran his tongue along that as well, causing Chandler to blush and moan Joey's name at the affection the man above him was showing him.

"Fuck, Chandler, do you know what you do to me when you say my name like that?" Joey said, his voice suddenly taking on a deeper tone.

Before Chandler got the chance to reply, Joey palmed his aching erection through his jeans, causing Chandler to scream, "Oh, fuck! Joey!"

Joey was about to lean down and capture Chandler's lips in a heated kiss when he heard their front door open and a voice that sounded very much like Monica's said, "Hey, I'm coming to get the TV Guide Miss Bong!" She chucked at her joke right before seeing the very compromising position Joey and Chandler were currently in.

Her eyes widened almost impossibly wide. "Joey?! A-and Chandler?!"

Chandler blushed furiously and buried his face in Joey's shirt to hide his mortification at being caught. They both stood up quickly and, for modesty's sake, Joey grabbed his leather jacket off the chair and handed it to Chandler who wrapped it around himself as quickly as he could. "H-hey, Monica!" Joey said nervously. "What brings you to the apartment, hmm?"

"You two... On the floor?!" She pointed to their feet where they had just been laying.

"Monica, listen..." Chandler started.

"Oh, no you don't. You stay here while I borrow Joey here for a moment."

Chandler nodded. He didn't know why Joey was in trouble all of a sudden, but he felt horrible because it was his fault.

Monica dragged Joey over to her and Rachel's apartment before proceeding to scream at him. "What the Hell was that?!"

"You tell me, Monica. You took that class in school, didn't you?" He said, nervously trying to tell a joke. Chandler was rubbing off on him.

 _Great._ He thought. _Now you're thinking of Chandler rubbing off on you and this is not the most appropriate time for this!_

"Joey, please. Tell me you know what you're doing."

Joey glared at her suspiciously. "What are you trying to get at?"

She sighed. "I'm talking about Chandler. His mind is not in a stable place right now. Are you sure you can handle that? Because if you can't and you break his heart halfway through I don't think he'll come back from that."

"I can take care of him if that's what you're asking."

"Are you sure? What's his medication? Who's his psychiatrist? Who is his therapist? What's the plan if Chandler has another breakdown? Do you know how you're paying for these medical expenses? How are bills getting paid? See, Joey? I don't think you're getting"-

Monica was cut off by Joey stating, "He's currently on Zoloft, his psychiatrist is Dr. Ottinger, though I can already tell Chandler doesn't like him so I'm probably going to switch as soon as I can. His therapist is Dr. Curitan. He hasn't met him yet, but he will tomorrow at eleven in the morning. If Chandler tries to kill himself again, I've agreed and he's agreed to send him to a psychiatric ward where he can receive the care he needs until he's better. Medical expenses have been completely covered by Chandler's insurance and our everyday bills are paid for by Chandler's paycheck that he's receiving under stipulation that he goes to therapy at least twice a week. Any other questions, Monica?"

Monica was speechless. She'd never seen Joey so dedicated to anyone in all the time she'd known Joey. She shook her head. "No, I don't have any more questions." Then, she took a calming breath before looking at Joey with a glare that would stone Medusa herself. "I do, however, want you to know that if I find out you hurt Chandler in any way, there's not a place on this Earth you can hide, do you understand me?"

Joey nodded as he swallowed thickly. "Yes, ma'am."

She nodded her assent. Then, she pointed to his and Chandler's apartment. "Now, go over there and take care of him before he has a heart attack on why I dragged you over here. And don't worry," she said with a smile. "I won't tell anyone."

Joey nodded. "Thank you. I don't know if Chandler's ready, you know?"

She returned his nod. "Yeah. Now go. Shoo!"

Joey ran out of the apartment and back into his, immediately looking for Chandler. He saw him sitting curled up in Joey's chair, beside himself with worry. When he heard Joey enter the room, he immediately ran and hugged the larger man. "Joey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble with Monica!"

Joey chuckled. "No, no. It's okay. I think I proved myself worthy of dating you."

Chandler's cheeks flushed once more. "What do you mean?"

"She defended you. She was worried that I was trying to take advantage of you."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "I'm depressed and suicidal, not clueless. There's a difference. I'm pretty sure I would know if you were just using me. And even if you were, why would you go for the one with the most baggage?"

Joey just nodded. While Chandler's wording was a little crude, he got the basics right. Joey was not heartless enough to go after Chandler at his weakest moment without helping him through it. "Still, I thought it was pretty sweet of her."

"Yeah, that may be so, but she doesn't get to choose who I date."

Joey's heart skipped a beat. "You... you want to date me?" He said, suddenly unsure of himself.

Chandler blushed. "Well, yeah. I-If you're okay with that, of course. I mean, if you don't want to and you just want to have sex, well"-

Joey silenced Chandler's fears with a firm press against his lips. Then he gently cupped the sides of Chandler's face before looking the man in eyes and asking, "Chandler, do you want to go out with me?"

In thirty years, Chandler had never been asked out in such a cheesy way, and he loved it. "Yeah, Joey," he smiled. "I'd love to."

Joey grinned wide before placing a soft, lingering kiss to Chandler's lips, making the smaller man blush at the emotion embedded into it.

When they pulled away, Joey noticed that Chandler was still wearing his jacket. When he pointed this out, Chandler fumbled over his words. "Well, uh, i-it smells... like you..."

Joey smiled. "I told you that you were cute."

Chandler glared. "I'm not cute! I am a grown man and I. Am. Not. Cute!"

Joey just grinned. "Yeah, sure. Live in denial."

"Ugh, you're insufferable..."

"Thanks!" Joey said even though he was not sure of what the word meant.

Chandler was going to correct him, but instead shook his head with a soft laugh. "No problem, Joe."

Joey pulled Chandler over to sit on their respective chairs, but Chandler wasn't having that. He was feeling rather affectionate today, so he simply sprawled his body across Joey's lap. He rested he head in the crook of Joey's neck and, as they talked, Chandler could feel the vibrations in his throat, making him smile every time Joey would talk.

"So," Joey started, suddenly serious, "How are you wanting to go about this?"

Chandler sat up for a moment to look at Joey. "What do you mean?"

"I... I want to take this whole thing we've got going slowly. We've been working on jumping each other since we started this, but I'm not sure I want to jump into sex right away." Seeing a strange look on Chandler's face, Joey quickly backpedaled. "It's not that I don't want to, because believe me, I do. I just want to do this differently. With every person I've been with, it's always started with sex. I don't want it to be about sex. I want something real with you." Joey's face flushed a little. _I sound like a girl..._ He thought.

Chandler played with the ends of Joey's jacket to hide his sincere appreciation of Joey's kind words. Joey wanted to take things slow with him to make sure things were real between them. He couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

He composed himself before looking up and reassuring Joey. "I want this to be real too, Joey. We'll take things slow." Then, he smirked. "Are you okay with taking the resident crazy out on a date?"

Joey glared. "Stop calling yourself that."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "You're a broken record."

"You can fix the record if you stop calling yourself crazy." He scolded. "But yes. I am okay with taking my _boyfriend_ out on a date." Joey kissed Chandler for emphasis.

"Then ask me," Chandler teased.

"Well..." Joey said slowly. "I could do what I was going to do before..."

Chandler was confused. "What are you talking about? Do what?"

Joey sighed. He hadn't wanted Chandler to find out about this, but he figured that having a secret right at the beginning of their relationship would do them no good. "Well, before I found you... remember that person I was talking about? The one I told you about that I really wanted to date?" Chandler nodded. "Well, it wasn't actually a girl. It was you, Chandler. I wanted to be with you."

Chandler's eyes widened. "So, that night you went to the store..." Chandler suddenly felt awful. "Oh, God, Joey."

"Yeah..." He said. "I left my wallet in the apartment and when I came back..."

Chandler could see Joey fighting the urge to cry. "Joey, I'm so sorry. I... I didn't know. If I had known..."

Joey smiled sadly, telling Chandler that it was in the past and it didn't matter anymore. "You know, I was going to decorate the apartment. I knew you usually woke up before me, so I was going to leave notes around the house on what we were going to do that day. Then, after I woke up, I'd do everything I promised in the notes."

Chandler's heart warmed at this. "I can't believe you were going to do all that for me. And then I just decided to ruin it..."

"Hey," Joey started. "Let's not think about that anymore, okay?" He kissed Chandler sweetly. Once they pulled apart Chandler rested his head back into the crook of Joey's neck. They stayed like that and talked some more before Chandler began to yawn. "Tired?"

"Yeah..." Chandler said. "But I don't want to go to sleep yet. I like being here with you."

Joey nodded. "Still. Your appointment is tomorrow and you want to be well rested for that."

Chandler got up and stretched while watching Joey walk into his room again. He came out with the bottle of Zoloft. Chandler scoffed. "What? I can't even have my own medicine?"

"I'm not stupid, Chandler." Joey said simply. He opened the bottle and handed Chandler one pill. "Swallow this."

Chandler blushed when Joey smirked. "I'm not even going to go there." Chandler said right before popping the pill into his mouth.

Joey walked closer to Chandler, then said, "Open your mouth."

Chandler glared. "I swallowed the pill."

"Prove it."

Chandler rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. When Joey was satisfied, he pressed a soft kiss to Chandler's willing lips. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Okay?"

Chandler nodded. "Goodnight, Joey."

"Goodnight."

Joey kissed Chandler one last time before heading to his room and locking the door behind him. Chandler sighed. He knew the doctors had moved some of the medicine into Joey's room, so Joey had the room barricaded at night. Joey was smart; he was a heavy sleeper so if Chandler somehow snuck into the room at night he knew how that would end.

Chandler took Joey's coat off in the living room, changed clothes, then crawled into bed, wondering why Joey was sticking with him. Chandler was being nothing but difficult, yet Joey was still there. _He's as stubborn as me..._ Chandler thought with a tired laugh.

Slowly, the medicine's drowsy side effect hit him and he slowly slipped into a deep sleep, his last thought of Joey.


	4. Chapter 4

Chandler woke up the next day once again gasping for air. His nightmare kept coming back, repeating the same thing over and over again. He would always start off with Joey, then he would be faced with Dead Chandler until he would lean in and kiss him. Right before their lips met, he would wake up like he hadn't felt oxygen in hours.

 _This can't be a good thing..._ Chandler thought. _Maybe I should tell Joey about it._

Chandler got up, determined to tell Joey of his nightmare, and walked out of the room. When he walked out, what he saw was the absolute funniest thing he'd ever seen in his entire life.

Joey was currently standing hunched over on the kitchen counter glaring at a large silver bowl, covered in what Chandler guessed was pancake mix. "Joey," Chandler sniggered. "What did I tell you yesterday?"

"Shush!" Joey said. "The mix is going to tell me its secrets!"

Chandler lost it then. When Joey turned to him with a powdery grin, Chandler only laughed harder. "Jeez, Joe! You're killing me!"

Joey eyed Chandler up and down. "I'm killing you? With you dressed like that, you're killing me!" Then with what he thought was a sly grin, he said, "How you doin'?"

Joey's seduction tactic of choice probably would have worked if Joey didn't look so ridiculous. "Joey, go take a shower. I'll make the pancakes." Chandler laughed.

Joey huffed. "Fine..." He grumbled and walked to the bathroom, but not before leaning against Chandler and kissing him.

"Hey!" Chandler complained. "You got me covered in your pan-catastrophe!"

"That was a terrible pun, Chan," Joey smirked. "You need a shower? You can join me." He waggled his eyebrows.

"No," Chandler challenged. "You said we're taking this slow. I don't put out till the third date."

Joey nodded, this time leaning up to place a sincere kiss on his lips. "I know, babe."

Chandler suppressed a shiver at the pet name, finding he liked it a lot. "Go shower before you make me reconsider."

Joey laughed, but went into the bathroom to shower. Chandler smiled at the door before going to the kitchen and correctly making Joey's pancakes.

When Joey came out, he was wrapped in a towel. "I forgot my clothes..." He mumbled to himself before going to his room to change.

He came out in a pair of dark jeans and a red button-down shirt with a white undershirt beneath it. The shirt and jeans hugged him in all the right places. Chandler gulped. He suddenly felt inferior standing in the kitchen in his boxers and an old, white tank.

Joey didn't seem to mind, however, as he walked over to Chandler and placed a warm kiss to his lips. "Mm... Good." He said.

Chandler blushed. "What are you referring to? The pancakes or me?" He joked.

Joey smirked. "I'm sure you can figure it out."

On that note, Chandler served Joey some pancakes, making the man jump in excitement. Chandler sat down beside him and ate his own as they talked about what they were going to do that day.

"So, what do you think we should do today, Joe?" Chandler asked.

"Well," he said between bites. "You have a therapist appointment with Dr. Curitan, but afterwards, I was thinking we could go out somewhere."

Chandler smiled behind his glass of water. "What do you have in mind?"

Joey smirked. "It's a surprise."

Chandler nodded, wondering what Joey had in mind. "What time is my appointment again?" He asked as he got up and placed his plate along with Joey's in the sink.

"Eleven."

Chandler nodded. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was about ten. "I'm gonna get ready." He headed for the bathroom, but not before grabbing something to change into. He was going to close the door behind him, but his reflection in the mirror made him stop. He glared. "JOSEPH." He yelled.

Joey ran to the bathroom, thinking Chandler was in trouble. When he saw the look in Chandler's eyes, he realized just who exactly was in trouble. "Y-yeah, Chandler, babe?"

"Look at this," he pointed to his neck. "You let me go out in public yesterday with the darkest hickey in the history of hickeys? I was wearing a t-shirt! People are gonna think I'm a slut!" He said.

Joey laughed, honestly so used to the hickey being there that he forgot, but laughing was the wrong choice if he based it off the murderous glare Chandler was giving him. "I'm sorry, Chandler. Next time, I'll make sure it's darker."

Chandler hit Joey on the shoulder. "Get out, ass!"

Joey could see the grin Chandler was trying to hide. "You're trying not to laugh!" He said in a sing-song voice. "I'm off the hook!"  
"Before you go, _ass,_ " Chandler said, emphasizing the last word and rolling his eyes. "Am I allowed a razor? I need to shave this God-awful cat off my face."

Joey nodded. "I'll go get you one, but you have to shave after you shower so I can be in here too."

"Alright."

After Chandler was showered and clean-shaven, they left for Chandler's therapy appointment. They walked up to the receptionist, happy to see that Jessica was there once again. "Hey, Jessica," Joey said, smiling. Chandler wore a shy smile of his own.

She looked surprised. "Joey! Chandler! Hey! What're you doing here?"

Chandler smirked. "Well, it seems that depression cannot be cured with a single psychiatrist appointment. It appears that therapy is needed."

At her crestfallen face, Joey intervened. "Ignore him. He's always like this," he explained, glaring at Chandler.

"Don't ignore him. He's right." Chandler agreed. "I'm sorry for that..."

Jessica smiled. "It's okay," she said.

Chandler looked around, suddenly having a question pop in his mind. "So, Jessica. What made you want to work here of all places?"

Jessica was shocked at the question, wondering if she should share her story. Deciding to go for it, she said, "Well, I was offered a job here after my sister passed away..."

It was Joey who recognized that distraught look as he had that look a few days prior. "Did she..." He wasn't sure how to word it.

She smiled sadly. "Yeah. She killed herself a while back. She was here a lot, but it almost seemed like she got worse..."

"What was her name?" Chandler asked suddenly.

"Elizabeth."

Chandler nodded. "I-I'm sorry that happened..."

"It's okay," she said. "I miss her every day, though. The pain never goes away, you know. I always wonder if there was something I could've done, something I could've said to make her pain go away..."

Chandler shook his head, a haunted look in his eyes. "There was nothing you could have done, Jessica. When someone's suicidal, they'll do anything and everything they can to die. They won't listen to reason and they won't accept help because they don't think they need or deserve it." He looked away suddenly. "Trust me. I would know."

Jessica's eyes widened. "Chandler, I'm sorry! I didn't mean"-

He shook his head. "It's okay. I just hope that you understand what your sister went through. Coming from personal experience, she probably felt like she was beyond saving."

"But she wasn't. No one is beyond saving." Jessica said sincerely.

Chandler just nodded.

Joey then got Chandler's file, signed some forms, and they were on their way to the third floor. "See you, Jess," Chandler waved.

"See you later, guys. And Chandler?" When Chandler turned, she said, "Don't ever think you're beyond saving. Don't ever think you don't deserve to be saved."

Chandler just smiled and waved, her words hitting a chord within him.

In the elevator, Chandler was uncharacteristically quiet. "Chandler? You okay?" Joey asked.

Chandler nodded. Then, with a worried expression and a soft voice, Chandler whispered, "I don't know."

Joey was going to hug him, but the elevator door opened and the moment was gone.

They walked together to the office number they were given and Chandler walked in alone while Joey sat outside. Chandler gave Joey one last longing look before shutting the door behind him.

The office was large, though, it didn't look like an office to Chandler. It reminded him of a living room that a rich kid would grow up in. One thing he noticed particularly, however, were the vases of flowers that decorated various parts of the room.

Chandler's eyes flew to the man sitting in a chair, waiting for him. Dr. Curitan didn't look to be much older than Chandler. He was probably in his mid to late forties. He was blonde, but some grey hairs still came out in small patches. His glasses and casual outfit made him appear approachable. "Hello, Chandler. Have a seat."

Chandler obeyed. "So, let's just get this over with. I have a date tonight."

Dr. Curitan smiled. "Oh? Care to tell me about him?"

Chandler glared. "What makes you think it's a guy?"

The therapist chuckled. "Oh, come now. You don't expect me to believe that the man outside is not your date when you gave him that look."

Chandler was taken aback by his sudden forwardness. He stayed quiet.

When the quiet dragged on, the therapist spoke. "So what brings you to my office?"

"Like I told Dr. Ottinger – who is really creepy, by the way – it's in my file. I'm the crazy one they sent you."

"You're not crazy, Chandler."

Chandler smirked at the similarity between Dr. Ottinger and this guy. He decided to go with the same response. "Oh yeah? Prove it."

"Well, why do you think you're crazy?"  
Chandler glared. "You obviously didn't read my file. I'm suicidal and, even after one attempt, I'm more than ready to give it another go and wow," Chandler said in amazement. He actually _talked._ "You're good."

"If it makes you feel better. I didn't read your file at all. I'd prefer it if you'd tell me yourself. I personally think it's rude when the psychiatrists send me all these evaluations of people before I've even met them."

Chandler nodded. This guy wasn't one of those fake people who were just in it for the money. He was honestly here to help.

"So, tell me about yourself, Chandler."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "I think I now know what it's like for all those interviewers I get."

"You work for HR in a company?"

Chandler shook his head. "I'm an IT procurement manager. I'm the person HR sends the final applicants to. I interview them and see if they're fit for the company."

Dr. Curitan nodded. "And do you like your job?"

Chandler shook his head. "No. I want to quit – Joey wants me to as well – but I can't. It's our only source of major income."

"Is Joey this mysterious man outside my office?" Chandler blushed but nodded. "What's he like?"

Chandler's subtle smile gave the doctor all he needed to know, but he let Chandler explain. "He's..." Chandler sighed, hanging his head. "He's too good for me," he admitted.

"Why do you think that?"

Chandler shook his head, waving his hand flippantly. "You don't need to hear about my very gay relationship. You probably don't want to."

Dr. Curitan shook his head. "I assure you, Chandler. I am certainly not uncomfortable with homosexuals," he said with a smile. "In fact, I bet my husband would be shocked if I was."

Chandler's eyes widened. "Your husband?"

The doctor chuckled. "He's a very kind man."

Chandler smiled. "Sounds like Joey." He sighed. "Joey's the sweetest man I know. He's sweet, caring, protective, and every other positive adjective you can think of. He's perfect in every way. I don't know why he's with me, to be honest. I'm honestly damaged material."

"How long have you two been together?"

"About three days."

Dr. Curitan's eyes widened. "With the way you two looked at each other, I would guess much longer."

Chandler laughed. "Yeah, well, we've known each other for years. Our friends have told us all about the repressed sexual tension between us. It was bound to happen."

"Why do you think you're not good enough for Joey?"

Chandler looked away. "He's perfect. I'm not."

"I don't mean to be forward, but I think Joey is a grown man. I think he knows what he wants – who he desires – and that he has every right to make that decision.

"Based on the look he gave you, I can see he wants to be with you."

Chandler had never thought of it that way. He didn't have the right to decide who Joey could be with. If Joey wanted to be with him, Joey could make that decision on his own. "But, what if another woman comes along and suddenly Joey wants to be with her?"

"Well, then you and Joey just weren't meant to be. Is there a reason for this fear? Has he been unfaithful?"

Chandler shook his head fervently. "No! Never. Actually, it's been the opposite. Do you know the receptionist downstairs? Jessica?"

Dr. Curitan nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Yeah, she was clearly interested in him, but he let her know he was with me in his own way." Chandler blushed at the memory.

"If you've seen firsthand what Joey would do if a woman came along, why are you so frightened?"

Chandler shook his head. "I don't know..." He thought he had a lot of solid logic, but it seemed that he didn't.

The doctor nodded. "It's okay, Chandler. Sometimes we are so focused on one thing that we don't realize that we aren't thinking straight."

Chandler smirked. "I doubt you and I ever think straight, doc."

Dr. Curitan laughed. "You are very funny, Chandler."

"So I've been told."

They chatted for the rest of the session. When it was over, Chandler didn't even realize how much time had passed.

They shook hands afterwards and Chandler turned to walk out. "Chandler, before you go, I have some advice for you." He took a breath. "I think you should talk to Joey about your fears. I think it would greatly help your relationship."

Chandler nodded. "Y-yeah. Thanks." He then turned back to the door before walking out to see Joey asleep on the chair. "Joey?" Chandler called in a soft voice.

Joey jumped at Chandler's voice. "Chan'ler..."

Chandler chuckled. "Yeah, Joe. It's me."

Joey jumped up and hugged him, pressing lazy kisses all over his face. Chandler allowed it, forgetting that Dr. Curitan's office door was open behind him. The doctor respectfully looked away, but from what he saw, Chandler's suspicions that Joey would cheat on him or leave him seemed far off.

"Joey, come on. You're entirely too affectionate when you're sleepy."

Joey grinned widely. "Only for you, babe."

By the time they reached the car, Joey was wide awake. "Chandler, you ready to go to where I'm taking you?"

"That depends. Do I need to look as good as you? If so, I'll never be ready."

Joey smirked. "Why, Chandler. Did you just make a pass at me?"

Chandler blushed. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Joey."

Joey and Chandler got in the car and Joey drove to the opposite part of town and parked in a small parking lot. "Where are we?" Chandler asked.

"It's a surprise." He simply said.

Joey walked him into a small building. Inside was a tiny cabaret-like theatre, but instead of a stage, there was a movie screen.

Chandler smiled. "You're quite resourceful, Joey. When they say 'dinner and a movie,' they usually mean 'dinner and _then_ a movie,' but you've successfully combined them into one. I have to say I'm impressed."

Joey shuffled from foot to foot, smiling. He placed a kiss to Chandler's cheek. "Only the best for you."

They sat down at a table and a menu was brought to them. They ordered their food and waited for the movie. Chandler watched as the lights dimmed down and the screen began to play something. Chandler's eyes widened and he looked at Joey when he saw the title go across the screen. "Y-you... I know you don't like these movies, Joey. You didn't have to..."

"Like I said, only the best for you."

Chandler smiled from ear to ear before reaching over the table and kissing Joey for all he was worth before sitting back down to watch Star Wars. As boring as these movies were for Joey, getting Chandler to openly kiss him in public was definitely worth it.

Their food eventually arrived, but neither of them seemed to care. Chandler was too focused on the screen and Joey was too focused on Chandler. It was amazing what a movie could do to Chandler. His eyes would light up at certain scenes when he was amazed. When it made him sad, his teeth would ghost over his bottom lip. When he found something funny, the corners of his mouth would raise slowly until his eyes shut and then he was laughing.

Sometimes Chandler would look his way and smile in a way that Joey couldn't read. The brunet put his hand on the table in a subtle attempt to get Joey to take it, which the Italian gladly took. When Chandler looked at him again, Joey pulled Chandler's hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. That time, Chandler bit his lip for an entirely different reason than before.

All in all, Chandler was much more interesting than the movie. Chandler was beautiful.

Once the first movie was over, they worked on eating their food. Joey even let Chandler take a few fries off his plate. Eventually, the entire trilogy was played and, once they walked out of the theatre, Chandler talked animatedly about the movies all the way home.

Once in the apartment, Chandler went on a mini-rant about Star Wars. "I just don't get why people don't like those movies! I mean, even you came, and you don't even like those movies! Everyone goes so how can they not like them?"

"Well, for the people who go to the movies even though they don't like them, I know why."

"Why's that?" Chandler asked, legitimately curious.

Joey stepped close to Chandler, his hands finding their usual place on Chandler's hips. "They take someone like you to the theatre. They don't need to watch the movie itself. They have a whole other show going on in the seat right next to them."

Joey leaned in and kissed Chandler, the brunet returning the kiss with equal ferocity. There was so much history between them, so much love that they had a hard time pulling away. They promised each other that they would wait. They promised that they would take it slow.

When they pulled apart, Chandler cleared his throat. "Thank you for tonight, Joey. It was wonderful."

Joey smiled. "I'm glad you had a good time. I did too."

"You didn't even pay attention to the screen." Chandler teased.

Joey smirked. "I think you put on quite a good show."

"Yeah, yeah." Chandler brushed it off, but his smile gave away how he truly felt.

As it was only about eight, they decided to stay up for a few more hours just playing some games and talking. Eventually, Chandler brought up his therapy session with Dr. Curitan.

"Did you like him?" Joey asked.

Chandler nodded. "Yeah. He was a cool guy. Easy to talk to. He was totally fine with us, too. He's got a husband."

Joey smiled. "I'm glad you like him."

Chandler nodded, then, "Listen... Curitan and I... We talked about something, and I really don't feel comfortable telling him and not telling you about it."

Joey shook his head. "Chandler, that's what he's there for. Don't think you're keeping secrets. You'll tell me when you're ready."

"Thank you for being so understanding, but," he leaned over and pecked Joey on the cheek. "I want to tell you.

"It was a fear I've had for a while. I... I've been worried that you..." He trailed off. "Wow, actually, now that I'm sitting here trying to tell you this, it sounds entirely rude."

"It's okay, Chandler. I won't be offended."

Chandler nodded. "Well, I've just wondered why you're with me and that, if another woman came along, you would leave me for her." He looked away at the last part of the sentence.

Joey looked confused. "Why would I leave you?" He asked, like it was the strangest thing that had ever come out of Chandler's mouth.

"Well, you've always been with women, so... I thought that you would see someone who is infinitely better-looking than me and go be with her. She would be better for you. She can take care of you instead of you taking care of me..."

"Chandler, you might as well stop while you're behind. I'm not going to leave you for some woman. Yeah, the women I've been with in the past have been good-looking, but they don't even hold a candle to you. You're not... pretty like they are; guys usually aren't pretty. But you're beautiful. You are the most gorgeous person I've ever been with. You probably don't see it because you see yourself every day, but everything about you is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. When you have a shy moment, the way you look down and blush is the cutest thing I've seen. And the way your eyes glisten when you're angry... turns me on like nothing else. And your smile! It could light up a room"-

Chandler was blushing furiously. "Okay, okay! I get it. You're attracted to me..."

Joey smirked. "That's the biggest understatement I've ever heard in my life."

"Well, excuse me!" Chandler glared.

"See? There you go getting angry. You're so hot, Chandler."

"Sh-Shut up..."

After he stopped laughing, Joey continued with responding to Chandler's worries. "I could never leave you, Chandler. I don't have it in me to leave you. I would be leaving my whole world. As for taking care of you, you've been taking care of me for years. You pay my bills, buy and cook my food, encourage me when I get down on auditions. You've done so much for me. The least I can do for you is take care of you.

"And I want to. I want to help you through this because if you don't get through it, I'm not sure I can either..." Joey admitted.

Chandler looked away. "I'm sorry."

Joey made Chandler look at him. "Don't be. One of these days, you're going to look at me and tell me that your life means something to you. When you're ready to face that, I'll be here for you. I promise you. Until then, I'll be helping you get there."

The brunet nodded. "I... I don't know if I'll ever get there... I'm trying, Joe..."

Joey nodded. "That's all I'm asking for. Once you give up... It's all over."

They then changed the topic, talking about anything and everything under the sun. Eventually Chandler started to yawn and Joey led him to his room. "Goodnight, Chandler."

Chandler kissed Joey softly. "Goodnight."

The next three weeks went by uneventfully. Joey and Chandler went on regular dates; they even hung out with their friends, which they hadn't done in a while. Chandler went to therapy, he was taking his medicine, and his attitude was starting to pick up.

It wasn't until the beginning of the fourth week that things started to go bad.

Chandler was asleep, once again trapped in his nightmare. However, tonight, it changed. Tonight Dead Chandler was after Joey and, though Chandler tried to stop it, Joey couldn't hear his cries for Joey to run. Eventually, Dead Chandler spoke to Joey and Joey, thinking it was him, kissed Dead Chandler.

The dead version of himself then dropped Joey's cold body onto the floor and turned to Chandler. "This is what you're doing to him. This is what will happen to him if you stay with him. End it. End it now."

But Chandler was too focused on Joey's cold body. He screamed Joey's name over and over until his throat started to hurt.

Chandler's vision suddenly came into focus and he realized he was sitting up in bed, covered in sweat and screaming his heart out, and Joey was in front of him. Tears were falling down his face as he cried out, "Chandler, come on. Wherever you are, you're not there. You're here, with me. I'm here."

"J-Joey?" Chandler called hesitantly, his throat hurting from all the screaming.

Joey gripped him into a tight hug. "Jesus, Chandler. You scared the shit outta me."

Chandler returned the embrace, needing the comfort that Joey was here and alive. He sobbed into Joey's shoulder until he could produce no more tears.

Eventually Chandler explained the nightmare to Joey. "It's been the same nightmare I've had since I woke up in the hospital."

Joey was shocked. "Have you talked to Dr. Curitan about this?"

Chandler shook his head. "It wasn't that serious until now."

"I think you should talk to him. He might be able to give you some insight onto what's going on."

Chandler nodded. "I'll talk to him when I see him next week."

Joey nodded his approval. He was going to get up to leave, but Chandler grabbed his arm. "Stay?" He said, suddenly unsure.

Joey smiled softly, his voice barely a whisper when he said, "Okay."

When they crawled into bed together, and Joey wrapped his arms protectively around Chandler's body, the brunet fell back asleep rather quickly. He fell asleep to the steady rise and fall of Joey's chest against his back. For the first time in a month, he didn't have a nightmare.

And when he woke up lying on Joey's chest, feeling his slow breathing and his steady heartbeat against his cheek, he simply thought, _I could get used to this._

Chandler was sitting at Monica and Rachel's with Joey when he started suspecting he was actually going crazy. He was just talking to Monica when he saw something in the corner of the room. He looked over and, to his horror, he was staring at himself – the one from his dreams. Dead Chandler was smirking at him. Then, as if he were there, he said, "You don't deserve to be their friend. You're nothing. You're pathetic. Leave. Go off yourself you piece of shit."

Chandler's eyes widened and his hands began to shake. _He's not real. He's not real. You're not getting enough sleep..._

When Chandler opened his eyes that he hadn't realized he'd closed, Dead Chandler was gone, but Chandler couldn't shake the feeling that he was still there somewhere, watching him.

Joey noticed Chandler's sudden fear spike and was worried. He gave Chandler a look, but the brunet just shrugged his shoulders then he was talking again and Joey shrugged, thinking Chandler would tell him later.

But he never did and he just forgot to ask.

That night wasn't much better. It was after their date to a restaurant when they were walking to their apartment. Joey was opening the door and, when they walked in, Dead Chandler was standing in the kitchen. The real Chandler gulped heavily, but walked into the apartment, intent on ignoring the obvious hallucination.

"So," Joey said. "Did you have fun?"

Chandler nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah! It was a lot of fun. I'll never get over you and spaghetti, Joey." He chuckled.

"Hey! I'm Italian! It's in my blood to like the food!"

"Yeah, but I think the sauce really liked your face. I was kind of jealous, what with the way you were practically showering in the sauce. Are you trying to replace me?" Chandler asked, feigning offense.

Joey smirked. "Well, the sauce is rather tasty, but I can think of someone that tastes better."

Chandler blushed and of course Dead Chandler had to make a comment. "Oh, gross. You look like a dying tomato. He doesn't want you and don't think for a moment that he does. Your trash. He's just using you. He's waiting for you to cave and have sex with him, then you'll just be another tally."

Chandler winced at his words and Joey noticed. "Are you okay, Chandler?" He asked, worried about his boyfriend.

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired," he lied. _No need for Joey to actually realize I'm insane..._

"Well, let's get you to bed then."  
Chandler took his medicine and went to bed shortly after that. Every time he'd get close to falling asleep, however, Dead Chandler would whisper in his ear to wake up. Chandler resisted his words and forced himself to ignore him, but he knew it would only be so long before he couldn't take it anymore.

It went on for another week.

Because of the severe lack of sleep, he had started lashing out at everyone, including Joey. It was getting to a point where he couldn't function. Eventually, Joey forced Chandler to speak to Dr. Ottinger about whatever was going on, saying insomnia could be a side effect of his Zoloft. Chandler didn't even make a fuss about it, either. He even admitted to the psychiatrist that he was having hallucinations, but Dr. Ottinger just said to keep taking the medicine and that he would get better.

 _Yep. Real helpful._ Chandler had thought sarcastically.

It was three in the morning and Chandler was wide awake. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't scream. He couldn't move.

Dead Chandler was there. He was always there.

He spoke to Chandler. It wasn't always directly. Sometimes he would hear him in the back of his mind, but he was always there. Dead Chandler was trying to hurt him. He was trying to kill him.

Chandler fought against those cold hands on his throat, eventually escaping and running to the bathroom, hiding from something that he was too scared to realize he couldn't hide from.

"You think you can run, but you can't. I'll always be here. I'll never let you go. I'll never stop until you end it. End it, Chandler."

"Get out of my head!" Chandler screamed at him, but Dead Chandler just smirked.

Chandler yelled and punched the mirror in their bathroom, the shards breaking and digging into his hand.

Then, looking at a large shard that had fallen in the sink, he saw it.

Another opportunity.

"End it, Chandler. Take the glass and do it. Cut your wrist until you can't tell there was ever skin. End your pathetic excuse for a life."

Chandler picked up the glass shard.

Meanwhile, Joey heard Chandler's screams. He got up from his position and ran as fast as he could to the bathroom, praying that he wouldn't find Chandler like he had found him before.

He opened the door to find the mirror shattered and Chandler curling in on himself in the corner between the tub and the toilet. He could see that Chandler's hand was bleeding profusely. He had to get him to a doctor quickly. "Chandler!"

But when Chandler looked at him, he didn't see Joey. Dead Chandler was looking at him instead. The terrified man screamed. "Get away from me!" He yelled, taking the glass shard he had kept in his hand and attempting to stab the thing haunting his dreams as well as his waking life.

Joey quickly dodged, but he still got hurt in their tiny bathroom. There was a deep cut on his forearm, but that wasn't on the forefront of his mind. Chandler was seeing something else. He could tell by the fear radiating from his entire being. He had to get Chandler to see him.

"Chandler, it's me, Joey."

Chandler shook his head, his eyes a puffy red from either lack of sleep or crying. Maybe both. "Don't fuck with me," he threatened, his voice cracking at the end.

"Chandler, whatever you're seeing, it's not real," he took a tentative step forward, but Chandler held up the piece of glass and Joey backed off. "Can't you tell it's me? I doubt whatever you're seeing is as pretty as me considering it's got you so scared." He said, trying to joke. Chandler's hallucination wanted to hurt him, not joke with him. Joey figured this might get him to see him instead of the hallucination.

Chandler blinked, not understanding why Dead Chandler was joking with him. "I said don't fuck with me, dammit!"

Tears were streaming down Chandler's face. Joey found that he was crying as well. "Chandler, look at me," he pleaded.

Suddenly Chandler blinked through his tears, the familiarity of the phrase allowing his vision to clear of the hallucination only to reveal a bleeding Joey. "J-Joey?"

"Yeah, Chandler. It's me. I promise. Please, come back to me..." He said, his voice barely coming out.

Chandler, upon realizing who was in front of him, fell to the ground in a sobbing mess. Joey grabbed a towel and immediately wrapped it around Chandler's hand, said man wincing when the glass shards in his hand moved. "Joey... Your arm!" He cried when he noticed the wound on his boyfriend's forearm.

Joey shook his head. "It's fine. No worries."

Chandler's skin paled. "I-I did that?"

"Like I said, I'm fine. You didn't mean it, Chandler."

But Chandler wasn't listening. "I could've... I could've killed you!"

"But you didn't," Joey said simply.

"Joey! This is serious! I can't be here. I don't want to be here if I'm going to kill you! God, Joey! I feel like I'm trapped in my own mind! I just want it to end! I just want it to fucking stop!" He was sobbing and hyperventilating again.

"Shut up, Chandler!"

Chandler closed his mouth, attempting to control his breathing while Joey helped him up and silently dragged him downstairs to the car. They drove in silence all the way to the hospital.

Once in the ER, Chandler had to speak. "Joey, I-I'm sorry for making you mad... Please don't be mad at me."

Joey sighed. "I'm not mad at you, Chandler. I was scared and I lashed out. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"I hurt you," Chandler said as the nurses pulled glass out of his hand and Joey received the last of his stitches.

"It wasn't your fault. You were seeing something else. What were you seeing?"

Chandler looked away. "I saw the thing I want to become," he said simply.

"And what is that, exactly?"

Chandler smiled sadly at him. "Dead."

Joey's expression fell. "You saw... A dead version of yourself? Isn't that the same thing you've been seeing in your nightmares?"

Chandler blinked. "I forgot I told you that."

"Listen, I'm going to find out why this is happening. I'm going to see if that doctor is here somewhere."

Ten minutes later, Joey had found the doctor that had treated Chandler before. "Mr. Bing," the doctor said. "Explain to me fully what has been going on."

Chandler nodded and explained his nightmare to the doctor. He was uncomfortable, but if sharing his story could help prevent him from killing Joey, he would share his darkest secrets with a complete stranger.

The doctor listened intently. Then, out of the blue, he asked, "What medicine are you taking right now?"

Chandler's brow furrowed in confusion. "Zoloft, why?"

The doctor's brow furrowed as well. "Have you told your psychiatrist about this?"

Chandler nodded. "I went to see him a week or so ago, and I told him my nightmares were getting pretty vivid, to the point I was seeing things while awake, but he just said that I would get better if I kept taking the medicine."

The doctor shook his head. "This shouldn't be happening. He should have taken you off the medicine the moment you said you were hallucinating."

Joey glared heavily at the doctor. "What the Hell are you trying to say? Cause it sounds to me like you recommended a psychiatrist that doesn't know what he's doing!"

"Joey, please. Calm down." Chandler pleaded.

"Mr. Bing, who is your psychiatrist again?"

"Dr. Ottinger." He answered.

The doctor shook his head. "I didn't recommend you to him. That business card was for Dr. Stephens."

Chandler's eyes widened. "What?"

The doctor's expression changed from shock to a barely restrained look of rage. "I assure you Mr. Bing, Mr. Tribbiani. I will personally get to the bottom of this. I'm sincerely apologize for this. There was most likely a mix up at the Office of Psychiatry.

"Tonight, however, I want you to stay in the hospital, Mr. Bing. I want to be sure that the Zoloft is out of your system."

"I'm not leaving him here alone," Joey said, honestly worried for what was coming.

The doctor nodded. "I can pull some strings and let you stay in his room with him."

"Thank you," Joey said sincerely.

"Am I going to be put in a psych ward?" Chandler asked, blushing at his outburst.

The doctor shook his head. "I know we agreed that you would be put in one if you had another episode, but this one was not of your own doing. I do not think you have anything to worry about."

Chandler sighed in relief. "Thank you..."

The doctor smiled. "No problem. Now let me go make some phone calls."

They watched the doctor walk away and then they were taken to a room with two beds pushed right next to each other. Chandler huffed, asking the nurses why they assumed they were together.

The nurses looked scared of Chandler, but Joey just looked at him and said, "But we are."

Chandler waved him off while glaring at the giggling nurses, saying, "That's not the point. What if I was homophobic? They could've made a really bad accusation."

"You were homophobic." Joey said.

"Ah, but here I am, with you."

Joey pulled Chandler close and kissed him. The nurses giggled some more when Chandler glared but didn't pull away. "Indeed you are."

They eventually crawled into bed after they were given scrubs to change into. "Joey?" Chandler called.

"Hmm?" Joey said, half asleep.

"Am I going to be okay?"

"Of course."

"How are you so certain?"

Joey opened his eyes and stared at Chandler, making the man feel as if he was staring right into his broken soul. His sad expression hurt Chandler in a way he couldn't describe. "Because I don't think I could handle the alternative."

Chandler just nodded and turned his body so he could sleep comfortably.

But he couldn't sleep. Why did he care if he was going to be okay? He wanted to die, didn't he?

He didn't have a desire to live, so what was that?

His finally fell asleep when the sun began to rise, exhaustion and confusion overwhelming him. Hopefully everything would be figured out tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

Chandler woke up to Joey coming out of the bathroom. "Hey, Joe," Chandler said with a sleepy smile.

Joey wore a scowl on his face. "Hey, Chan," he said, obviously distracted by something.

Chandler motioned for Joey to lie with him on his bed. Joey happily obliged. The Italian pulled Chandler towards him so that he was resting his head on his chest. "What's wrong?" Chandler asked.

Joey sighed worriedly. "It turns out there wasn't a mix-up at the psychiatry office. What happened here was intentional."

Chandler was confused. "What do you mean?"  
"I actually did call for an appointment with Dr. Stephens, but the receptionist told me she was out for the week, so I asked her if there was someone else you could meet with. She signed you up for Dr. Ottinger. I can't believe I forgot about this...

"Anyways, apparently Dr. Ottinger was only supposed to meet with you one time, but somehow..."

"Somehow what, Joey?" Chandler asked, not liking where this was going.

"He somehow found out you were in a relationship with a man and decided that 'you needed to be cleansed.' He decided to take you up as his regular patient. Apparently he lied and said you liked him and wanted him to be your psychiatrist instead of Dr. Stephens."

"How could he have known that I was with a man..." Chandler slowly trailed off when he came to the realization of how he knew. "He told me he saw you and me in the lobby."

"What?" Joey asked, not getting what he was referring to.

By this point, both the men were sitting cross-legged, facing each other. "That first day, the day I first saw Dr. Ottinger. He said he saw you and me in the lobby together. That's how he knew I was with you."

Joey nodded, then continued his explanation. "He wanted to cleanse you of your sinful ways. He prescribed you Zoloft, knowing it would give you those hallucinations because apparently there's a personality type for being prone to hallucinations. He wanted you to kill yourself, Chandler, and he wanted you to kill me along with you..." He trailed off, not sure how to say the next part, but continued when Chandler told him to say what he needed to say. "He's done this before, Chandler. Someone died from his Zoloft prescriptions."

"Who?" Chandler asked.

"Do you remember the receptionist? Jessica?"

Chandler nodded. Then it hit him like a brick. "Oh, God. Her sister, Elizabeth..."

"Yeah. Apparently Elizabeth had a girlfriend named Violet. Elizabeth ended up killing Violet and, when she realized what she'd done, she killed herself."

Chandler covered his mouth, trying to hold back the fear and tears threatening to fall. Jessica was so sweet, but she would never be the same when she finds out her sister was technically murdered by the psychiatrist that was supposed to help her. "Does she know?" Chandler asked.

Joey shook her head. "I requested that we be the ones to tell her. We have to tell her. It might bring her a little bit of comfort if she hears it from someone she recognizes."

Chandler nodded. It wouldn't bring back her sister, but he hoped it would give her a little bit of closure in knowing that her sister wasn't a murderer and that she didn't do it on her own.

Then, the strangest words came out of Joey's mouth. "Chandler, I'm so sorry."

Chandler was confused again. "Why are you sorry? Do you think this is your fault?" When Joey said nothing, Chandler glared, "You had no idea that Dr. Ottinger would turn out to be insane with homophobia. You were trying to help. This is not your fault, so stop thinking that it is and never think that way again, okay?"

Joey nodded, then pulled Chandler in for a heartfelt kiss, pouring his very soul into it. He let his tongue ask for entrance, which Chandler now happily allowed. Joey gently pushed Chandler onto his back, never once breaking their kiss. Chandler pulled frantically at the short hairs on the back of Joey's scalp and when their hardening erections ground together through the thin fabric of the scrubs, he gasped loudly and whimpered for more from the man above him.

Joey had one arm propping himself up while the other was holding Chandler's hip in a tight grip. His hand had begun to travel underneath the scrubs the hospital nurses had given him when he suddenly stopped. Chandler, also suddenly coming to the realization of where they were and what they were about to do, breathed out a laugh against Joey's lips.

"You think the security guards watching our room got a good show?" Chandler grinned, looking at the obvious camera in the corner of the room.

"You think you're so funny, don't you? Meanwhile, I haven't had sex in two months! The last time I had sex was when that girl stormed out of the apartment and I didn't even get to finish!" Joey sounded honestly frustrated.

"Oh, yeah. I remember that," Chandler said distantly. "Why did she storm out, anyways?"

In rare form, Joey blushed. "I, uh, I might have said your name... a couple times..."

Chandler joined Joey in blushing, though his was a much deeper crimson. "O-Oh..."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, oh. But it doesn't matter," he said, then leaned down and pecked Chandler on the lips before climbing off of him. "I have you now and I still want to take this slow."

Chandler looked at Joey, trying to ignore the tent in the man's scrub pants, but unable to keep his tongue from darting out to wet his suddenly dry lips. The action didn't go unnoticed by Joey. "Well, maybe we should skip going slow."

Joey was seriously considering jumping Chandler right then and there when their friends came rushing in, breaking their heated moment.

Joey and Chandler didn't have much alone time that day once their friends came in. They were worried when both of the men refused to explain the situation, but their friends tried to be respectful of their decision. Of course, they had to press a little bit. Their worry was overriding their respectfulness, however, the two men didn't seem to mind.

By the time night rolled around, they were all still in Monica's apartment. They all had spent the majority of the day together just enjoying each other's company. Everyone was having such a good time; even Chandler seemed to be in a lighthearted mood. It had been a long time since it had been just the six of them, but strangely enough, Chandler missed seeing Mike and Richard. Though the two men weren't originally in their group, he had really grown attached to seeing them with Phoebe and Monica. Anyone who made those two women happy was good enough for Chandler to consider a true friend.

"Hey Phoebe, Monica?" Chandler called. When they turned to him, he asked, "Where are Mike and Richard? I figured they'd be here."  
Phoebe smiled and explained. "They both figured that you both would want to be with just us, since we've all been friends for a lot longer. They didn't want to make you two uncomfortable."

Joey's brow furrowed, Chandler wearing a matching expression. "But we like Mike and Richard," Joey said.

"Yeah, I thought maybe you guys fought or something." Chandler continued.

Joey nodded his agreement.

"Oh, no. We're not fighting," Monica explained. "Do you want us to call them?"

Chandler shrugged. "Why not? They're just as much a part of this group as Joey and I, right?"

Everyone nodded while Monica and Phoebe smiled gleefully. "Thank you, Chandler. That really means a lot," she said. "By the way," she started. "How are you and Joey doing? I mean, you guys still together"-

She was cut off when Joey jumped up and wrapped his hands around her mouth. "Okay, everyone! I need to speak with Monica about... things. I'm just going to talk to her out in the hallway now. Phoebe, why don't you call Mike to pass the time and get him over here? And Chandler, could you join me and Monica for a moment?"

Chandler nodded, laughing at Joey's reaction. They walked into the hall, Chandler shutting the door behind him before Joey began whisper-yelling at Monica. "What the Hell was that?" He asked. "You almost let it slip!"

Monica rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Joey! You guys don't honestly think the group doesn't suspect anything, do you? You guys have been hanging off each other practically all day! Ross has asked me three times whether you two are – and I quote – 'doing things.' This is Ross we're talking about here, guys! Clueless Ross!"

Joey glared. "It's our decision whether or not we tell them, not yours."

Monica held her hands in surrender. "Fine, but I don't see why you're keeping it a secret."

Joey looked at Chandler, who was just leaning against the wall beside Monica's apartment door, grinning like an idiot. "What are you smirking about?"

"Oh, nothing," he said. "But I do agree with Monica."

Joey wore a shocked expression. "R-Really?"

Chandler smiled. "Yeah. I don't mind telling anyone about us. At first I was apprehensive because I was afraid of what they would think of you, but now I'm pretty sure that they'll be okay with it."

Joey walked over and pulled Chandler down for an intense kiss. Monica looked away at first, but when they didn't seem like they were going to stop, she smacked Joey on the back of the head, causing him smash his forehead into Chandler's. "Ow, Mon. Why'd you do that?" Joey asked as both the men cradled their heads in their hands.

"Because I really don't want you two groping each other outside my hallway! Ross and Rachel do that enough! The neighbors are going to think I run some kind of brothel in there!"

Chandler looked thoughtful. "You do have really large rooms, nice beds, nice furniture. And you never let us snoop around... Are you hiding chains in your closet? I bet you are. You and Richard look like you're into some pretty kinky shit."

Chandler laughed when she hit him in the shoulder. "Get inside right now!"

"Yes, Madame Monica," Chandler said before hiding behind Joey when she dove in to hit him again.

The three friends walked into the apartment, the two men ready to share their news. "Hey, guys?" Chandler called out. The others turned to him and he continued. "Joey and I have something to tell you."

"What's up, Chandler?" Rachel said.

"Well... You see... Joey and I... We, uh..." He scratched the back of his head, blushing when he couldn't find the right words.

"Joey and you what, Chandler?" Phoebe asked.

Yeah, Chandler," Joey said with a grin. "Joey and you what?"

Chandler glared at Joey, said man caving when he saw how difficult this explanation was. Joey silently apologized before taking over for the smaller man. "We have to tell you guys something important."

"We got that already," Ross said. "You can tell us, you know. The suspense is killing us!"

Everyone nodded their agreement, but let Joey continue. "Well, I'm not very good with words; that's Chandler's thing. I'm a man of action, so why don't I just show you?"

Chandler wasn't sure what Joey meant by that until he felt the man's lips on his own. His eyes widened in shock along with everyone else's before closing, letting him sink into Joey's protective embrace.

When they pulled apart, they enlaced their hands and stared into each other's eyes for just a moment, silently offering support for what could come, then turned to face their friends, hands still together.

"So, guys," Joey said. "Meet Chandler, my boyfriend."

Their friends were silent for just a moment before Phoebe shouted rather loudly. "Pay up, everyone! That's fifty bucks a piece!"

Ross, Rachel, and Monica sighed before pulling out their wallets and handing Phoebe the money.

"You all _bet_ on us?" Chandler asked incredulously.

"Well, technically speaking, I bet on you. They bet against you." Phoebe said.

"How the Hell did you even lose, Monica? You've known since we got together, pretty much!" Chandler said, throwing his arms up.

"Hey, we've had this bet going for years!" She defended.

 _"Years?"_ Chandler and Joey said at the same time.

"Your pent up sexual tension has been driving us crazy for about that long," Rachel said. "None of us but Phoebe thought you'd ever admit it to each other."

"Okay, guys. Enough bet-talking," Monica said. "I've been waiting for almost two months to hear how this whole thing happened!"

"Oh, yeah, tell us everything," Rachel said.

Joey decided to sit on the only open spot on the couch while Chandler settled himself on the floor between Joey's legs. "Well," Joey started while running his hands through Chandler's hair, making the man lean into his caressing touch. "It started out in the hospital after Chandler woke up..."

Joey explained most of the situation, Chandler dozing off for the most part due to the ministrations from the man above him. Chandler jumped when Joey finished his story because the girls seemed to have a fit over something.

"You two are the most adorable thing I've ever seen!" Rachel practically squealed.

Phoebe nodded her approval but Monica rolled her eyes. "Please. You think they're adorable now, but wait until you accidentally catch them doing what I caught them doing..."

Phoebe's eyes lightened with a sort of mischief that Chandler wasn't sure he was comfortable with. Then, she asked, "How's the sex? I mean, we've all heard that Joey is good, but now we have a friend who will tell us!"

Chandler's mouth resembled a fish while Joey just laughed outright. By the time Chandler was blushing so hard his cheeks hurt, he blurted out, "N-Not that it's any of y-your business, but w-we haven't had sex!"

Though no one noticed, Joey smiled softly at Chandler. _He's so cute._

"Really?" Phoebe asked. "I figured you of all people, Joey, would have jumped at the notion of sex."

Joey shook his head. "Nah. I seem to have a bad track record when I start out with sex. I'm trying something new with this one. Besides," Joey continued his ministrations in Chandler's hair when he realized he had stopped. "I think this one's a keeper. What do you guys think?"

The girls all nodded. That was when Chandler noticed Ross being unnaturally quiet. Suddenly he grew very uncomfortable. "Hey, Ross," Chandler started, trying to sound lighthearted. "You're being abnormally quiet over there. Are you okay?"

Ross stared at Chandler with an abnormally cold gaze. "Yeah, I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around my two best friends being gay."

Chandler glared, getting defensive of Joey. "Well, I already told you that I was bisexual and Joey doesn't exactly seem like the type to care about gender either, so I don't see what the big deal is here."

"The big deal?" Ross scoffed. "The big deal here is that it's just wrong, okay?"

"Ross!" Rachel yelled.

Joey shook his head. "It's okay, Rach. Let the man talk." Joey then turned back to Ross. "Why is it wrong, Ross? C'mon. Tell me. Give me a reason. You've seemed pretty okay with Carol and Susan."

"That's different," he defended. "They're raising my son. I'm keeping my mouth shut because it's to benefit my kid."

"Okay, why is it wrong, then?"

 _Joey's being really calm about this,_ Chandler thought. All Chandler wanted to do was curl in on himself until Ross left.

"Because it's disgusting." Ross said. "It's not natural."

"By whose standards is it not natural?" Joey said heatedly. _There's the anger,_ Chandler thought.

"God's."

That was when Joey lost all control.

"Don't you _dare_ bring God into this," he threatened. "God loves all His children, no matter what. God does not think anyone is 'unnatural' or that their actions are 'disgusting.' He created us all so that we could live here in harmony with all of His creations. He didn't send us here so we could be bigoted assholes."

"What do you know about God's Will?" Ross asked.

"I believe in God as much as the next Catholic."

Chandler was shocked by that, but he stayed quiet.

"God made me who I am. Yes, the Bible says being gay is wrong, but the Bible was written by men, not God. Yes, those men were chosen by God, but men are not perfect, therefore I refuse to believe that the Bible is flawless. So please, keep using the Bible as a reference to how me being Chandler is a sin. It'll definitely convince me."

Chandler, in a moment of either stupidity or insanity, laughed at Joey's obvious sarcasm and impressive use of vocabulary. This was probably not the best way to go because Ross tackled him to the floor from his position between Joey's legs and proceeded to try to beat the ever-living shit out of him.

"Ross! Stop this right now!" Rachel screamed, but he wasn't hearing any of it.

Ross got a few solid punches before Chandler and Joey managed to throw him off. The girls held Ross back, accidentally allowing Joey to deliver a solid punch to his nose. Something cracked underneath his fist and Joey felt a sickening joy from this. "If you lay a finger on Chandler again, I swear to God I will kill you, you understand me?"

Chandler, meanwhile, was holding his cheek and mouth between his hands. He was caught so off-guard that he didn't even have a chance to fight back. "Joey," he whispered. "Let's just go."

Joey saw the state his boyfriend was in and just nodded tiredly. "Alright, Chandler."

"Guys, I'm really sorry for ruining the night..." Chandler said, pointedly looking away from Ross as he walked out of the apartment and to his and Joey's.

"Let me take a look at you," Joey said after turning Chandler around to face him. The Italian could see two main bruises. One was on his cheek and the other was just below his lip. His bottom lip was bleeding as well. Joey was glaring, but Chandler knew it wasn't directed towards him.

"Now, now, Joey. Don't go over there and kill him. I think Rachel wants to keep him." He said, trying to joke. When he smiled, however, his lip opened a little more and he winced, making Joey's scowl deepen.

Joey went to the fridge and grabbed an ice pack Chandler used for work when he had to pack food. "Chandler, go sit on the chair over there, will you?"

Chandler nodded and went to sit down, Joey following him with the ice pack. Joey sat on the arm of the chair and held the pack to Chandler's lip and cheek. He winced at the cold, but other than that, Chandler stayed still. "Thank you, Joey."

Joey smiled. "Nah. It's nothing. I can hold this ice pack all day."

Chandler shook his head. "That's not what I meant. You defended me against Ross, our friend. I really appreciate it."

Joey's glare returned. "That asshole had it coming. Who does he think he his? I mean, who brings God and the Bible into it when he's trying to prove that loving someone is wrong? That's like bringing in a dictionary to find the definition of a word, seeing that your definition is wrong, then still trying to say that your definition is right! It's stupid! God doesn't hate anyone!"

Chandler chuckled. "You're really passionate about this, Joey. Is this something that's been on your mind for a while?"

Joey nodded. "I've given this a lot of thought ever since the moment I found out I wanted to be with you."

Chandler tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach as he asked, "So, you're Catholic? How's that working out for you?"

Joey blushed. "Yeah, I'm Catholic. Why? Does it bother you?"

Chandler shook his head fervently. "No! Not at all! I just thought that was kind of strange, you know, being in a relationship with another man and how the Church views homosexuality."

Joey nodded. "I don't know. I kind of just do what feels right. Being with you feels right and so does believing in God." He shrugged. "I guess I never really thought of that being contradictive."

Chandler's brow furrowed. "Where the Hell did you learn all these words? 'Contradictive? Bigoted?' I don't even know how to take this! God, you're so hot," Chandler said. Then, his cheeks turned red upon realizing what he said.

Joey chuckled, then leaned over and kissed Chandler on the forehead. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Chandler blushed. "I'm really sorry, Joe."

"For what?"

"I'm pretty sure we lost a friend today, maybe more if Monica decides to side with her brother and if Rachel sides with her boyfriend."

Joey shook his head. "If they decide to side with Ross, then they weren't our friends in the first place."

"I wish I had your optimism."

Joey laughed. Then, there was a knock at the door. Joey let Chandler hold the ice pack while he went to answer it. Standing there were Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica. Joey put on his trademark smirk. "How you doin'?"

"Let us in right now, Joey!" Phoebe said, shoving passed the Italian and walking straight up to Chandler. "Chandler, I am so sorry!" Rachel said behind Phoebe.

Monica wasn't far behind either. "Yeah, I'm sorry my brother was an asshole. We made him leave. You can come back over if you want?"

Chandler's eyes widened. Then he shook his head. "No, you guys! You can't just shun Ross. Rachel, you love him. And Monica, he's your brother, for Christ's sake."

Rachel looked away. "I love him, but that doesn't excuse his actions." Monica nodded her approval.

Chandler sighed. "Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it." He smiled genuinely.

"Don't mention it," Rachel said. "He'll come around eventually. He's just being dumb."

Chandler nodded. "I hope so," he said, but he wasn't very optimistic.

Joey eventually shooed the girls out of the apartment, saying that he wanted to spend time with Chandler alone tonight. After they were out the door, Joey walked back over to Chandler. "Come on, babe. Let's go to bed."

Chandler glared. "I'm not tired." He said petulantly.

"You were falling asleep at Monica's earlier. Don't give me that."

Chandler rolled his eyes, then yawned. "Okay, fine. You win." He stood up and stretched, put the ice pack back in the fridge, then walked with Joey to his room. "Goodnight, Chandler," Joey said before placing a gentle kiss to Chandler's lips, careful of the cut on his bottom lip.

Chandler would never get used to the electricity that ran through him whenever Joey kissed him. He hoped he never did. "Goodnight, Joey."

A week went by before the two men saw Ross again. Chandler didn't know if he would ever see Ross again; he'd even talked to Dr. Curitan about his troubles, but the therapist could only say that Ross would have to figure out his feelings on his own.

Chandler was in the coffee shop with Monica; Joey had finally scheduled an audition at Chandler's insistence so the brunet needed someone to watch him, as was the stipulation of his release from the hospital. Ross walked in while Monica was in the restroom, leaving Chandler to sit there by himself when Ross came in and sat on the couch, not saying anything to Chandler, who was sitting in the arm chair. Chandler stared down at his knees, suddenly very uncomfortable. He didn't want to make Ross even angrier by saying something, so he just stayed quiet. He instead chewed on his bottom lip, wincing when his teeth grazed the healed yet still tender spot on his lip.

When Chandler dared to look up at Ross, he saw how bruised his nose was under the bandages. It was clearly broken. Before he could stop himself, he blurted, "I'm really sorry about your nose."

When Ross looked at him, Chandler looked down at his lap again and closed his eyes tightly, asking himself how he could be any more stupid.

Surprisingly enough, Ross' voice broke the silence. "It's okay. I kind of deserved it."

Chandler was shocked. So shocked, in fact, that he couldn't find the right words. Ross seemed to find them for him, however. "Chandler, I'm really sorry for what I said and for hitting you. I never should have done something like that. I didn't even mean what I said; I'm not very religious in the first place. I guess I just..." He shook his head. "Never mind. No amount of excuses can make up for what I did."

"Tell me why." Chandler said.

"Huh?"

"You were going to say something, but you said never mind. What was it?"

Ross nodded in understanding. "I was just gonna say that I guess I tried to take my feelings about Carol and Susan out on you. I mean, Carol was my wife and she left me for another woman. I guess I just thought that since you and Joey were together now that you would leave me too..."

Chandler shook his head. "We'd never do that, Ross. Not to you. You'd have to give us a pretty damn good reason to make us leave."

Ross sighed in relief. "How's Joey?"  
Chandler smiled. "He's fine, though, you might want to stay away from him for a while," he said, his gaze changing to worried. "He hasn't been very happy with you. I can't even mention certain words that might pertain to you without him scowling."

Ross nodded. "I'll accept that. I did hit his boyfriend. I mean, I would be pretty pissed if someone hit Rachel."

"How are you and Rachel, by the way?"

Ross sighed again, this time in more of a frustrated tone. "She's not very happy with me. I don't think anyone is right now."

Chandler grinned. "I'll put in a good word for you, okay?"

Ross' eyes filled with sincere gratitude. "You'd do that?"

Chandler smiled and nodded. "Of course. You're one of my best friends."

Ross nodded. "I can't believe this..."

"Hmm?" Chandler questioned.

"I can't believe I was forgiven by the last person I thought would forgive me..."

Chandler's gaze softened considerably, his expression ghosting over haunted. "Sometimes wanting death puts a lot of things into perspective. You don't hold grudges because you want your goodbye to be a good one."

Before Ross could stop himself, he said, "I would rather you hate me for the rest of my life than what you're thinking."

Chandler was going to say something – he wasn't sure what, but words were coming – but then Monica came out and was just about to yell at Ross to get out when Chandler stopped her instead of voicing his thoughts to Ross. "Relax, Monica. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah. We talked. He apologized. We're good."

She looked like she didn't really understand, but she decided to trust Chandler's judgment. "Good luck convincing Joey, Ross. He won't be as nice as Chandler." She scoffed.

Ross sighed. "I know..."

Eventually, Chandler went back to the apartment after saying Joey would be home any minute. He went to open the door only to see that Joey was already there. "Hey, Joey! How'd the audition go?"

Joey jumped, hitting his forehead on the door. "Son of a bitch!"

Chandler laughed. "Sorry, Joey. I didn't mean to scare you."

Joey turned to Chandler, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him towards him. "Kiss it and make it better?" Joey asked with a grin.

Chandler smiled. "Sure." He kissed Joey's forehead softly.

"Ugh, get a room. Your lovesickness is going to kill me."

Chandler and Joey turned to see Monica coming up the stairs. "Yeah, yeah, okay, Miss "Richard is so great and I can't shut up about him." I'm going to take my happiness and milk it for all it's worth." Joey smirked and Chandler blushed at the very suggestive and unintentional handjob innuendo. "And that completely came out wrong." Chandler said.

"Please take your milking somewhere else. I really don't want to see that." Monica said.

"Oh, but I do," Joey said, kissing Chandler passionately while dragging him into their apartment. Upon shutting the door, Chandler was roughly pushed against it by Joey before his lips were attacked by the Italian's. "I missed you," Joey said in between heated touches and frantic thoughts.

Chandler gasped when Joey once again had his arms pinned above his head; the man seemed to have a thing for this kind of thing, not that he was complaining. "If you missing me was going to get – ah! – me this reaction, I would've let you audition – fuck! – a while ago." Chandler could barely process a whole sentence with the way Joey's free hand that wasn't binding his wrists was roaming under his t-shirt and the way his knee was offering delicious friction on his already throbbing erection.

Joey trailed his lips down to where Chandler's neck connected with his shoulder and, without hesitation, bit down, causing Chandler to cry out in the most obscene manner that had Joey moaning against the bite mark as he worried it with his tongue. "Jesus, Joe. You some kind of vampire?"

Joey breathed a laugh. "I'm much more than that, Chandler."

The brunet pressed his lips firmly against the Italian's before saying, "Then show me."

Joey grabbed Chandler by the hand and pulled him into the man's bedroom. The Italian pushed Chandler down onto the bed where he climbed on top of him and continued his exploration of his boyfriend's lean body. He pulled at the shirt Chandler was wearing until he got it off of him, careful of the bandages covering the man's stitches in his hand when the sleeve brushed against it.

Joey took a moment to admire the man beneath him. His skin was flushed and his bruised lips were parted ever so slightly. When he found Joey staring at him, his cheeks tinted to a deep red.

As Joey kissed him softly and poured his soul into it, he decided on a goal. Tonight, he was going to make this man come undone. He was going to make Chandler forget about everything but themselves, here and now. The larger man traveled tender kisses down the man's torso, making him squirm and bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out. When the man above him latched on to a nipple, Chandler moaned loudly, then blushed furiously before trying to reign in his cries of pleasure, small whimpers escaping while Joey did things with his tongue with the precision of an expert. In an encouraging manner, Joey said, "Don't hold back, babe. I want to hear you."

Joey took off his shirt and tossed it somewhere in the room before working on undoing Chandler's jeans. He had just pulled them off and tossed them when he heard the tell-tale noise of someone knocking on their front door. Joey growled low. "Are you fuckin' _kidding_ me?"

Chandler chuckled at Joey's anger. "I can go answer it?"

"No," Joey said. "Leave them. They'll go away if we don't answer."

Chandler nodded and they went back to their activities. Joey was about to take his own jeans off when another knock resounded through the apartment.

By now, Chandler was laughing outright as he watched Joey leave the room on a mission to murder the person at the front door. Chandler got up and went to make sure that didn't happen, but not before grabbing the nearest shirt and pulling it over his head.

 _Though,_ he thought with a chuckle. _The headlines of that article would be hilarious. 'Man Murders Someone Knocking at Front Door Because They Interrupted Sex with His Boyfriend.'_

When Joey opened the door, however, Chandler thought that maybe his headline might actually come true.

"Ross, get the hell out of my doorway or I swear to God that you won't live to see tomorrow," Joey threatened.

"Joey, just hear me out." Ross begged.

"I don't want to hear you out. Get the fuck out of my doorway." He said through gritted teeth.

Chandler decided to intervene. "Hey, Joe. Come on. Hear him out."

Joey stared back at Chandler like he had just grown two more heads. "You're siding with him?"

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I am." Then, he leaned close to Joey and whispered so that only he could hear him. "Besides, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can go back to bed, hmm?" The man waggled his eyebrows at the Italian, who nodded in understanding.

Joey invited Ross into the apartment, but he still didn't allow him anywhere near Chandler, which the man respected. "Look, Joey. I'm really sorry. My actions were uncalled for."

Ross then explained to Joey what he explained to Chandler earlier in the day. For once, Joey was being reasonable and was listening to Ross explain himself. He even apologized for breaking the man's nose. "I deserved it," Ross said simply. "I told Chandler earlier that if someone hurt Rachel, I think I would go crazy."

Joey nodded, then realized, "Wait, you spoke to Chandler earlier?"

Chandler smiled innocently. "He apologized. Nothing happened. If you don't believe me, ask Monica. She was there."

Joey nodded before turning back to Ross. "Listen, man. I'm sorry for breaking your nose, but I can't honestly forgive you for hitting Chandler. That's up to him. If he decides to forgive you then I'll let it go; I'm not one to hold grudges. But if he forgives you and you pull that shit again, I'll never let it slide again, you got me?"

Ross swallowed heavily in a way that made Chandler feel bad for him. It was so weird for Chandler to see Joey so angry and serious with another individual, especially someone he considered his friend. "Yeah, Joey. I understand."

He clapped him on the shoulder. "Good. Now please. I really need you to leave. I have some... unfinished business to take care of with Chandler."

Ross – God bless him – had a look of confusion on his face before turning to Chandler. "What's he talking about?" He studied his friend for a moment before asking, "Chandler, isn't that Joey's shirt?"

Chandler looked down at himself before blushing at the realization that yes, this was Joey's shirt. Chandler watched as a slow realization of both of his friends' state of undress. Chandler was in Joey's shirt and his boxers while Joey was simply wearing a pair of jeans. Ross stood up abruptly and swiftly walked to the door, his face bright red and mumbling, "I'll see you guys later," before walking out.

"I swear to God, if one more Geller comes through that door and interrupts the master at work again, I'm going to scream," Joey grumbled.

Chandler was trying not to laugh, but he couldn't help it. "There should be a thing for this. We'll call it 'pulling a Geller.' Do you think it runs in the family? Do you think Ben will interrupt his friends' sex lives when he's older? Maybe Monica's children will have it. What side of the family does it run on?"

"I don't know," Joey said pensively. "Maybe when their parents had them, their genes joined to create the 'pulling a Geller' gene. It could just be Monica and Ross' thing." Joey then laughed at his and Chandler's analytics before grabbing his wrist and pulling him up and into his arms, Chandler following willingly. "So, I think I'm going to continue where I left off. What do you think?"

Chandler smirked, though his reddened cheeks gave way to his shyness. "I don't know, Joey. Maybe the moment's gone?"

"Then let's go chase it."

Joey and Chandler returned to Chandler's room, the smaller man falling on his back with a laugh as Joey climbed on top of him, mumbling, "I already took this shirt off once. I better not have to do it again."

"If we have to get up again, will it make you feel better if I grab my shirt? That way you won't have to take off this one again. It's around here somewhere."

Joey growled low. "No. You look good in my clothes. Though, I bet you'll look even better with nothing on at all."

Chandler was going to make a comment about cheesiness, but the comment turned into a groan when Joey wasted no time in dragging his teeth over his already sensitive nipples. Chandler dug his blunt nails into Joey's shoulder which only cheered the man on further. "Joe..." Chandler groaned out slowly.

Joey's mouth travelled down further until his face was hovering just over the tent in Chandler's boxers. He sat up for a moment and wrapped his fingers around the elastic of Chandler's boxers before removing them completely.

He couldn't even stop himself from gazing at the man beneath him. He was skinny, but since he had been eating regularly, he had put on a healthy amount of weight. His eyes travelled further down to his erection jutting out proudly between his legs. Chandler was smaller than Joey, but he was still above average. _If girls knew what Chandler was packing, they wouldn't be so quick to judge him. That must be why Janice always came back._

Joey shook his thoughts of Chandler being with other women, knowing that the man before him was his. "You're so beautiful, Chandler," Joey said. He didn't even give Chandler a chance to say anything before he was wrapping a calloused hand around his cock and giving a slow stroke.

"Joey!" Chandler moaned. "Joey, oh God."

Chandler gripped the sheets on either side of him as his hips thrust into Joey's moving hand. With the other hand, Joey started to unbutton his own jeans, trying to relieve the tightness. He released Chandler's dick, causing him to whimper slightly while Joey completely removed his pants, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Huh," Chandler breathed. "It's true. You really don't wear underwear."

Joey settled his naked form over Chandler's. "I don't see you complaining."

Chandler wanted to say that no, he wasn't complaining, but he went silent when Joey pressed his lips over his, their erections brushing against each other in their movements.

"Have you ever been with a man before, Chandler?" Joey asked, his voice taking on a husky tone.

Chandler shook his head, his flushed form shivering when Joey gripped both of their erections together in a large palm and began to stroke. "Joey, Joey please," Chandler begged, though he wasn't quite sure why.

Joey delved his tongue into Chandler's mouth when he gasped at a particularly rough grip to his dick, making sure the man knew how he felt through the kiss. He was going to be the first man Chandler had been with. This turned him on like nothing else. The hopeful thought that he wanted to be the only man that ever touched Chandler like this again drove him to another passionate, possessive kiss. He used one hand to dig through Chandler's bedside table, praying that Chandler was as predictable as he was, when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the bottle of lube before pulling away from Chandler to slick his fingers. "Is this okay?" Joey asked, not wanting to do something Chandler didn't want to do.

The smaller man answered by spreading his legs and saying, "I wouldn't be naked with you in bed if it wasn't, Joey."

Joey nodded, then pressed a finger inside of Chandler. Chandler gasped at the cold intrusion, but forced himself to still and get used to the intrusion. When Joey deemed Chandler used to the first finger, he added a second, then a third.

It was amazing to see the expressions cross across Chandler's face. Whenever he inserted a finger, his eyes would close tightly and he felt the man resist, but he would force himself to relax. That would be when Joey would move his fingers in an alternating motion of thrusting and scissoring, making Chandler whimper and moan. Then, when the man truly got used to the intrusion, his eyes would open and he'd stare right at Joey like he was the only person in the world that could hold him together.

When he inserted the third finger, Joey adjusted just slightly, brushing over that bundle of nerves, making Chandler downright scream out Joey's name. "Oh, fuck, _Joey!_ Do that again, fuck!"

Joey happily obliged, moving his fingers against his prostate until Chandler was quaking and his cock was leaking precum. Joey was so lost in Chandler's cries of pleasure that he was surprised when Chandler gripped his arm in a death vice, stopping him. At Joey's questioning gaze, Chandler said, "This is going to be over a lot sooner if you don't stop that."

Joey nodded, then pulled his fingers out of Chandler, causing him to whimper. He then lubed his cock, hissing at the cold before lining himself up at Chandler's entrance. "Are you ready?"

Chandler glared at Joey like he was crazy. Beyond the point of embarrassment and sexual frustration, Chandler said lowly, "If you don't put your dick inside me right now, I swear to God I will murder you."

Joey, not one to deny Chandler, smirked, then pressed the head of his cock inside of Chandler for the first time. "Fuck, Chandler," Joey gasped as he fully sheathed himself inside of his lover. "You're tight as fuck."

Joey had thoroughly prepped Chandler, but Joey was nowhere near small, so it still hurt. He breathed through it and forced himself to relax around Joey's cock, marveling that it had fit inside of him in the first place.

Joey stayed still, partly not wanting to hurt Chandler and partly because if he moved right now he might just come. He waited for Chandler to open his eyes and look at him before he began to move. Chandler's pupil-blown eyes staring at him with complete trust and love and the intimate connection between them had a warmth spreading through his heart.

Chandler wrapped his legs around Joey as he began to pick up the pace. To keep himself from hitting the headboard, Chandler gripped the bars of his bedframe tightly to offer a bit of resistance to Joey's hard thrusts. Chandler was crying out Joey's name in wild abandon when Joey gripped his hips tightly and changed the angle. Joey's name slowly became a slur of moans and swearing as he slammed into Chandler's prostate with each thrust.

Joey watched Chandler with fascination. The way the man could bend in this position gave a whole new meaning to the word 'flexibility.' He watched as his movements became less rhythmic as he reached his impending orgasm. Meanwhile, Chandler wanted to grip his cock to bring himself over the edge, but Joey beat him to it. Chandler was gripping the headboard with white fists, his back arching in an impossible way as he tried to take Joey impossibly deeper. He felt like he was being torn apart and Joey was the one ripping him to pieces and holding him together at the same time. He listened as Joey moaned his name as his pistoned his hips into Chandler and jerked him off to the same rhythm as his thrusts. He came with a final, loud cry of Joey's name when the man gave a particularly rough thrust into his prostate at the same time he moved his thumb over the head of his cock.

As Chandler contracted around him, Joey thrust in a few more times before he buried himself as far as he could inside of Chandler, reveling as those white flecks covered his vision from the hardest orgasm of his life. He groaned out Chandler's name as he filled him, then pressed his lips over Chandler's, drinking in the whimper that escaped the man when he pulled out.

Joey grabbed a tissue off the nightstand and cleaned off their stomachs from Chandler's cum before tossing it and pulling the man's head into the crook of his neck. Chandler wrapped his arms around Joey, pressing his tired body flush against Joey's own. Joey pressed a kiss to Chandler's sweaty forehead before pulling the covers over their naked bodies and closing his eyes. There were no words needed. At this moment, all they needed to know was the person lying right next to them.

Chandler fell asleep first, giving Joey a fleeting moment to watch him sleep before he succumbed to his exhaustion. He knew Chandler couldn't hear him, but he couldn't help but whisper sweet words against Chandler's ear.

And if a few whispers of 'I love you' escaped his lips, well, Chandler wasn't able to hear him anyways.


	6. Chapter 6

Joey woke in the middle of the night, a foreign weight lying on top of him. He looked down and smiled sleepily at Chandler's sleeping form. He really, really didn't want to have to do this, but he really had to go to the bathroom, so he regrettably but gently moved Chandler off of him, knowing he would wake the man.

"Joe?" Chandler called tiredly.

"Go back to sleep, babe. I'm just going to the bathroom."

Chandler just nodded and collapsed back on the bed, promptly falling back asleep. Joey chuckled but went to take care of his business.

Once he was done, he walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. As he sipped his water, he stood there in the kitchen, his thoughts ultimately turning towards the man sleeping in the other room.

He finally admitted it to himself. He loved Chandler. At first, that thought scared him. In his selfishness, he was too terrified to admit to himself that he loved someone like Chandler. The man's crippling depression made him wonder every day if there would come a day where he wouldn't have the man in his arms. They'd only been together for two months, but Joey knew without a doubt that he was in love with Chandler and that losing him would kill him.

Joey wasn't sure what to do with this. He was never the one to get into a long-term relationship. He was honestly terrified that he would screw it up. Chandler was the best thing that had ever happened to him and if he somehow managed to screw it up, he could only pray that Chandler would forgive him.

Coming back to himself, Joey chuckled at the absurdity of his situation. He was mentally declaring his love for Chandler while standing naked in their kitchen.

Joey set his glass down and walked into his bedroom to change, deciding to go for a walk. He headed out the door, but not before making a stop into Chandler's room to sit next to Chandler's sleeping form. He was lying on his stomach, using his arms as a makeshift pillow. He ran his hand gently through Chandler's hair, who groaned appreciatively in his sleep. He leaned down and placed a light kiss to his cheek, then whispered, "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back soon. I love you."

He thought he heard Chandler mumble, "Love you, too," but he figured it was just wishful thinking.

Once outside, he decided to enjoy the night. It was chilly, so he was cold, but it was nice to go outside and just be. He walked through the streets of New York, somehow finding himself walking into some random shop. He looked around, noticing that it was a flower shop. _Why a flower shop of all places?_ He wondered briefly before shrugging and just going with it. He also wondered why a flower shop was open at this time of night, but then he remembered he was supposed to just go with it and promptly forgot the thought.

He looked around for a while, not sure why he was looking or what he was looking for. A voice from behind him made him jump. "You lookin' for something special?"

It was an older gentleman, probably in his late forties. Joey studied this man for a moment, wondering why he looked so familiar. "Do I know you?" Joey asked. Then he shook his head. "Sorry, that came out really rude. I didn't mean it like that. You just look really familiar."

The man chuckled. "I've seen you around the psychiatry office."

Joey nodded in realization. "I knew I'd seen you before!"

The man nodded in return. "Are you looking for something for that man you come in with?"

Joey blushed. "I'm not sure. I honestly don't know how I even got here. I just started walking and ended up here."

He smiled. "That's okay. You can look around for as long as you want... uh..."

"Joey. My name's Joey Tribbiani."

Joey held out his hand and the man shook it appreciatively. "I'm Xavier Curitan."

Joey blinked. "Are you related to Dr. Curitan?"

Xavier smiled. "In a way. Tyler Curitan is my husband."

Joey suddenly remembered Chandler telling him that his therapist was gay. "Oh! Wow! Holy crap. Small world, huh?"

"No kidding."

Joey walked around the store with the man, not wanting to just stand there the whole time. "So, is there a reason you guys didn't do the whole "hyphenating the name" thing?"

Xavier nodded. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, considering that your boyfriend is a client of Tyler's, but he did not come from good people. He took my name, saying he wanted to start fresh with someone he loved. Please don't tell your friend. I do not want him to think differently of my husband."

Joey shook his head. "Chandler wouldn't think differently of him. In fact, it might make Chandler relate to him more. He didn't come from good people either," Joey grumbled, thinking of his boyfriend's neglectful mother and absent father.

"Oh?" Xavier said. "I'm really sorry about that. If this Chandler is anything like my Tyler, I'm pretty sure it hit him hard, hmm?"

Joey nodded. "Chandler's home life was never very good and he didn't deserve the life he had. He's too good of a person. He doesn't talk much about his childhood, but from what I can tell, when his father left he spent a lot of his childhood and teenaged years taking care of his mother. He never had time to think about himself. Even now, he's always thinking of other people. As bad as this is, I wish he would be a little selfish sometimes. Then maybe he might take care of himself better."

Xavier laughed. "Sounds like Tyler."

Suddenly, Joey stopped. He saw a flower. It was a simple black rose with a small white dot on one of the petals. Joey thought it was a beautiful flower, but it was mixed in with other flowers like a cheap shirt in a discount bin at a thrift store. "What's wrong with this flower?"

Xavier smiled and pulled the rose out to inspect it. "It was supposed to be a plain black rose, but it has a white spot on it. Something in its genetic code made it come out awkwardly."

Joey smiled from ear to ear, immediately thinking of Chandler. Like the flower, Chandler was beautiful, even if he was constructed of awkward 'genetics.' "How much is it?"

Xavier smiled a knowing smile. "This one's on the house."

Joey eyes widened in appreciation. "Th-Thank you so much!"

The man nodded. "It's no problem."

Xavier and Joey went over to the counter so the florist could get something that Joey could carry the flower in. "I really hope you and Chandler work out. I've seen the way you both are around each other. You both love each other very much. I can tell that much."

Joey smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem," he said, then, "I don't mean to jump the gun here, but if you ever decide that you want to take the next step, I know a ring salesman who isn't judgmental. Come back and see me if you need the reference."

Joey blushed but nodded. He hadn't really thought of marrying Chandler, but, thinking about it now, he decided that the idea didn't scare him. In fact, it filled him with exhilaration. "I'll do that. Thank you for your help, Mr. Curitan."

"Please, call me Xavier."

Joey nodded. "Have a good night," he waved.

"You, too, Joey."

By the time Joey got back to the apartment, the sun was beginning to rise. He had this rose, but no explanation to go with it. He decided to write a letter, hoping he got his point across.

After he had written twenty letters, ripped them up, and tossed them, the twenty-first letter decided to be somewhat decent, so he went with it, folded it, then placed it on the table he set up in the middle of the living room. He could picture Chandler waking up, finding this, then laughing at him for his absurd cheesiness, but then he would see the appreciative light in his eyes and in the upturn of his lips and the teasing would be worth it. Chandler teased everyone, but he really loved it when people made small gestures like this. Teasing people was just in his genes.

After approving his set up, he snuck back into Chandler's room – finding that the man was sound asleep – changed out of his clothes, and crawled back into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around him before finally falling asleep to the sound of Chandler's light snores.

Chandler woke up the next morning on top of Joey's chest. He sat up slowly, careful not to wake Joey, wincing at the slight pain that ran through his ass. He had to give it to those women; Joey was fucking amazing in bed. To think that he somehow managed to get Joey to himself was beyond him, but Dr. Curitan as well as Joey had drilled it into him that Joey wanted him and only him, so Chandler accepted it.

He stood up and grabbed his boxers, slipping them on with minimal struggle. He was stretching inside the living room when he abruptly stopped, seeing that something was different.

It was so simple, yet so heart-crushingly wonderful that Chandler wasn't sure what to do or feel. The barcaloungers had been moved to the side of the room and the only thing in the center of the apartment was a table with a black rose with a small white dot on one of the petals and a folded note that read: _Chandler._

Chandler picked up the note and the rose, beginning to read the note as he twirled the flower between his thumb and forefinger.

 _Chandler,_

 _I couldn't sleep, so I went out for a while. I saw this flower and it made me think of you. Roses are supposed to show passion._

 _You are the definition of passion, Chandler. You never go at anything halfway. If you feel something, you put your heart into it. When you're sad, you're miserable. When you're angry, you're fuming. When you're happy, you're practically on cloud nine. This might be selfish of me, but if you were half as passionate about me as you were anything else, I would be the happiest man on Earth._

 _I chose this rose because of something the florist said. This flower was in a flower-version of a discount bin. I thought the flower was beautiful, but the florist told me that it was supposed to be a plain, black rose, but that something in its genetic code made it come out awkward. I guess it just made me think of you. You are so beautiful, Chandler, just like the rose. When I saw the black petals, I thought of how you've been feeling lately. I thought of all the darkness floating around inside your head, making you think things that aren't true. When I saw the white dot, I just felt hopeful. I hope that one day you'll find the light inside your darkness. When you do eventually find your light, hold on to it and never let go._

 _Joey_

Chandler smiled. _When did Joey get so poetic?_ He wondered. It wasn't anything extravagant or expensive, but it was so perfect and just so _Joey_ that, out of all the gifts he had ever received, nothing – absolutely nothing – could top this wonderful gift.

Suddenly, he felt tears start to form. Ever since the suicide attempt, he had not cried about it. He didn't feel the need to, as it was just a means to an end for him. Meanwhile, Joey was so perfect, so wonderful. He was everything Chandler could ever ask for and so much more. He treated Chandler like he was the light of his life and what was Chandler doing? He was treating Joey like he was nothing.

The tears kept coming and he fell to the floor. Chandler realized what he was doing to Joey and it was anything but good. If Joey cared for him – God forbid if he actually fell in love with him – Chandler was killing him little by little with his actions and words. If his situation was reversed and it was Joey in this situation... He couldn't even think of his own response because he couldn't even imagine the emotional pain he would go through. And to think that he was doing this to Joey!

His sobs wracked his body so hard that he didn't even hear Joey coming up behind him. Joey fell to the floor along with him, turning Chandler around and pulling him into his arms. Chandler couldn't hold it together. He could only grip Joey tight as he sobbed.

Through his sobs, Chandler cried, "I'm so sorry, Joey. I... I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to get better. I'm going to get better."

Chandler could feel Joey's shoulders shaking. He was crying as well. "I know, babe." He whispered through a shaky voice as he peppered his face with kisses. "I know."

They sat there for a long time in the middle of the living room floor. Even when they had both stopped crying, they just sat there, holding each other. When their legs started to lose feeling, they pulled away from each other to stare into the red-rimmed eyes of the other.

"You okay?" Joey asked him tentatively.

"Are you?" Chandler returned.

Joey nodded. "Yeah, babe. I'm good."

The brunet leaned in to kiss his lover. "Then I'm good, too."

It was silent for some time before Joey said, "I met your therapist's husband. Did you know he was a florist?"

Chandler blinked, remembering flowers in Dr. Curitan's office. "No, I didn't."

Silence spread for a few more moments before laughter broke out between them. They weren't sure why they were laughing; they just knew that they were just so immensely happy to have each other.

Later that day, Chandler and Joey were back in the psychiatry office to meet with Dr. Stephens. They came significantly earlier, however, because they had some news to share with their favorite receptionist. "Hey, Jessica," Chandler greeted with a smile.

Jessica's eyes widened upon seeing Chandler. She practically launched herself at the man before wrapping her arms around him. "Chandler, oh my God. Did you hear about Dr. Ottinger? He was arrested! I knew from your file that you were seeing him. I didn't know if what they're all saying is true – you know, the malpractice – but I just couldn't stop thinking about you."

Chandler returned the hug before saying, "That's what we're here for. We have to tell you something, so come with us. Don't worry. We called and got you an early lunch break."

Jessica blinked, but followed Joey and Chandler down to Central Perk where they sat in a secluded corner of the coffee shop to discuss what happened with Dr. Ottinger.

"Listen, Jessica. What they're saying about Dr. Ottinger is true; he is being fired for malpractice, but he's also going to be doing jail time for murder and attempted murder." Joey explained, getting to the point.

Jessica wore a shocked expression. "You're kidding. How do you know this?"

"We're the ones who made the initial complaint," Chandler began. "He was giving me Zoloft, which was causing me to have hallucinations. I ended up shattering a mirror – hence the bandages on my hand – and attempting to kill Joey, thinking he was my hallucination." He looked away at the last part.

Jessica nodded slowly, taking everyone in. "I'm so sorry that happened."

Chandler smiled sadly. "We're the ones who are sorry, Jessica. The cops want you to testify along with us to put him away." He sighed heavily, hoping to get this out in the least rude way possible. "They have reason to believe that Dr. Ottinger did the same thing... to your sister."

Jessica's breath caught in her throat. "He... he killed her?"

Chandler nodded. "In a sense, yes."

Trying to reign in her emotions, she asked, "Why?"

"The same reason he tried to kill me. He said that being gay was wrong and that we needed to be cleansed. He gave both me and your sister Zoloft, knowing it would cause hallucinations like the ones I had.

"Listen, Jessica. Your sister was never a killer. She didn't kill her girlfriend in cold blood. I know it doesn't bring her back, but just know that your sister was a good person."

She nodded through the tears that were falling down her face. "Thank you," she said in a voice that was barely a whisper. "I... I had so many questions. I never knew why she did it. I never knew why she killed Violet, too." Joey moved closer to her in the booth before wrapping his arm around her, letting her cry.

"I'm sorry, Jessica. I'm so sorry this happened," Joey comforted. "If you ever need anything, let us know, okay?"

Jessica nodded into his shoulder before letting out the rest of her sobs. Chandler moved to the other side of the table and sat on the opposite side of Jessica, taking her hand in silent support.

They all ignored the stares they were getting from inside the coffee shop. Right now, Jessica needed their comfort, so they would let them all stare.

Eventually, Jessica pulled away. Chandler handed her a napkin, which she took appreciatively to blow her nose. "Thank you, guys," she said. "I never thought I'd make such good friends at this job, but life is strange like that, I guess."

Chandler nodded. "Yeah."

"I'm going to testify with you guys. I can't let Dr. Ottinger get away with killing my sister."

Chandler pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to Jessica. "This is the number you have to call. The cops will come and talk to you about what you need to do."

She nodded. "Thank you."

Joey was watching the time carefully. They needed to get back soon so Chandler could get to his appointment on time. "Hey guys. Sorry to cut it short like this, but we have to get back. Your lunch break is almost over and Chandler has an appointment with Dr. Stephens."

On that note, they all returned to the Office of Psychiatry. They went up to the second floor, but not before giving a heartfelt goodbye to Jessica.

"You two are like the older brothers I never had." She said

"Hey!" Joey said. "I'm not that old!"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "She didn't say you were old, but now that you mention it, yes. We are probably older than her. You're not old, but you're the oldest one here."  
"Hey!"

"What? You're older than me."

"Yeah, by, like, a year."

"Well, she's at least five years younger than us."

Chandler waved to Jessica before entering the elevator and continuing his bickering with his boyfriend. Jessica just merely smiled at his retreating form before returning to her work.

"Joey, calm down. You're thirty-one. That's nowhere near old." Chandler explained in the elevator. "Please don't go through a midlife crisis in a psychiatry office. The psychiatrists will have a heyday with that one," he chuckled at his joke.

"Oh, ha. Very funny."

Chandler kissed Joey on the cheek. "You love me, so shush."

Joey was silent because he honestly couldn't argue with that logic.

Once Chandler was called back to the room, he was surprised to hear that Joey was allowed to come with him. "I forgot that we could to this together now," he explained at Joey's raised eyebrow.

In the office, Joey and Chandler shook hands with Dr. Stephens. She was a short woman who looked like one of those high school art teachers that everyone got along with. While Chandler was ready to begin the session, Joey seemed intent on something else entirely.

"So, Dr. Stephens," Joey began. "How do I know you're not going to end up doing to Chandler what Dr. Ottinger did?"

"Joey!" Chandler chastised. "That's so rude!"

Dr. Stephens smiled reassuringly. "It's okay, Mr. Bing. Mr. Tribbiani is just watching out for you. I think it's rather sweet."

Chandler blushed, but stayed quiet and let her continue.

"I promise you Mr. Tribbiani. Dr. Ottinger may have been a colleague of mine, but I can assure you that I am nothing like him. What he did – and pardon me for such an outburst – was downright shameful and just completely insane. A man like that should not be allowed to walk the streets again. I hope he is put away for life, at the very least."

Joey could see the barely restrained anger in the small woman's eyes. She was honestly not okay with Dr. Ottinger's malpractice. He decided that he would allow this woman to treat Chandler, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to be wary of any medicine she prescribed.

Chandler answered all the questions she had for him before deciding on prescribing him something called Abilify.

"Make sure you take this before bed, as it will make you extremely tired," she instructed.

Chandler nodded. "I will. Thank you."

The next day, Chandler had his first joined session with Dr. Curitan and Joey. He was kind of nervous; he didn't know how Joey would react to the kinds of things they talked about. He tried to hide all of his insecurities from Joey, but, in this case, he would be forced to reveal them to the Italian man. He always told Joey what they talked about in therapy; he didn't want to hide anything from his boyfriend. However, he usually was able to figure out his thoughts alone with Dr. Curitan first. Here, his insecurities would come through as if he were turning in a rough draft of a large paper as a final copy.

Joey had repeatedly asked him if he still wanted him there with him, but Chandler was adamant on this. He wanted Joey to be there with him every step of the way. He would sacrifice his "final draft" if it meant that it would help him and Joey come closer.

Joey shook hands with Dr. Curitan before they began the questions. Surprising to Chandler, the doctor began to question Joey. "Hello, Mr. Tribbiani. I'd like to get to know you a little from your point of view before we begin. Honestly, though, I feel like I know you already. Chandler speaks very highly of you." He smiled and Chandler blushed.

Joey smirked. "With as much as he teases me, I would have thought something completely different."

Dr. Curitan chuckled. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm an actor."

"He likes to think so," Chandler joked.

Joey glared at him before turning to the doctor. "This. This is what I deal with all the time."

Chandler poked him in the side, making Joey jump. "You love it."

Dr. Curitan watched them bicker back and forth with honest fascination. They were honestly so cute together. "So, Joey. Have you received any good parts, lately?"

Chandler got a pouty look. "He won't tell you."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"He refuses to tell anyone anything about his parts he may or may not have gotten recently. He used to tell me all the time, but now he won't!"

"It's a surprise," Joey explained. "I don't wanna jinx it!"

"When have you ever been superstitious?"

"Hello? Have you met me? Catholic, remember? It's in our genes to be superstitious."

Chandler waved his hand flippantly. "Whatever."

"So you're Catholic?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah. Chandler teases me about it all the time."

"Oh? Why is that, Chandler?"  
Chandler wore a look like he was trying to say, 'are you kidding me?' "He's in a relationship with me – a man – and he's religious? Isn't that like telling yourself that, when you die, you are definitely going to Hell?"

Joey shook his head. "I don't think so."

"But doesn't the Bible say that?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah, but it also says you can't wear clothing of multiple fabrics and that you can't eat shellfish. Do you really think Rachel is gonna go to Hell for eating shrimp?"

Chandler chuckled. "No. I guess not."

"The Bible was written by men. Men aren't perfect. Only God can fit that description. Yes, I read the Bible, but I don't follow it word for word. I believe in interpretation. Men back then thought homosexuals were gross, so I think they wrote homosexuals to be 'sinful' as more of a representation that no unclean thing can enter the kingdom of God. It was just the time in which people lived."

Chandler nodded. "I never... I never thought about it like that."

Joey smiled. "Most people don't. It's okay."

"So, Chandler, do you have a problem with Joey believing in God?" Dr. Curitan asked.

Chandler shook his head fervently. "No! Of course not! Joey can believe in anything he wants to so long as he's happy. I'll support him no matter what. Besides," he looked thoughtful. "I can't say that I don't believe in God. I think I more or less refuse to accept that He exists."

"Wow," Joey smirked. "At this rate he'll be coming with me to church during the holidays."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Sure."

The time went by rather quickly after that. After the session, Joey brought up his meeting with Dr. Curitan's husband. "He's a totally cool guy!" Joey said.

Dr. Curitan nodded. "Yes, he sure is."

"How did you guys meet?"

"Joey!" Chandler yelled. "Isn't there something against doctors sharing personal information with their clients?"

At Chandler's statement, Dr. Curitan's expression changed. It grew sad. "Listen, Joey, Chandler. I'm really sorry to have to break the news to you both at the end of the session, but I have been removed as Chandler's therapist. I didn't want to say anything at the beginning for fear it would change the way the session went."

Chandler's eyes widened. "What? Why? Was it something I did?"

Dr. Curitan smiled. "No, it wasn't anything you did. I'm afraid it was my doing. I have become too... personally invested in your treatment."

Chandler glared. "If you're not my therapist anymore, don't talk to me like that. Tell me in normal talk."

Dr. Curitan chuckled. "I consider you a friend, not a patient, so I can't treat you due to personal involvement." His expression then darkened. "Dr. Ottinger is a monumental asshole. What he did to you made me realize just how invested I am in your well-being."

Chandler patted him on the back. "It's okay. Everyone loves me. I get it all the time."

"He's lying," Joey said, smirking. "He means me."

"Hey! People love me!"

Joey nodded, his playful smirk changing to more of a soft smile. "Yeah, they do."

Chandler blushed, but turned to the doctor. "Well, I'm still really sorry, Dr. Curitan."

"Please," he said. "I'm not your doctor anymore. You can call me Tyler."  
Chandler nodded. "Tyler fits you so much better. Dr. Curitan makes you sound old."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Are you getting at something, Chandler?"

Chandler smirked, briefly wondering how they could possibly have fallen so easily from doctor-patient to friend-friend. "I don't know, old man. Am I?"

The three walked out of the office to see Xavier standing there waiting for his husband. "Hey, Joey!" The man said.

"Hey, Xavier. It's good to see you."

He nodded appreciatively. "So," he started. "Did the flower go over well?"

Chandler blushed, telling Xavier that, yes, it did go over well.

"Oh! Hey, Xavier," Joey started. "Remember what we talked about before I left?"

The older man smiled a knowing smile. "Yeah, I do. Do you want the number now?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah. That'd be great."

Xavier stole a pen from Tyler's pocket – earning him a glare from his husband – before writing down on an old receipt a number and a name. "Ask for that guy and he'll get you what you need. Good luck," he smiled.

"Thanks!"

Meanwhile, Chandler and Tyler were watching the scene with heavy suspicion. "What is going on here?" Chandler whispered.

"I'm not sure," Tyler replied.

Then, out of the blue, Chandler blurted, "Joey, are you doing drugs?" He turned to Xavier. "Did you just deal my boyfriend drugs?"

Xavier and Joey laughed. "Nah," Joey said. "It's a surprise."

Chandler glared. "Again with the surprises! You see this, Tyler? First he's secretive about his acting and now he's getting numbers from people. Are you a double agent, Joey?"

Tyler laughed. "Good luck with that one, Joey."

Joey nodded. "Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm gonna need it for sure."

"Hey!"

Eventually, the four exchanged goodbyes before walking out of the building to find that there was a heavy snowstorm. "How did we miss this?" Chandler asked, wrapping his scarf closer around his neck.

Joey shrugged. "I don't know. Let's hurry. I don't want to get caught in this. I got a feeling that it's only going to get worse."  
Chandler nodded before getting into the passenger seat and letting Joey drive home. When they parked, Chandler couldn't help it. He picked up some snow and threw it at Joey, who yelped in surprise. Chandler laughed outright.

"You dick!" Joey said. "Oh, it's on!" He challenged with a smirk.

Chandler's eyes widened when Joey picked up more snow. It wasn't very packable, so he had to get pretty close to Chandler to make sure it hit him.

They ran around outside of their apartment all the way to the park down the street, not caring that people were staring at them like they were being childish – because they were – but they were enjoying themselves so it didn't matter. Eventually Chandler tripped on the grass covered by the thick layer of snow, causing Joey – who was hot on his heels – to trip over his fallen form. They were dazed for a moment before they both started laughing. They were still laughing even as Joey climbed on top of Chandler to place a sweet, loving kiss onto the man's lips.

They were staring into each other's eyes for a long moment. Right now, Chandler looked happier than he had been in a very long time. Right now, Joey couldn't reign in his emotions. Chandler just looked so... so perfect. He wondered briefly if he should say anything, but he thought, _to Hell with it,_ and said, "I love you, Chandler."

Chandler's expression went through a series of emotions before settling on a genuine, ear-to-ear smile that could light up the world. He should be running. He should be panicking, and he would be if it were anyone else, but even though hearing those words come from Joey scared him as much as it exhilarated him, he couldn't deny his feelings either, so why should he lie to Joey? He wasn't very good at commitment – he always ended up running – but Joey was the exception. Joey would always be the exception. "I love you, too, Joey."

Joey returned the smile with an equally happy one of his own before placing his lips over Chandler's, said man's arms coming to wrap around his neck.

Chandler thought about the note Joey had given him along with the rose as the man kissed him for all he was worth. Joey said that he wanted him to find his light and hold onto it as if he didn't know what Chandler's light was. Staring into Joey's eyes, seeing the emotion swarming in them, made Chandler wonder if Joey was really that dense.

Chandler pulled his light down for another kiss, emotion overwhelming him to the point he almost couldn't breathe.

 _I'll love you forever, Joey. I'll love you until you don't want me anymore. Even then, I'll always love you because you are the light of my life._


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Joey woke up to a groan coming from Chandler. He turned over only to see Chandler trying to sit up, only to fail because he was in some sort of pain. "Chandler?" Joey called, his voice raspy from lack of use. "Are you okay?"

Chandler glared at Joey through his struggles as if he was the reason for all of his troubles. "Oh, yeah. I'm just fine, Joey. Just remind me the next time you decide to have sex _five times in one night_ to never agree to that again!"

Joey smirked devilishly. "You weren't complaining last night. In fact, I specifically remember you encouraging me to 'keep going' and 'don't stop.'"

"Well, that was before I realized my ass can in fact be overexerted."

"We'll just have to work you out until you have more endurance. You see? I'm helping you here by pushing your limits."

"Says the man who gets regular sex by 'pushing my limits.'"

Joey chuckled and scooted closer to his pouting boyfriend and pulled him close, careful to not hurt him further. He kissed him on the forehead before saying, "I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll go get a bath running, okay? The hot water will help."

Chandler nodded before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on Joey's lips. "Thank you."

Joey smiled and stood, pulling on a pair of shorts while ignoring Chandler blatantly ogling at him, then ran some water into the tub in the bathroom. He helped Chandler get into the tub even though the man complained the whole time. "I can do it myself!" He mumbled petulantly, but Joey still helped him because he was a good boyfriend. Plus, he did feel kind of guilty for being the reason Chandler was so sore.

While Chandler was in the tub, he walked over to the girls' apartment to ask them a question that had been on his mind since the therapy appointment. He, of course, changed into a more appropriate outfit than a pair of shorts and no underwear before heading over there.

"Hey, Joey," Rachel greeted. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you and Monica for a moment?"

Rachel nodded, looking worried. "Phoebe is here, too. Do you want to talk to her as well?"

Joey nodded. This was perfect. He could ask them all at once. "Yeah. That'll actually work out great for me."

They all walked over to Monica's table and sat down, each one staring at Joey worriedly. "What's going on, Joe? Is everything okay?" Monica asked.

Joey nodded. "Yeah, everything's great. I just... I wanted to ask you girls something, since it's only right, and I would really like your opinion."

"Well, spit it out, Joey! It must be something good if you're this nervous."

"Hey! I'm not nervous!" Joey defended. At the girls' expression, Joey sighed. "Okay, maybe I am. But this is a huge deal. I don't want to screw this up." Joey ran a hand through his hair. _Time to face the music._ "I want to ask Chandler to marry me."

Three gasps followed by three high-pitched squeals followed Joey's exclamation. "Oh my God!" Phoebe said. "This is... This is amazing!"

"I know!" Monica cried out excitedly.

"Do you know when you're gonna do it, Joe? Do you know how?"

Joey shook his head. "That's what one of the reasons I came over here. I wanted to see what you guys might like if it happened to you. I also... I also wanted to make sure you were okay with this."

Rachel hit Joey on the shoulder. "Of course we're okay with this! Don't think that anymore. I'm throwing that thought out the window."

Joey laughed. He should have known. "Yes, ma'am."

"What kinds of things does Chandler like? Is he the type who likes grand gestures?" Phoebe asked.

Joey thought about their first date at the cabaret and the rose then shook his head. "Chandler likes things that I put a lot of thought into. He loves anything that I get for him when he knows I really thought about him."

Three "awes" could be heard around the room. "Then there's your answer. You propose to him in a way that he would appreciate." Rachel explained. "So, did you get him a ring?"

Joey shook his head. "Not yet, but I've got an appointment with a guy. Don't you dare tell Chandler, okay? I better not get even an inkling that he's suspicious!"

The three nodded quickly. "We're not good a keeping secrets, but that's when we have no one to talk about it with! We have each other to talk about it. Oh God, this is so exciting!"

Joey smiled at his friends. "Thank you, guys. You've all been so supportive. I really appreciate it."

"Are you gonna tell Ross?" Rachel ventured.

Joey sighed. "Yeah, I guess I should, huh? As much as he pissed me off, he's still my friend as well as Chandler's."

Rachel smiled. "He'll be excited. I promise."

"What about your parents? Do either of you guys' parents know about you two?"

Joey blinked. "Uh..."

Phoebe clapped enthusiastically. "This is perfect! It's the holidays, Joey! You and Chandler can go spend time with your families and tell them about you two!"

Joey shrugged, not sure if that was a good idea considering Chandler's dislike of his parents and Joey's very Catholic parents. "Yeah, maybe." He got up and stretched, feeling relieved that the girls were so happy for him. "I think Chandler is getting out of the bathroom soon, so I gotta go. Can't miss the chance to see him naked!"

He laughed and ran when the girls cringed at the thought of their friend naked. Once in the apartment, he could hear the phone ringing. He went over to answer it. "Hello?"

"Joey? Is that you?" A familiar voice answered.

"Mom! Hey!"

"Hello, Joey. How are you?"

Joey smiled even though she couldn't see him. "I'm great. I'm getting ready to head out to the... to the store." He didn't mention that the store was a ring shop.

"Oh, okay. I won't keep you for long. How is your friend, Chandler?"

Joey's smile only grew. "He's wonderful, Mom."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone before his mother said something that Joey took as a sign from God. "How would you and Chandler feel about coming here for Christmas? Your father and I would love to see you."

Joey wondered if Phoebe was actually psychic before answering with, "Yeah, Mom. I'd have to talk to Chandler about it, but I'm sure he'd be okay with it."

"Okay, dear. Tell Chandler I said hello, okay?"

"I will. I love you."

"Love you, too."

After hanging up, Chandler was standing in the doorway with nothing but a towel on, staring at Joey with a raised brow. "I hope she's pretty," Chandler joked, knowing who was on the other line. Their phone speaker was rather loud.

Joey didn't hear the joking tone in Chandler's voice, however, and panicked. "No! Chandler, babe. No, that... That was my mother! I swear!"

Chandler laughed. "I know. I heard." At Joey's questioning gaze, he simply shrugged and said, "Loud phone, remember?"

Joey mouth the word 'oh,' then walked over to his boyfriend, placing a lazy kiss on his lips. "So, my parents want us to come see them over the holidays."

Chandler blinked. "Both of us?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah. Mom was asking about you. I think she likes you."

Chandler laughed, though Joey could hear the small amount of nervousness in him. "Do you... Do you want to tell them about us?"

Joey shrugged. "At first I didn't want to because, you know, they're Catholic, but then I realized who it was that told me all those things about being gay and the Bible. I know they'll be accepting. They'll see that I love you."

Chandler smiled softly. "Well, then, I guess we're gonna be going to the Tribbiani residence for Christmas."

Joey kissed him happily. "Thank you, Chandler. You're the best."

"And don't ever forget it."

When Christmas Eve rolled around, Chandler found himself sitting in the car with Joey driving to Joey's parents' house, scared out of his wits. He didn't say anything, but he was pretty sure Joey knew he was nervous. Usually, Joey would tell him to calm down, but Chandler knew that, judging by the way he gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, he was nervous as well.

They pulled up to the house, seeing several women – Joey's sisters – come out and greet Joey with hugs and kisses to the cheek. Chandler watched the sight with a grin. Joey turned to him as he was being practically dragged into the house by his siblings, returning the smile with a big one of his own. Thinking no one was watching him, he mouthed the words, 'I love you' to Chandler before turning around to greet his mother, Chandler following not far behind.

What he didn't know was that Joey's mother watched the whole scene, a knowing smile gracing her aged features.

"Hello, Chandler," she greeted. "It's so good to see you."

"Hello, Mrs. Tribbiani." He said, wrapping her in a hug.

"Now, now. Don't go calling me that. You're family here. Call me Mom. Or Gloria. Whichever you prefer."

Chandler smiled such a blinding smile that had Joey wanting to kiss him. "Hey, Mom," Joey called. "Where's Dad?"

"Right here, kid."

Joey turned to see his father coming down the stairs. "Dad! Hey!" He went over and hugged his father.

As the father and son chatted enthusiastically, Chandler gulped, his nervousness spiking. When Gloria noticed this, she leaned over to him and whispered, "The Tribbiani men are quite striking, aren't they?"

Chandler laughed. "Yeah, no kidding." Gloria watched as Chandler's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "I... I uhh..."

Gloria just smiled. "No need to explain yourself to me. I heard the way Joey talked about you over the phone and the way he looked at you out in the driveway. That alone was enough for me to know that you make him happy."

"You knew even before we got here?" Chandler asked.

"A mother knows a lot about her son, including when he's in love with someone."

Chandler blushed.

"So what made you decide to date my son?"

Chandler stared down at his feet, a shy smile on his face. "I've... I've been going through some things lately – it's kind of hard to talk about – but Joey is the one who has stuck by me every step of the way. He's carried me through everything." He looked up at Joey, who felt him staring and smiled at him. Chandler smiled back. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Without him, I wouldn't be here."

Gloria nodded. "You really love him, don't you?"

Chandler smiled in a way that made him look distant. "So much that sometimes it scares me."

They all eventually moved to the living room where they sat together and chatted about the various happenings in their lives. Chandler felt a little awkward at first, but eventually he opened up, laughing along with the rest of them.

At some point, Chandler and Joey exchanged a glance, silently resigning themselves to tell the family about their relationship. "Hey, Mom, Dad?"

"Yes, Joey? What's the matter?" Mr. Tribbiani asked.

"Chandler and I have something to tell you all," Joey said. "One of the reasons we came here was to, well, tell you all that we're..." He trailed off and looked away, nervousness overwhelming him for a moment. Chandler patted his knee supportively, making him look up. He couldn't look away from Chandler's completely open and trusting expression even as he said to his parents, "Chandler and I are together. We've been together for almost three months now."

The room was suddenly silent. Even his sisters waited patiently for their father's word. Joey turned to his father, ready to face whatever his father and mother had to say.

"Do you love him?" Mr. Tribbiani ventured.

Joey nodded. "More than I can explain sometimes."

His father turned to Chandler. "Do you love him?"

"I can't imagine my life without him." Chandler replied.

Mr. Tribbiani nodded before turning back to his son. "Don't screw it up, kid. That one's a keeper if he puts up with your bullshit."  
"Hey!" Joey protested.

Chandler chuckled, relief washing over him in one huge wave. "Nah, it's not that hard. I think we put up with each other."

"Don't lie, boy. He's a handful and I know you know that."

Chandler smirked when Joey turned to him. "Yeah, don't worry. I know."

"You're all conspiring against me! Stop that!"

One of Joey's sisters decided to ask Joey a question. "So, Joey. How'd you manage to get someone stupid enough to love you?" She teased. Joey glared.

"What she's trying to say is," one of the other sisters began after she elbowed the other girl in the side. "How did you guys get together? You've been roommates and best friends for a long time. What made you guys decide you wanted something more?"

Joey faced Chandler with a serious expression. "Something happened that made me realize I couldn't live another day without telling him how I feel."

"What happened? C'mon! Details!"

Joey glared at his sister. "That's not really my place to say."

Chandler patted Joey on the shoulder. "It's okay, Joe," he took a deep, shaky breath before speaking. Tyler had told him that talking to others about what happened will not only help him move on, but might help others as well. "I tried to commit suicide in early October. Joey was the one that found me on the floor, unconscious." The room was silent as Chandler continued. "He's been helping me get through all of this. He's taken me to the psychiatrist, the therapist, drove me to the pharmacy every time I need a refill on antidepressants. Joey has been there for me every step of the way. Without him, I don't think that I would be here right now.

"He's listened to me make crude jokes about killing myself, which I know tore him apart. Looking back, I guess I was trying to push him away, make him see me how I saw myself. I didn't believe I deserved to live, but Joey never once wavered from placing me on that high pedestal. He sees me in a light that I don't really understand and has given me a new appreciation of life."

"Do you still think you don't deserve to live?" Gloria asked hesitantly.

Chandler stared at Joey, eyes shining with hope and love. In that moment, he was conflicted. He didn't think he deserved to live, but did that equate to not wanting to live? Three months ago, he might have answered that question with a non-hesitated yes. Now, however, he wasn't entirely certain that deserving to live and wanting to live were the same thing. With a shaky voice and a gaze never breaking from Joey's, he replied with, "I'll have to get back to you on that."

Joey's heart skipped a beat, hope overflowing. He knew the significance of this. Chandler may not fully think he deserved to live, but his uncertainty just showed to Joey that he was trying to find a reason to make him think otherwise. Chandler was fighting.

There was silence for a while before Chandler turned away and said, "So, now that you know about my depressing life, what's going on with you all?"

The Tribbianis knew a change-the-subject tactic when they heard one, so they continued on, talking about everything under the sun and never once asked him anything else about his condition, which Chandler was immensely grateful for.

That night, Joey and Chandler were in the guest room – Joey's former room. Chandler was straddling Joey while he kissed him. As Joey deepened the kiss by delving his tongue passed Chandler's lips, his hands began to wander. He grabbed roughly at Chandler's ass, earning him a whimper which he captured between his lips.

Chandler suddenly pulled away from him, making Joey wonder if he did something wrong. "Chandler?"

"We are _so_ not doing this in your parents' house!"

Joey smirked before climbing on top of his boyfriend and pinning him to the mattress. "They never seemed to care in high school. Why would they care now, especially when I actually care about you?"

Chandler glared, but Joey could see his vigilance wavering. "I don't know, but it's... It's just not right! Would you have sex with me in my mother's house? Or my father's house?"

Joey shrugged. "I doubt your father would care, but I've never met him. Your mom might but, then again, I don't know her either."

"Let's keep it that way." Chandler muttered.

"Can we stop talking about parents and get back to me trying to convince you to have sex with me?"

"No, Joey! Absolutely not! We are not having sex here! That is final!"

Ten minutes later, Chandler and Joey were completely naked, Joey lying on the bed and Chandler about to set himself on Joey's cock. A couple of years ago, he might have never believed that he would allow himself to have sex with a man – let alone with Joey. A couple of years ago, he was so far in the closet that he wouldn't even allow jokes to be made about his sexuality. The old Chandler probably wouldn't even think about sex with a man and, even if he did humor the idea, he would probably picture himself on top. Right now, however, he would definitely admit to liking being on bottom. In fact, he preferred it. Yes, he'd topped a few times with Joey, but both of them admitted to themselves and to each other that they preferred the opposite position. For Chandler, there was just something about letting someone else take control that thrilled him. He assumed for Joey that it was the opposite. He was pretty sure the Italian liked to control the pace in bed.

And, hey, you can't blame a man for doing what he likes.

Joey gripped Chandler's hips in a tight grip as he felt himself engulfed by Chandler's tight heat. "Jesus, Chandler," he gasped. "We have sex all the time. How are you so fucking tight all the time?"

Chandler could only bite his bottom lip to keep from moaning loudly as he began to move his hips in a slow, steady rhythm. Joey loved it when they were in this position. He could watch Chandler's every expression, see the way his mouth parted to gasp for air, the way his eyes would close tightly before opening wide to reveal dilated pupils whenever he would move just right. He loved to feel the way Chandler's hips could move in ways that should be sinful, the way Chandler's hands would roam across his chest before gripping tightly at the sheets and, when Joey decided that Chandler had tortured him enough with his purposefully slow pace, he would thrust into him with abandon.

Chandler moved down so that he could kiss Joey with open mouthed kisses, his hips still moving. Eventually, Joey gripped Chandler's hips tightly so that he could thrust up into the man above him. Chandler pressed his head into the crook of Joey's neck, whimpers escaping him as he tried to hold back his cries of pleasure. Joey seized this opportunity to kiss and suck at Chandler's neck, said man groaning into his ear but still too embarrassed to give in entirely. He wasn't sure how the brunet managed to be cute during sex, but Chandler never ceased to amaze him. "Don't hold back on me now, babe," he gasped out.

Chandler sat up enough so that he could glare at Joey, silently asking him, 'are you stupid?'

Joey just took that as a challenge. He pushed Chandler back, said man surprised to see their sudden change in positions. Joey hiked Chandler's legs over his shoulders before thrusting inside of his lover's already abused hole as hard as he could, slamming into his prostate on the first thrust. Chandler cried out loudly before covering his mouth with his hands. "Oh, no you don't," Joey said before gripping both of the man's wrists and pinning them above his head.

He had to give it to Chandler; the man could hold back like a pro. However, Joey knew every part of Chandler's body, knew every part that would make him scream. Not many people knew this about Chandler – and he hoped no one else would ever find out – but the man had a sensitive spot behind his ear that, when you grazed your teeth over it, he would lose all control. Joey used this knowledge to his advantage, grazing his teeth along that sensitive spot, receiving the response he knew he would get.

"Oh, God, Joey! Fuck! Don't stop!" Chandler cried out before giving a loud, drawn-out moan.

Joey smirked, then continued slamming into Chandler so hard that the bed shook. Chandler screamed a mantra of Joey's name, gripping his arms until Joey felt pain, but it only made him continue. As Chandler got close, his cries turned more high-pitched as he let Joey slowly push him over the edge. "Joey, Joey! Oh, fuck!"

Joey gave one heavy thrust against Chandler's prostate and then it was over for the man beneath him. Chandler cried out Joey's name at the top of his lungs as Joey slammed into him a few more times before he came deep inside of him with a low moan of, "Chandler."

They stayed connected in the most intimate of ways before Chandler moved his legs off of Joey's shoulders allowing him to pull out. Joey stayed atop Chandler for a moment, leaning down to claim those wonderful lips before finally sliding down beside Chandler.

As they came down from their post-coital high, Chandler scooted close to Joey, ignoring the feel of Joey's cum in his ass, before mumbling tiredly against his chest, "I'm not explaining that to anyone, you hear me?"

"Oh, I heard you, alright," Joey laughed, eyes still closed. Chandler just grumbled before promptly losing his battle against sleep.

"I love you," Chandler mumbled.

"I love you, too. Go to sleep."

"M'kay..." Chandler whispered before finally dozing off.

Joey tried to, but he just couldn't sleep. He opened his eyes to stare at the sleeping man who would hopefully one day become his husband. He wanted that more than he'd wanted anything in his life. He watched Chandler sleep for what felt like forever that night. He watched the way Chandler's mouth would move in his sleep. That was one of the many things Joey loved about Chandler. Most people's eyes would move when they slept, however, Chandler's mouth would move to signal an emotion. Right now, his mouth was in a slight pout, signaling that his dreams were headed somewhere unpleasant. Joey was right; eventually Chandler's mouth opened just slightly to let out a slight whimper.

This happened sometimes. It didn't happen as much as it used to, but every now and then, Chandler would have a nightmare that would get him in a panic within his sleep. Every time Joey saw him having a nightmare, he would do the same thing to calm him down. Leaning close to him, he whispered in Chandler's ear, "I'm right here, baby. You don't have to face this alone. I'm with you always. I love you." He then placed a kiss to the shell of his ear. Without fail, Chandler calmed down, his breathing evening out and his expression changing to one of dreamless sleep.

Joey decided to get out of bed, suddenly needing to move around. He grabbed his pants and his shirt off the floor before walking downstairs, only to see both his parents on the couch, passed out. He smiled, remembering seeing small things like this when he was a kid. He started to head to the kitchen, but stubbed his toe loudly in the process. "Shit!"

He tried to cover his outburst, but it woke his parents up anyways. "Joey, what're you doing up?" His mother called sleepily.

Joey sighed in relief. Thank God. His parents didn't hear him and Chandler. "I was getting something to drink."

His father nodded. "Go get something for us, too. Will you?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah, no problem."

He came back to the living room with three glasses of water and sat down on the armchair. He just sipped his water in silence before saying out of the blue, "I'm gonna marry him."

Both of his parents smiled. "What makes you say that?" His mother asked.

"Well, for starters, the ring is well-hidden at home."

Two sets of shocked eyes stared at him. "You're really serious about this," his father said as more of a statement than a question.

Joey nodded. Suddenly, a wave of emotion came over him. "Mom, Dad, I... I've never loved someone so much and so _hard_ in my life. I knew love was possible, but I never dreamed that I could love someone this much. Sometimes I can't breathe when I think about him and what he means to me." He sighed shakily, his eyes filling with tears. "I was the one that found him when he swallowed all those pills. I... I thought I lost him." He laughed, but no trace of humor could be found in his voice. "You know, I wouldn't let the paramedics take him right away, even when I knew he was still alive. I was just so _sure_ he was going to die that I didn't... I didn't want him to die in the back of an ambulance, you know?"

Joey's parents motioned for him to sit between them both. When he sat down, his mother wrapped her arms around him. "He'll be okay, Joey," she said. "He's stubborn, yes, but if you stay dedicated to proving him wrong, he'll see that life means something."

Joey lost it then. He had done his hardest to not cry. He wanted to be the strong one for everyone – for Chandler – but now that he was here with his parents, he completely broke down. "I don't know if I could handle it if he tried to kill himself again. I was distraught the first time, but now? Now, I don't know if I could keep going if he tried again. I can't even think about what I would do if he succeeded."

"Then don't let it get that far. Don't let him get to that point again." His father said, a surprising amount of seriousness in his comforting tone. "You may not have seen it coming the first time, but now you know what to look for. Let him know every day that he means something to you."

Joey nodded against his mother's shoulder, feeling the wetness of her shirt from his tears. He sat up and kissed his mother's cheek, then turned and hugged his father. "Thank you. I don't know where I'd be without you guys."

"We're your parents. We'll always be here." His mother encouraged. "Now go back to bed before our future son-in-law wonders where you wandered off to."

Joey smiled at his parents' acceptance. "Okay. Love you."

"Love you, too, kid."

Joey went back upstairs and into their bedroom to find that Chandler had managed something spectacular. Somehow, in the small time he was downstairs, the man had managed to pull the sheets completely off the bed and entangle himself in them. Joey chuckled softly before crawling into bed, pulling his sheet-tangled boyfriend into his arms, promptly falling asleep to the steady sound of his breathing.

The next morning was Christmas. Joey was excited, but he was more excited to see if Chandler would like his gift. It was something simple, so he just didn't know if Chandler would appreciate it.

He watched as Chandler's eyes struggled to open before finally focusing on Joey's in a lazy manner. "G'mornin', Joe."

Joey placed a soft, lingering kiss to his boyfriend's lips. "Morning to you too, baby."

Chandler smiled from ear to ear, his eyes still filled with sleep. The man seemed to lose all of his cares in the time before he was truly awake. Joey found it endearing.

Chandler stretched out his sleepy stiffness before sitting up slowly and grabbing some clothes. "Shower's down the hall," Joey called. "You might want to put on some pants before heading there, at least."

Chandler looked down at himself, forgetting that he was naked. He smiled about something Joey wasn't quite sure of before slipping on his old boxers from the night before. In a rare moment of boldness with just a hint of red in his cheeks, he looked at Joey and asked, "Are you coming?"

Joey smirked. "Be right there."

Once in the shower, Chandler moaned appreciatively as the warm water hit his skin. Joey watched the sight with utter fascination before standing under the spray with him, pulling him in for a heady kiss. Chandler was the one to pull away, saying with a tempting smirk, "Now, Joey. We can't be doing this in the shower. We're supposed to be getting clean."

Joey glared and Chandler chuckled before getting down to business. He lathered up some shampoo into his hands, then proceeded to rub at Joey's scalp. Joey closed his eyes unintentionally, letting the soothing feeling wash over him. Chandler allowed him to rinse before getting some of Joey's personal body wash, lathering it, then washing every part of Joey's body, paying attention to every detail as if he were memorizing every inch of his skin.

Joey was rock hard from the attention his boyfriend was paying him and he knew Chandler could see that. Based on how he purposefully avoided his aching cock, Joey was certain that Chandler was teasing him. After Chandler had finished washing his legs, he didn't get off his knees as he said, "You can rinse, now."

Joey obeyed, standing under the spray and rinsing the soap off. Once he was thoroughly rinsed off, he felt Chandler finally grip his cock and stroke it languidly. "Fuck, Chandler," he moaned lowly.

The Italian knew of his own experience with sex. He knew that sex was something he was good at. However, there was one thing that, without a doubt, Chandler was the best at. Chandler Bing was fucking monumental at giving blowjobs. The things Chandler could do with his mouth were obscene, and to think he learned all of it in just the time that he'd been with Joey. He knew Chandler was smart, but seeing how quickly he could learn and apply was insane. Because Chandler had never been with another man other than Joey, in about four months Chandler had successfully learned to give the best blowjobs Joey has ever experienced.

Joey groaned when Chandler wrapped his lips around the head of Joey's cock, swirling his tongue around the head before licking at the slit. Joey's hand found its way into Chandler's hair, gripping it tight. It should have hurt Chandler, but it only made him continue. When Chandler began to bob his head, Joey's hips began to unintentionally thrust forward. He tried to keep his hips still, but seeing his love's lips around his cock was a surefire way to make him lose control. Chandler usually stopped his hips from moving, but it seemed he was in one of his 'learning moments.' These moments were times when Chandler pushed his own limits to see what he could take. So, instead of stopping Joey's hips, he let the light thrusts go as he took Joey deeper and deeper down his throat.

Chandler pulled away from Joey's cock for a moment and the man above felt him take a large breath. He gazed up at Joey for a moment right before he took Joey to the hilt in one swift motion, licking at the underside of his cock the entire time and never taking his eyes off the Italian man. Joey groaned out Chandler's name, gripping his hair tightly and pulling him back before roughly shoving his dick right back down Chandler's throat. His hips stilled in that moment, afraid he had hurt Chandler, but the man just kept his lust-filled gaze on him, gripped his hips, then pulled Joey towards him so that his cock went down his throat once more.

Joey took this as a sign that he could move his hips. He watched Chandler carefully as he moved, but Chandler didn't seem uncomfortable, so he gave in to the pleasure and allowed himself to lose control. He never tore his gaze from Chandler's, the heat in Chandler's eyes spurring him forward. He could feel Chandler moaning around his cock as his stroked himself towards completion while Joey used him in the best possible way.

When he got close, Joey pulled Chandler off his cock, allowing him to take another breath before thrusting back into that warm cavern. He knew Chandler was close as well; the moans around his cock were getting more frequent. He watched when Chandler scrunched his eyes close before opening them widely as he came, the stream of cum shooting onto Joey's leg. Joey moved his hips in an unsteady rhythm, immensely turned on by seeing Chandler come with his dick in his mouth. He fucked Chandler's mouth until he couldn't anymore, then released with a cry down Chandler's throat, said man swallowing as much as he could and the amount that he couldn't he let slide down his chin.

He slid down the side of the shower, pulling a gasping Chandler close and kissing him, tasting himself on his tongue. When he pulled away, he said, "Fuck, Chandler, where did you learn to do that?"

Chandler smirked, relishing in the compliment. "Trial and error, mostly."

"Well, I'll gladly continue being your test subject if it gets me blowjobs like that."

Chandler chuckled before standing up slowly. "Let's do what we actually came here to do."

"Wait, we didn't come here so you could give me an amazing blowjob?"

Chandler laughed before placing his lips against Joey's after the man stood up. "No. Now get the soap. I have to re-clean you."

Christmas with the Tribbianis was a pretty exciting time. They made a surprisingly huge deal out of the holiday, incorporating both Christ and commercialism in a completely perfect way. They played a bunch of games, ate a lot of food, and just had a good time. Finally, they got to opening presents. Chandler never expected any gifts from anyone. For one, he never expected gifts from anybody. Even his friends thought it was weird to see his genuine happiness whenever he received a gift. Two, he was invited last minute.

That was why it was so surprising to see a gift from Joey's parents. "You guys... got me something?" He asked, genuinely confused.

Gloria smiled. "Of course. We were planning on inviting you for a while, even before I knew you were with Joey."

The gratitude on Chandler's face was almost surreal. "Thank you," he said in half-disbelief.

"Well, go ahead. Open it."

As Chandler delicately opened the present, Joey thought of some of the words written on his suicide note. He had told Joey that he wasn't a good person. _What kind of bad person receives a Christmas gift and expresses true joy every single time like he never thought for a moment that someone would think of him?_ Joey shook his head. Chandler was the kindest person he knew. He had a pure soul and a heart of gold that many people took for granted. His selflessness surpassed everything he'd ever seen and because of this Joey sometimes wanted to hold Chandler and shield him from the people who would use him.

Inside the wrapping was an old watch. It looked like it had been well-worn as some of the edges of the leather band were slightly frayed. He inspected it further, noticing that different sets of initials had been engraved into the back. He didn't recognize any of them except for his own. He looked up, about to ask Joey whose initials were carved in the watch, but he stopped short at Joey's shocked stare. Something was definitely significant with this watch.

Mr. Tribbiani was the one to explain. "That watch has been in the Tribbiani family for a long time. Every initial carved into the back was a previous owner. The watch is always given to the spouse of the firstborn male Tribbiani."

Gloria smiled. "That used to be my watch."

Chandler felt tears starting to form. The fact that Joey's parents cared for him enough that they could see him married to their son warmed his heart in unimaginable ways. "Th-Thank you so much. This means... I don't even have words to describe what this means to me."

The Tribbiani parents smiled. "We don't mean to be presumptuous in any way. Take your time with your relationship. Don't go thinking you have to run off and get married right away, okay?" Gloria said.

Chandler laughed. "Yeah. I got you." Both he and Chandler had agreed to take it slow, so he kept his personal thoughts about how happy he would be to be married to Joey to himself.

Once the public present opening was finished, Joey took Chandler upstairs so that he could give his gift to him. "Listen, I didn't want to give it to you in front of everyone."

Chandler raised a brow when Joey handed him a card in an envelope. He opened it and saw that it was a folded piece of paper, then began to read the writing written in Joey's handwriting. It was simple message, but it had Chandler in a shock:

 _Move in with me?  
_

Chandler knew exactly what he was asking. He knew they lived together in the apartment already, but he was asking if Chandler would move their things together into one room. It was a big deal for both of them.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, of course. I was just thinking, you know, we could turn the other room into a game room or something. You know, move the foosball table into your old room. Or into mine. We don't have to move your stuff into mine. We could move my stuff into your room if it would make you more comfortable"-

Chandler silenced Joey by placing a sweet kiss on Joey's lips. "Of course I'll move in with you, Joey."

Joey's grin was one of pure happiness. "I love you so much!" He said before pulling him into another kiss filled with barely contained excitement and joy. "Oh!" Joey exclaimed after he pulled away. "The other part of your present is at home. I figured you could open it when we got back."

Chandler nodded. "Your gift is at home, too. I know how terrible you are with surprises so I decided not to torture you."

Joey cupped either sides of Chandler's face and pulled him into a gentle kiss that promised a thousand things. "God, I love you."

Chandler smiled against Joey's lips. "I appreciate your love of God, but I'm starting to feel a little jealous." Joey glared at Chandler's terrible joke and Chandler chuckled. "I love you, too, Joey."

Joey took Chandler's hands in his own, fiddling with the watch on his left wrist. "You have no idea how shocked I was to see this watch in your present," Joey began. "There's not a single name carved in the back of the watch who didn't end up spending the rest of their life with a Tribbiani, you know that?"  
Chandler blushed as Joey lifted his wrist and placed a ghost of a kiss on the place where the watch met skin, never once breaking eye contact. Sometimes Joey would do things that seemed more intimate than sex. "Uh, n-no. I-I didn't... didn't know th-that." Chandler said eloquently.

Joey laughed softly. Chandler could feel the breath of air travelling over his wrist, making him shiver. "C'mon, babe. Let's go pack. We gotta leave soon."

After presents were exchanged and the two were packed, Chandler and Joey had to say their goodbyes. "Don't be strangers, you hear me?" Gloria waved.

Chandler waved back, the watch wrapped securely around his wrist. "We won't be, promise!"

As they drove away, Chandler smirked at Joey as the man used his free hand to hold Chandler's. "You should have seen the look on your face when you saw me open the watch."

Joey chuckled. "Well, it's a huge deal. It means they really like you."

"Well, I'd hope so. I don't think I could take it if they didn't."

"You would have had to have done something ridiculously bad to get my parents to not like you."

Chandler nodded. "I bet I could figure something out." He said thoughtfully.

Joey shook his head. "Don't you dare try to get my parents to hate you!"

Chandler laughed. "I won't. Promise."

Once they were back in town, Joey and Chandler began to walk up the stairs to their apartment. Once they reached their floor, Chandler stopped short, his eyes widening when he heard two eerily familiar voices bickering about something he couldn't understand. "Hey, Chandler," Joey called. "What's wrong?"

Chandler began to pull Joey back down the stairs. "Let's not go home. Let's... uh... Let's go to Central Perk. Yeah, that sounds good. I don't wanna go home yet."

Joey looked confused, but shrugged. "Okay, then. Let me go put our bags away first."

Chandler tried to hold Joey back, but the man was already walking away. Deciding to not make him face this disaster alone, he took a huge, calming breath, then went to face the people standing outside his apartment.

"Chandler, who are these women?" Joey asked, confused.

Chandler sighed as he walked up, the two women in question happy to see him. "Joey, the blonde woman over there is Nora Tyler. The brunette is Charles – well, she was Charles before she had a sex change. Now she goes by Helena."

"Okay, how do you know them?"

Chandler sighed once more, bracing himself. "Joey, meet my parents, Nora Tyler and Charles – Helena – Bing."


	8. Chapter 8

Joey blinked. He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it, blinked again. "Oh," he finally managed.

"Yeah, oh."

Nora came up to Chandler and wrapped her arms around her son. "It's so good to see you, Chandler."

"Yes, Mother," Chandler said, awkwardly returning the hug. "It's... good to see you, too."

Joey winced at the formal tone Chandler used. A child shouldn't feel the way Chandler did about his mother.

A voice directed at Joey was heard from the other woman, Helena. "Well, well. Who's this, Chandler?"

Chandler glared at his father – mother? "You haven't spoken to me in twenty years and you ask about my roommate?"

Joey tried not to be offended by not being introduced as his boyfriend, but Chandler had every right to not say anything. These were his parents, after all.

"I'm sorry, Chandler. Just trying to start a light conversation."

Nora scoffed. "Please. There's no such thing as a light conversation with you. It's always the dramatics with you."

Helena glared. "That's just the pot calling the kettle black, dear," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"Joey, I'm so sorry about this," Chandler said towards Joey as his parents started yelling at each other. Joey could see anxiety creeping into Chandler's body like a disease. He was tired before, having driven a long way, but now he looked the part of pure exhaustion. Nothing had really happened in Joey's opinion, but Chandler was the one who knew his parents the best. He'd probably heard these fights a thousand times as a kid and that hurt Joey in a terrible way. "Listen, Joe. I need you to go over to Monica's for a while. I need to take care of this."

Joey shook his head. "No, we're in this together. I can't leave you here to deal with this alone."

Chandler smiled appreciatively. "Thank you..." He said. "Let me talk to them alone for a bit though?"

Joey nodded. "Anything for you."

As Joey respectfully walked into Monica and Rachel's apartment, Chandler turned to his parents and sighed. "Why are you two here? And how did you find me, Dad?"

"Following Nora isn't that hard. She always had to be so flashy and the woman can't drive for shit."

Nora scoffed. "How dare you?"

Chandler pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Can we at least take this inside?" He said tiredly.

His led his parents into the apartment, telling them to sit down somewhere. Neither of them listened as they were too busy yelling at each other. "I'll ask again, why are you two here?"

"I'm here to see my son on Christmas," Nora said.

"She probably wants more money for alcohol. I hear her books aren't selling well."

Chandler glared at his father. "Stop instigating her, Dad," he said before he turned back to his mother. "Mother, you've never stopped by to see me on Christmas since I went to college, so I'll ask again. Why are you here?"

"You went to college?" Helena asked. Chandler ignored her.

"If you need money you should've just called me instead of trying to come here on the ruse that you were trying to do something selfless like caring about me."

Helena smirked triumphantly, but Chandler put her in her place. "Don't look so smug. You don't have any right to be here either, Dad. Whatever you're here for, I don't care."

Helena looked hurt. "How can you speak to your father like that?"

Chandler glared at her. "I don't even know who you are. Twenty years of no contact will do that."

It was Nora's turn to wear the smirk of triumph. "Yes, Charles. I spent all those years raising him while you were out doing God knows what with every man imaginable."

"Oh yeah, Mrs. Alcoholic. I'm sure all those bars were wonderful on his childhood."

When they started yelling again, Chandler had finally had enough. "SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" He shouted. Silence spread through the apartment. "I have had _enough_ of both of you to last me the rest of my life!

"Mother, you didn't raise me. I supported myself. It was a miracle that we made it through the way we did. I got to high school and picked up a job working full-time at the damn gas station making half of nothing just so we could pay bills. When I got home I would drag you to your room if you were passed out. If you were awake, well, I dragged you to the bathroom so you could throw up until you passed out. You know I wanted to go to art school? Probably not; alcohol is a funny thing. You told me that you wouldn't have a son who prances around in art school. You held me back from the things I wanted most just because you were afraid I'd turn out like Dad.

"And Dad, you were not any better. You were gone for twenty _fucking_ years. You don't get a choice to be in my life."

Chandler took a calming breath. He would not cry. "For the first ten years of my life, I listened to you two scream at each other. I watched you get into fights that often escalated physically. I watched as you threw things at each other, watched as one would walk out on the other, only to return and yell at each other again. I let myself get pulled along when one of you would leave because I was a kid. I was your fucking kid and you put me in positions where I was forced to choose between one of you. Well, I think I'm ready to make a decision. I choose me. I'm not going to take care of you, Mother. Find a way to finance your own addiction. Or, better yet, how about you quit? I quit smoking. And Dad? I don't know why you're here, but don't you _dare_ come back again. Both of you. I don't ever want to see you two anywhere _near_ me, do you understand?"

His mother looked genuinely shocked. "Chandler, you don't really mean that, do you?"

Chandler wanted to scream. They needed to get out. It hurt to look at them. "Get out."

"Chandler!"

"I won't say it again. Don't make me say more than I need to."

Nora glared at him, disappointment written on her features; a look he's come to know well. She looked like she was going to say something, but she was stopped by Helena. What he said shocked Chandler, though he didn't say anything. "Nora, let him make his decision. You should know that when a Bing makes a decision, they'll stick by it no matter what."

"No!" She cried. "I won't leave until I say what I came here to say!"

"Fine, Mother. Say it. Say what you came here to say and I'll pull out my fucking checkbook. Then will you get out of my apartment?" Chandler said angrily.

"I came here to apologize," she said suddenly.

Chandler was genuinely taken aback. "What?"

"I said I'm here to tell you I'm sorry. That's why... she's here, too. I told her to come." She explained, pointing to Helena.

Chandler's hands balled into fists, his body shaking from either anger or barely repressed tears. Which one, he wasn't sure. "No," he said, shaking his head. "You think you can both just barge into my life and think apologies are going to make things better?"

"No, we don't," Helena said. "We've just gotta start somewhere, don't we?"

Chandler's thoughts immediately went to his personal journey with his depression. He'd fallen and hit the bottom hard, but he was slowly crawling out of that hole of despair. However, he had to start somewhere. He started climbing out when he decided to let Joey in. Maybe he needed to let them in too. Maybe they could help each other escape rock bottom.

Helena began to speak. "When I left, I never let you know I was there, but I was always there. You know, I saw you at both of your graduations." She laughed fondly at the memory. "I don't know how you managed to trip at both ceremonies."

Chandler felt himself choking up at hearing these words. His father had been there the whole time?

Helena continued. "I was so afraid you would hate me for leaving. Now I see that thinking that way was the wrong choice. You hate me because you thought I was never there."

"And I'm sorry too, Chandler," Nora began. "I put you through the worst kind of Hell as a child, as a teenager, even now. You never got to be a kid because you were too busy taking care of me. I just want you to know – I want you both to know – I... I haven't had a sip of alcohol in two months. Lately I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I decided that on Thanksgiving I would quit drinking. You know, change the holiday from something bad to something better."

"I know we haven't been the best parents, Chandler. We were a volatile couple that should never have gotten together. Just know that, though we had a fucked up way of showing it, we loved you – still love you – more than life itself. We would do anything for you." Helena said.

Chandler couldn't hold it together any longer. With the last of his restraint, he managed to get out in a quiet voice, "I don't hate either of you. I have never hated you. I just... I just..." The tears began to stream down his face. "I said those things because I couldn't take seeing you. I would rather you never show up at my door again than face the pain I feel whenever I see you."

"It should never have gotten to this point. This is our fault, Chandler. You're our son. We should've been taking care of you. It never should have been the other way around, but it was. So we're going to do everything we can to fix it." Nora said with Helena agreeing.

Seeing his parents agreeing on something – on _him_ – is what finally broke him. He slid to the floor against the front door, sobs shaking his shoulders. Then he felt two weights against either arm, two comforting bodies enveloping him on either side. "I missed you both so much," Chandler cried.

"We missed you too, kid. We love you."

"I love you, too." He whispered. Then, an absurd thought came into his head and he started laughing.

"What're you laughing about?" Helena asked.

"Joey's face. I'm sure he's freaking out by now. He probably heard me yelling."

Nora got a quizzical look. "Joey was the man out in the hall, right?"

Chandler couldn't hide the smile that appeared. "Yeah."

Helena and Nora exchanged brief glances before Helena began speaking. "Can we meet him? You know, properly?"

Chandler nodded hesitantly before opening the door to go get Joey from Monica and Rachel's apartment, only to see that Joey was already at the door, about to knock. "Chandler, are you okay? I heard you yelling. Is everything okay?" Joey took in Chandler's red-rimmed eyes. "Have you been crying? What the Hell did they say?" Joey heard someone clear their throat and he looked up. To his mortification, Chandler's parents were still there. Joey, not having any background information and only seeing that Chandler had been crying, immediately went to Chandler's defense. "Listen, I don't care if you're his parents. I wouldn't care if you were _my_ parents, but when Chandler tells you to leave, you need to leave."

"And if we don't?" Helena challenged, a glare on her features. Nora seemed to be siding with Helena. Chandler glared at them both menacingly. _What the Hell are they doing?_

Joey glared right back. "Then I'll have to remove you both from the property. I don't believe in hitting women, but I know two women next door that aren't against it."

And just like that, Helena's expression changed from a glare to a smile. "You pass, Joey."

Joey blinked. "I'm sorry. Did I miss something?" Joey asked, turning to Chandler.

Chandler shook his head. "I don't know what's going on, either. One minute we were talking, then the next she's getting mad at you!"

Nora decided to elaborate. "Just a test, dear. We were seeing if you would protect our son from anyone, including his own parents. Whether we have a right to or not, we still need to make sure you're good enough for Chandler."

Joey blinked while Chandler's cheeks filled with blood. "Did you tell them?" Joey asked.

Chandler shook his head. "I-I didn't say a word. I was just... I was just talking with them about... reacquainting myself with them and then..." He waved his hand in a circle, signaling the situation. "Then this." Chandler started to fidget. "Mother, you're not mad, are you?"

Nora's heart dropped. "Chandler, I've always known you were into men as well. Even through my alcoholic haze, I could see that you never seemed like the type to care about gender. I've always seen you falling in love with whoever your heart desired. Regardless of what happened with your father, I do not hold him being gay against him. It's the fact that he cheated instead of telling me so that we could have a mutual split."

Helena, for once, didn't make a comment because, after all, she was right.

Chandler nodded. "Well, Mother, Dad, this is my... my boyfriend, Joey Tribbiani." This was weird for Chandler. They were fighting just minutes ago. Where did this civility come from? _Years of hostility had to run out eventually. There's probably only civility left._

Chandler, his parents, and Joey all sat down in the apartment, Joey and Chandler taking the couch and letting Chandler's parents take their chairs. Joey, not afraid to show affection, wrapped his arm around Chandler's waist, making the smaller man blush, an action that did not go unnoticed by the parents.

They continued talking well into the night. Chandler was beyond embarrassed. Joey did not need to know this much about his childhood. He didn't even know his parents remembered all of this. At one point, Joey was bent over laughing, asking Chandler, "Are you serious? You got stuck in a baby swing?"

Chandler had begun to cook something for them, still in a dream state. He watched as his parents conversed with his boyfriend, talking animatedly about whatever they could. Chandler went to pull out a knife from the drawer to cut up some cheese for an extra kick to his mac and cheese, then remembered where the knives were and called out to Joey, "Hey, Joe. I'm going to Monica's to get a knife, okay?"

Joey looked over at him worriedly. "What for?" He questioned.

Chandler held up the cheese. "I need some for the pasta and cutting it up makes it melt faster."

Joey nodded. "Okay."

Once Chandler left, he saw the suspicious look from Chandler's parents. "Why do you keep your knives at someone else's apartment?"

Joey shook his head. "I can't really say."

They nodded, though confusion was clearly written on their faces. "So," Helena began, changing the subject. "Do you love my son?"

Joey blinked, the sudden change of topic making his brain functions cut short. Once he came to, he didn't even hesitate. "Like you can't even imagine."

Helena nodded. "What makes you think you're good enough for him?"

Joey was caught off guard by this, but he answered straight from the heart. "I don't," he said, shrugging. "He's had such a hard life. I don't know how he came out of everything he's been through with barely any bitterness towards anything or anyone. He's the kindest, most loving, caring, sincere, passionate person I've ever met. He's told me before that he thinks he doesn't deserve me, but that's not true. He deserves someone better than me. I'm the one that doesn't deserve him.

"But here we are. I love him more than anything. I know how cheesy it sounds, but I need him more than I need air to breathe. I know for a fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with him." His voice was distant as he said the last part like he was imagining something far off. He didn't even realize that he had, in a way, told Chandler's parents that he wished to marry their son.

Nora smiled happily. "You wish to marry him?"

Joey's heart skipped in panic, but he stayed strong. "Yeah. I guess now is as good a time as any to ask you both." He rubbed at the back of his head. "Chandler's old fashioned. He'd appreciate this. And hey," he shrugged. "I'm old fashioned, too."

Helena smirked. "Did you get him a ring?"

Joey nodded. "It's in my room – well – our room now. We were gonna move all his stuff into my room when you guys showed up." He sighed, desperately needing an answer. Chandler would be back any minute. "Are you guys okay with this? Are you okay if I ask Chandler to marry me?"

Nora and Helena exchanged glances before turning back to the Italian. "You make him happy in ways we've never been able to do. As long as he stays happy, as long as you're the one making him happy, we'll be okay with anything."

The smile was bright on Joey's face. He had to reign in his overwhelming urge to run to Chandler with the ring right then and there. "Thank you. I promise I'll do my best to make him the happiest man alive."

Just then, Chandler walked in with a frustrated look. "What's up?" Joey asked.

"Monica," Chandler huffed. "She will never let me find the hiding spot!"

Joey laughed. "You know she's the ultimate Christmas present hider."

Chandler's brow furrowed in a pout. "Yeah, well it sucks. Friends are supposed to be honest with each other!"

Joey nodded. "Yes, but she's not lying. She's just... not telling."

"Oh, so you're taking her side?"

Joey shook his head. "I'm taking the side that will least likely get you killed by Monica for sneaking around her apartment."

Chandler looked contemplative before settling on resigned. "Yeah, yeah. Okay."

On that note, Helena and Nora stood. "We've got to get going, honey. I've got a publishing meeting in the morning and your father I'm sure has to return to Vegas eventually."

"You flew all the way out here for a couple hours?" Chandler asked his father incredulously.

Helena nodded. "Yeah. I had to see you."

Nora pulled Chandler in for a hug, kissing his cheek. "I'll see you soon, Chandler."

Chandler lips curled into the hint of a smile. "Y-yeah. Bye... Mom."

Helena then pulled her son in for a hug. "Go get you some, kid. That one is a real keeper."

Chandler blushed. "You're so crude!"

"And you're a prude."

"He really is," Joey commented, to which he received a glare from Chandler.

"Just like his mother."

"Okay, time to leave," Chandler said, practically dragging his parents out of the apartment.

"It was nice meeting you, Joey!" Nora said.

Once the door was shut, Chandler leaned his head back against the door, sighing tiredly as he closed his eyes. Joey came up to wrap his arms around his waist and press feather kisses to Chandler's exposed neck, said man leaning into his touch.

Joey placed one final kiss to Chandler's lips before asking, "So you're forgiving them?"

Chandler nodded. "I'm not going to forget what happened – I don't think I can ever really forget – but I'm going to forgive them. They're my parents."

Joey smiled at him. "You're a kind person, Chandler. I couldn't do it if it were my parents. I'd be too angry."

Chandler blushed at the compliment, a shy smile on his face. "I just wouldn't want that to happen to me if I had a kid."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, I could see that but, then again, I'd never do that to my kid in the first place."

"Which is one of the many things I love about you."

Joey raised a brow. "What?"

"That you're nothing like either of my parents."

Joey laughed. "It would be weird, though, if I were like one of your parents."

Chandler grimaced. "Please never speak of that again."

"Of what?" Joey smirked.

"Exactly."

Joey chuckled before kissing Chandler again. He would never get enough of this. Kissing Chandler never got old. It was always exciting, always got his heart racing.

Suddenly, the Italian pulled away. "Your Christmas present!"

Chandler's eyes widened in realization. "Oh yeah! I have to get yours, too!"

They both ran into their rooms and pulled out their gifts. Chandler told Joey to open his first. It was a card, but Joey opened it, wondering what Chandler was blushing about. When he opened it, two tickets fell out, plane tickets.

He read the details before seeing a location that shocked him. "You bought plane tickets to LA?"

Chandler nodded. "You said you've always wanted to go out to the other coast so I figured we could head out there sometime, you know, as a vacation. I set the date pretty far in advance. I wasn't sure if you wanted to go in the winter so I went with the summer"-

Chandler's ramblings were cut off by Joey tackling him to the floor, attacking him with his lips. "I love you so much," Joey said against his lips.

Chandler smiled. "I love you too."

They chatted for some time about different things they could do in LA before Joey came back to himself. "Oh! Your present!"

Joey handed the rather crudely wrapped present to Chandler. It was huge; Joey probably put everything together in one huge wrap. Chandler chuckled before he opened the gift. Inside the paper revealed various art supplies. "You remembered..." Chandler said.

Joey nodded enthusiastically. "Of course!"

Chandler eyed Joey gratefully. "Thank you. I'm... This is amazing!"

Joey smiled at Chandler's glee. "I'm glad you like it."

"Man, I haven't drawn in forever. I don't even know if I'll even be any good."

"Isn't art like riding a bike?"

Chandler looked thoughtful. "I actually have no idea. We can find out?"

Joey smirked before lying down in a seductive pose. "Paint me like one of your French girls."

"I have no French girls. I have an Italian man who often makes a fool out of himself, but no French girls."

Joey huffed while Chandler laughed. Joey wanted to kiss him and wipe that smugness of his face, so he did just that. He had Chandler pressed to the floor, about to take his shirt off when there was a knock at the door.

"I swear to fucking God, if there is a Geller at the door, I'm honestly going to think there's something wrong with them!"

When Joey opened the door to reveal Monica standing there about ready to knock again, Joey groaned and Chandler doubled over, laughing harder than he had in a long time. "What?" Monica asked, unaware.

Chandler eventually controlled his laughter enough to say, "Joey believes that Gellers are all cockblockers."

Monica looked confused for a moment. "Why?" Then he took in the disheveled state of Chandler's hair and Joey's crinkled shirt and she blushed. "Oh, my God."

"You might as well tell us what you came here for," Joey started. "I don't want opening this door for you to be for nothing."

Monica blinked. "Uh, well, everyone's over at the apartment for a Christmas dinner and we were wondering if you two would like to come over?"

Joey opened his mouth to say, "No. I'm going to get laid tonight," but Chandler swooped in and said, "We'd love to. We'll be right there."

Monica nodded then awkwardly turned and walked back to her apartment. Chandler faced Joey with a smile that reeked of feigned innocence while Joey glared at him with a look that said 'Seriously?' "If you don't want sex, fine! No sex for you!" Joey mumbled.

Chandler laughed. "I am the king of dry spells. I think it'll be you who will be suffering."

Joey's glare deepened. "Fine..."

The brunet pulled at his boyfriend's belt loops before kissing him softly. "C'mon. Christmas wouldn't be the same if we didn't hang out with the gang and you know it."

Joey sighed and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Let me grab my shirt."

"If you're a good boy, we'll have lots of sex, okay?" Chandler teased.

"Don't we do that anyways?" Joey responded, raising an eyebrow.

Chandler looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Yeah, you're right."

The dinner was phenomenal. Monica was just as good a cook as ever and they all had a wonderful time. The eight of them had a blast playing games. At one point, however, they started playing a trivia game, promising each other that they would not bet their apartments this time. They ended up drawing cards to see who wound up on the same team with red suit as one team and black as the other team. Eventually, it was Ross, Richard, Mike, and Joey against Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Chandler. "Okay, we're gonna set up questions this way. It's more or less going to be about who knows the other team best. It actually worked out pretty well considering significant others are on opposite teams! What're the chances?" Monica said excitedly.

"Okay, everyone give their card to me. Whoever's card I draw has to answer a question from the opposite team."

"Can we get help from our teammates?" Chandler asked.

Monica nodded. "Team game. Of course you can! However, if another person has to give the answer, you get one point. If the person who is asked the question doesn't receive any help, you get two points."

Chandler nodded and they began to play. To Chandler's disappointment, their team had been named 'The Girls' while Joey's was 'The Guys.' "I'm a man, too, you know!" He complained. Joey patted him on the shoulder in consolation.

"Don't worry, Chandler. I know for a fact that you're a man. I have been up close and personal with that knowledge." He smirked.

Chandler blushed furiously while the others in the room groaned.

The first card drawn was Phoebe's. "Okay, Phoebes," Ross said. "What is Ross' middle name?"

Phoebe looked confused before Rachel and Chandler whispered, "Eugene," to her.

Ross looked at Chandler, confused. "How do you know my middle name?"

Chandler shrugged. "Well, for starters, we went to college together. Second," he smirked. "I know everything."

Joey laughed. "Okay, genius."

The next card was Richard's. "What does Chandler do for a living?" Monica asked, knowing the significance of the question.

Chandler, Rachel, and Monica all high-fived while Joey groaned. "That's not even fair, guys!" Joey complained. "You can't recycle questions like that!"

Chandler smirked. "You're just mad that none of you know what it is," Chandler's expression fell. "Should I be offended by this? I told you all before and you still don't know? Joey, I'm appalled." He put his hand over his heart for emphasis. "Okay, I'm really not offended. I think my competitive side has ruined me."

As the game progressed, they somehow went from playful banter to serious contemplation of their lives. They had stopped counting a long time ago and ended up in some weird game of Truth or Dare, but you could only choose truth.

"Okay, Chandler, we've had enough," Phoebe said. "Tell us. Is Joey really as good as they say?"

"And you can't use the excuse that you and Joey haven't had sex this time!" Monica argued. "Rachel and I have heard you."

Chandler blushed while Ross, Richard, and Mike groaned. Joey just laughed. This was going to be good. "Well, I'm going to have to disagree with all the women out there. He's not as good as they say," he said. Joey was about to retort with something along the lines of, "I'm pretty sure you've never complained before," when Chandler continued with a smirk by saying, "He's way better."

Joey gave Chandler a look that said 'you just saved your sex life,' making the man laugh.

The night continued and they kept growing more fond of their lives. They eventually pulled out their yearbooks to willingly show their embarrassing school photos. Joey went to get his, but when Chandler didn't follow him, Joey asked why.

Chandler shrugged. "I never bought any. Didn't have the money."

Joey nodded, understanding that much. He went into his room and grabbed his books before returning and seeing that Phoebe was the first to share her book. Chandler, meanwhile, was staring at Phoebe's elementary school photos with confusion. "Hey, Phoebes, can I see that for a minute?"

Phoebe nodded and handed the book to him. Chandler flipped a few pages to the grade below hers, then said, "Ah-hah!" He pointed to a picture in the book, the name under it reading, "Chandler M. Bing."

"Holy crap!" They all said.

"You went to school with Phoebe?" Mike exclaimed.

Chandler nodded. "I guess so." Then, "Wait a minute..." Chandler eyed Phoebe suspiciously. "Were you the one that kept selling those cigarettes to me?"

Phoebe shook her head. "No way! I would totally remember if I sold you cigarettes! Let me see that picture of you." She stole the book out of Chandler's hands before tossing it on the table with an exclamation of, "Oh my God! I sold you cigarettes! I fed your addiction!"

Chandler just smirked. "You always got the best kind."

Eventually, the night was called to a close as everyone was getting pretty tired. The two men said their goodbyes and went to their apartment. They had originally planned to move everything around that day, but they were honestly feeling too tired to do anything, so they just went to bed and laid there with each other.

Joey had his arms wrapped around Chandler, the smaller man curled into the Italian's chest. Both were tired, but Joey had a question that was nagging at his mind. Curiosity got the better of him and he finally asked, "You know, I realized today that I don't know anything about your childhood."

Joey could actually feel Chandler's face heat up. "It wasn't anything spectacular, I promise."

Joey pulled away from Chandler so he could look at him directly. "But it's about you and you're something spectacular."

Chandler mock-grimaced. "You're so corny."

"You love it."

Chandler nodded absentmindedly, his thoughts mainly on his childhood. He sighed, deciding that he didn't want to hide anything from Joey. His childhood was in the very distant past anyways. "My childhood wasn't all that bad," Chandler began and Joey listened intently. "I did have good moments with my parents. It's just sometimes the bad outweighed the good.

"I can't ever remember a time when my mother wasn't drinking. She always had a drink, but it only became a real problem when my parents finally got a divorce. Before the divorce, my parents always argued. They say that people should fight to live. Well, my parents were the type of people who lived to fight.

"As I grew and started understanding what they were arguing about, I was always stressed. I remember once, right before my ninth birthday, my parents were fighting over who was going to sleep on the very couch I was hiding behind. It gets kind of blurry after that, but I guess I had a panic attack. My parents didn't even notice until they heard me fall off the couch because I stopped breathing. The panic attacks happened a lot after that until they actually got their divorce. That was when I started smoking." Chandler laughed humorlessly. "A nine year old smoker. What a legend.

"Anyways, after they got their divorce, I wasn't really surprised by anything. They tried to explain to me in a way that wouldn't hurt my feelings, but instead, I think I asked them something along the lines of, 'Is this a thing people do? Why didn't you guys do it sooner?' Their shocked faces was priceless, looking back.

"To get away from my parents for a minute, school was a living Hell for me. I went to public school for a while; my father insisted on it. I liked public school. No one cared about what I did. I could sneak out for a smoke and no one would even notice I was gone. When they got their divorce and my father left, my mother pulled me out and put me into an all-boys private school. That was a complete shock to me. I had to leave my friends and go to this school where everyone was either rich or richer. I think I was the poorest kid there and they all looked down on me because of it. And the teachers _hated_ me. I would sneak out a lot for a smoke like I usually would and, unlike in public schools, teachers got pissed. As much as I knew that smoking was bad, it was an unsettling change for me.

"One time I got called to the principal's office and he looked at my wrinkled, dirty uniform and said something like how he knew I wasn't from a privileged family but that didn't mean I had to act like a delinquent. Why does smoking automatically make me a bad person? A lot of people who smoke aren't bad people. They just made a bad decision and then got addicted to something.

"And the kids in high school were awful," he blushed. "I admit I got beat up a few times, but they really didn't like it when I called them YUPs."

"YUPs?"

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, a YUP or a Yuppie is an acronym. It stands for 'Young, Urban, and Privileged.' It was my personal nickname for them. They hated being called privileged because I guess rich people like to make it sound like they have less than what they really do. There's always an exception to the rule, but most rich people I've met don't really know what it's like to work for what you have, especially second and third generation rich people.

"So, after school, I would come home and my mother would usually not be there. If she was home then the front door would be locked. I learned my lesson on going in when the front door was locked." He shivered at the memory of finding his mother on the couch with some random guy. "While she was either at the bar or at work I would clean up the place for when she came home. When she got home she stumbled around a lot and broke things so I tried to make a clear path for her. She would come home and often ask what I was doing there. I think I reminded her of my father...

"She would spit insults at me until she realized who I was, then she would usually pass out. I would carry her to her bed and put a trash can by her head for in the morning. Then I'd go to bed.

"When I was fifteen, my mother quit her job to be a writer. She's famous now, but you don't get that way overnight. I ended up picking up two jobs while going to school to cover the expenses. I would go to school from seven to three, then go to my weekday job from four to about midnight. I was a dishwasher at some old restaurant. My second job was more of a pity job offer, but I loved it regardless. My art teacher saw that I was good at art so she got me in with the city to paint various displays. My hours were long but it was worth it. I worked twelve hours a day at that job, but only on the weekends.

"I'd come home every day, exhausted, but I did what I had to do to make sure my mother and I had a place to live.

"When I was about to graduate, I told my mother that I had applied to art school, but she said that I wasn't going to art school because that's where the 'fags' went. She went behind my back and changed my major. I gave up at that point, so I went to school for business and I hated it.

"College itself wasn't too bad, though. I could smoke in peace and I met Ross and eventually Monica there."

Chandler sighed. "That's basically it. That was my childhood and some of college."

Joey took a moment to take it all in. Pulling Chandler close against him, he kissed his forehead as a sweet gesture of comfort. "Jesus, Chandler. And you _forgave_ them?"

Chandler nodded, leaning into the soothing touch of Joey's hand running up his side in a comforting manner. "Yeah. I'm tired of being angry at them. They're my parents, regardless of any screw ups they had in the past."

Joey kissed the tip of Chandler's nose, making the man's face scrunch up in what Joey thought was the most adorable way ever. Joey chuckled, but quickly became more serious. "I don't know what to do with you sometimes, Chandler. You are so kind that I get scared that people will take advantage of you."

Chandler pretended to look thoughtful before climbing on top of Joey to straddle his hips. "You take advantage of me. In fact, I say you take advantage of me right now, hmm?"

Joey tried to glare, but he couldn't keep the smirk from his features. "Stop distracting me. I'm serious. You are too nice for over half the people on this planet, including me."

Chandler's head tilted slightly; it was his way of saying he was trying to process something that was said. "You think I'm too nice for you?"

"I think you're too good for me." Joey said without missing a beat.

Chandler's mouth pressed into a thin line, signaling he was about to go on a rant about how wrong Joey was. "I'm too good for you? I think you've got it backwards, Joe. I mean, I'm pretty much the world's most judgmental asshole who couldn't"-

Chandler was cut off by Joey pulling him down and smashing their lips together, effectively silencing the smaller man. "Shut up, Chandler. You're not an asshole and you're certainly not judgmental. If you were judgmental, you would never have given me a chance. In fact, I'm sure you'd still be in the damn closet." He smirked when he saw Chandler considering this. "And if you were an asshole, you wouldn't have gotten those tickets for me and you for Christmas. I know that, last year, you worked extra hours so you could buy each of us something special for Christmas. You do it every year. Everyone gets excited around Christmas because you always give the best gifts. You always know what to get for us because you pay attention. An asshole doesn't care about that kind of stuff. An asshole would go to the nearest dollar store and buy a scarf."

Chandler nodded slowly before pressing his lips against Joey's. The man wrapped his arms around the man leaning over him, adoration and love coming off in waves through the lazy kiss. "I love you, Chandler."

Chandler smiled against his lips. "I love you, too, Joey," he said before sliding off the man and cuddling up close to him.

As sleep gripped at Chandler, he heard Joey call his name. "Yeah, Joe?" He mumbled.

"Merry Christmas."

Chandler smiled sleepily. "Merry Christmas, Joey."

The next day found Joey and Chandler rearranging their rooms so they could actually move in together. After several cuts, scrapes, and bruises from trying to move everything over and running into furniture in the process, they had Chandler's bed taken apart and his clothes and other things moved into Joey's room. They smiled at their accomplishment before promptly collapsing on Joey's – no, their – bed and crashing for the next few hours.

Chandler woke first to the sound of a knock on the door. He slowly dragged himself out of bed, not caring that he was clad in only a pair of boxers – it was probably just Monica – and went to answer the door.

"Monica, hey. Now is a really bad time. I'm really tired"-

Chandler was promptly cut off when he realized who was standing at his door.

"Janice?"

The Brooklyn woman nodded slowly. "Can I come in, Chandler?"

Chandler was a little hesitant, but he nodded slowly. "What're you doing here?"

She looked down at her shoes as she spoke. "Chandler, there's no easy way for me to say this, so I'm just gonna spit it out," she looked him in the eyes as she explained, "I'm not sure if you feel the same way, but I need to get this off my chest because it's driving me crazy.

"Chandler Bing, I'm still in love with you. I can't get you out of my head. I can't move on from you and I sure as Hell don't want to."

Chandler's eyes went wide. "Janice, I'm sorry. I don't feel the same way about you. You know that."

The man watched as Janice got that look in her eyes that showed she was about to do something monumentally stupid. She inched herself closer to Chandler, pressing up against him. In Chandler's confusion, he just froze. "Why? After everything we've been through? After all the history we have?"

Chandler shook his head as he tried to will his body to move. "I can't be with you, Janice. I'm with somebody else."

"Who?" She asked. "Who could be better for you than me?"

Chandler glared, finding his will to move through the confusion. "Joey," he said simply. "I'm with Joey and I love him."

Her eyes widened. "But, you're not gay."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "You're probably the first person to actually say that and believe it." He shook his head. "No, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual, but that's not really the point here. I can't be with you because I'm in love with Joey."

She shook her head. "He's feeding you lies. What makes you think he's not just using you?"

Chandler scoffed. "How about everything he's ever done for me? You haven't been here Janice. You don't even know what's been going on. I don't care if you make comments about me, but if you start talking about Joey like you do everyone else then I'm going to ask you to get out."

Janice shook her head. "No, I'm not leaving. Not until I get you to see that you still love me."

Chandler wanted to pull his hair out. "Get out, Janice. For the last time. I don't love you."

"Quit lying to yourself, Bing. I'll show you exactly what the truth is."

Before Chandler could even reply, Janice pressed herself against Chandler, sealing their lips together. In Chandler's utter shock, he couldn't push her away. He could only stand there and let her have her one-sided kiss.

Chandler heard his name being called by a familiar voice. "Is everything..."

Chandler finally found his sanity and pushed Janice away. "Joey!"

Of course Joey had to come out at this time. Of course Chandler would find a way to break his heart.

He always screwed things up.

He watched as Joey walked back into their room before coming back out fully clothed. "Joey, I know this is a really cliché line, but it's really not what it looks like."

Joey didn't even answer him as he walked out.

The apartment was eerily silent before Janice's voice broke through the quiet. "Chandler, I'm sorry"-

"Get out, Janice, or I swear to God you will regret staying here another second."

The woman nodded and quickly ran out of the apartment. Once the door shut and Chandler was alone, he collapsed in a sobbing mess. This was the first time since his suicide attempt that he had cried and Joey wasn't there with him.

This was his fault.

He dragged himself to what their room before falling onto Joey's side of the bed, drinking in his scent that still lingered there as he cried. He'd ruined everything. He just destroyed the greatest thing that ever happened to him.

He didn't deserve Joey. He'd known that since the beginning. Maybe this was for the best. Joey deserved someone much better than him.

Chandler curled in on himself as he passed out, his eyes red from tears and his body tired from shaking so much.

His last thought before his consciousness left him was that this was for the best. Joey would be better off without him.


	9. Chapter 9

Joey wandered the streets for some time. How could Chandler have done this to him? How could Chandler have kissed someone else – and Janice at that!

He didn't think he could even look at the man right now. He was so angry and hurt that he couldn't go home. He couldn't. So he just stayed out before ending up at Central Perk. He looked in and saw Ross, Mike, and Phoebe talking and drinking coffee. Deciding he needed a distraction, he went in to sit with them.

"Hey, Joey!" Phoebe greeted. "Wow, you look like Hell. Are you okay?"

Joey was never good at reigning in his emotions. Somehow he managed with Chandler, but right now he was so raw and broken that he couldn't contain it and he broke down. "I saw Chandler with Janice," he whispered out.

The three gasped. "Are you serious?" Mike said. "Jesus, why would he do that? He loves you."

Joey shook his head. "God, I can't even think straight right now. He was with someone else and yet I..."

"You still want to see him?" Ross offered.

Joey nodded. "I want to see him. I want to know why. I want to know what went through his head." He laughed, though no humor could be heard in his quivering voice. "Some part of me wants to forgive him and the other part wants me to leave him. I just need some clarity, you know?"

Phoebe nodded. "Maybe you should go see him."

Joey shook his head. "That's the thing. I want to see him but at the same time I'm scared of what might happen if I do."

All three of them nodded. "If you need a place to stay, Joey, you can stay with me for a while." Ross offered.

Joey smiled sadly. "Thanks, Ross."

He wanted to scream.

It felt like years had gone by for the both of them, but it was only a week. Chandler knew he would be phased out of the group like Kip had been, but he didn't know it would happen this fast. He stayed in his apartment mostly. He was scared to leave for fear of seeing one of the gang and have them chew him out for what he knew was his fault.

He'd hurt Joey. It was his fault.

His mind supplied him with all the information he needed. The only reason Janice would kiss him is if he'd let her. He obviously somehow signaled her that she could kiss him. He didn't know what signal it was, but she wouldn't have done that if he didn't allow it somehow. He didn't push her away, either. Does that mean he actually wanted it?

He let himself drown in his doubts for another week.

Joey sat in Ross's apartment as he, Ross, Richard, and Mike spent some quality guy time together. Joey also wasn't completely stupid. They were trying to cheer him up and get him to move on from Chandler.

He couldn't though. He just couldn't. He was going to propose to the man for God's sake. It wasn't that easy.

He didn't think he'd ever move on. He didn't want to.

"Hey, guys?" Joey questioned, speaking for the first time since everyone walked through the door.

They all turned to Joey. "What's up, man?" Mike questioned.

"I know you all made me promise, but I can't. I just can't do it." He breathed heavily. "How is he?"

Ross eyed him with thinly-veiled pity. "He didn't speak when I was over there last, but honestly? He looked miserable." When Joey looked as if he were going to get up and head over there right now, Ross changed tactics. "But that doesn't matter anymore. He hurt you. He should be hurting the way he is. He needs to feel regret for what he did.

"Take it from someone who did cheat. He needs this." Ross explained.

Joey sighed in frustration. "Ross, you still got Rachel regardless. It was a once in a million shot that Rachel took you back."

"Well, are you going to take him back? Can you look him in the face every day, knowing what he did to you? I know for a fact it'll always be in the back of your mind. You'll always wonder where he's going when he leaves your place alone. It'll never go away. Can you live with that?" Richard said.

Joey stared at nothing in particular, looking completely lost. "I... I don't know."

"Well, if you can answer that, then make your choice."

Joey nodded. "I'm sorry for ruining tonight. It wasn't supposed to be depressing."

Ross shook his head fervently. "No, Joey. You are fine. Breakups are hard, I know."

Joey smiled sadly, pretending that the word 'breakup' didn't completely crush him.

 _I miss you, Chandler._ He thought miserably. _I love you more than anything, more than anyone else I've ever known, but I don't know if I can be with you, knowing what you did._

That realization only made his pain worse.

Rachel and Monica were out at a diner somewhere discussing the latest development with their two friends' relationship.

"Can you believe Chandler would do something like that?" Rachel said.

Monica shook her head. "I don't know. I don't want to believe that he'd cheat on Joey, but he hasn't denied it so he must have."

"Why though? They weren't exactly having problems as far as I know."

Monica nodded thoughtfully. "I really don't know, Rach. I can barely wrap my mind around Joey and Chandler splitting up. I thought they would be together for the rest of their lives."

Rachel groaned. "I don't like this. I just cannot believe that Chandler would do something like this. There's just no way!"

"You're right. He wouldn't. Chandler's too nice." A familiar voice mumbled behind Rachel.

Monica, who was in the booth across from Rachel, saw the woman perfectly. "Janice! What the Hell are you doing here?" She said angrily.

"I need you both to hear me out. I would go to Joey with this, but I don't think he would see me right now."

"You're damn right. What makes you think we'll listen to you?" Rachel spat.

Janice sighed. "Because Chandler didn't kiss me. I kissed him." Janice mistook their shocked expressions for disbelief. "You have to believe me! You know Chandler! Whenever a woman kisses him he freezes. That's exactly what happened. I kissed him by surprise and Joey just walked in at the wrong time."

Monica eyed her suspiciously. "Then why wouldn't he say something? Why hasn't he said anything?"

Janice shook her head. "I don't know. I honestly have no idea why he hasn't tried to explain to Joey what really happened."

Monica and Rachel eyed each other. Chandler did have a self-depreciating side. It was the reason Chandler ended up in the hospital. It was the reason Chandler almost killed himself. "We believe you," the two women said at the same time.

Janice sighed in relief. "Is there any way to salvage their relationship?"

The girls thought about Joey's naturally forgiving nature and Chandler's uncanny ability to win the man over and they nodded. "They'll be okay. They just need a little shove in the right direction."

Chandler heard a knock at the door. _Probably Ross for more of Joey's things._ He thought miserably. When Ross had come the first time, the man didn't even speak to him, didn't even look at him. He deserved it. He deserved everything.

To his surprise it was Rachel and Monica. "Chandler, can we come in?" Monica asked slowly.

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, sure." He cleared his throat. He hadn't used his voice in a while.

Once Chandler shut the door, Rachel wrapped her arms around him. "We know you didn't do it, Chandler." She said softly.

Chandler's eyes widened. "What gave you that idea? Of course I did. I kissed Janice."

Monica eyed him suspiciously. "Janice came to us the other day and told us everything. Why haven't you told Joey the truth?"

"What truth?" He asked angrily. "I. Kissed. Janice. I fucked up. It's my fault."

Rachel shook her head. "No, you didn't. She kissed you. She kissed you and you froze up like you always do when something you don't expect happens. Everyone does. You're just..." She trailed off, trying to find the right words. "Not very good at recovering from the shock of it right away."

Chandler glared. "Look, it doesn't matter who kissed who. Joey's better off anyways. He'll be fine."

"Is that what this is about? You think Joey's better off without you?" Monica made a noise of disbelief. "Chandler, he's miserable! He misses you! He asks about you every day!" She yelled.

Chandler shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I fucked it up so it doesn't matter anymore."

Rachel wanted to scream. "You cannot ruin your chance of happiness because you think the other person would be better off without you! He's not! I promise. He loves you. He misses you. You have to tell him the truth!"

"Go away, both of you." He said angrily. "I don't need this right now."

"No, you need to hear this. You just don't want to," Monica explained. "We'll leave, but you need to tell Joey the truth."

As they left Chandler slid down the door, cradling his head between his knees. He stayed there for a long time before standing up and going back to bed. He laid there for hours before exhaustion overwhelmed him and he finally fell into a fretful sleep.

Ross was on the phone with what sounded like Rachel when Joey got out of the shower. He wasn't one for eavesdropping, but he listened to Ross's one-sided conversation.

"You're kidding. And he's not saying anything?"

Pause.

"Well, why not? If he didn't actually do it – if Chandler didn't actually kiss her – why doesn't he want to tell Joey?"

Joey gasped. Chandler didn't do it?

"Dammit... I don't know how Joey does it. That man thinks he needs to sacrifice himself for everyone. Do you want me to tell Joey?"

Pause.

"Okay, I won't. Love you, Rach."

Pause.

"Bye."

Ross turned when he felt a pair of eyes on him. He winced when he saw Joey. "You know Rachel is gonna kill me for letting you hear that, right?"

Joey wasn't even mad that they were all going to keep it from him. He had to find Chandler. He had to go home. He had to know why he didn't say anything. "You're lucky there's hope for this or I would be pissed at you all right now." Joey said as he grabbed his coat.

"In our defense, we felt that Chandler needed to be the one to tell you."

Joey laughed for the first time in forever. "You really think that the self-sacrificing Chandler Bing would tell me anything if he's got his mind set on something else?"

Ross shook his head. "Probably not."

"Thank you for letting me stay here for a while, but I gotta go home now. See you, Ross."

He was out the door without hearing Ross say anything else.

Chandler had given up on sleep after the fifth time he woke up. It was the middle of the night and he couldn't sleep so he just laid there. He looked over at the empty spot on the bed, tears threatening to well up in his eyes.

He really needed to stop crying.

Chandler rolled over and opened his desk drawer to pull out the note Joey had written him along with the rose. He read the last sentence, something he had done over and over these past two weeks:

 _When you do eventually find your light, hold on to it and never let go._

Joey was Chandler's light. He was the reason Chandler hadn't thought about suicide in at least two months. Strangely enough, even with this heartbreaking split, he hadn't thought about suicide. Even now, as selfish as it was to think that Joey still cared about him, he knew that it would tear Joey apart if he even tried, so he didn't. He didn't let it even enter his thoughts.

Joey had said to find his light and to never let it go. But wasn't that exactly what he was doing, letting it go?

Chandler looked out the window. There was a blizzard outside. The snow was coming down in waves and it didn't seem like it was stopping any time soon. He wondered what Joey was doing right now. Was he watching the snow like he was? Chandler thought about the time they chased each other in the snow, the first time they said 'I love you' to each other.

"I still love you, Joey," Chandler said to himself. Slowly Chandler sat up in bed. Was he really going to wallow in self-pity this whole time?

There was a long silence before Chandler stood up quickly. "Fuck it. I need you, Joey."

He wasn't going to let his light go that easily. He wasn't going to let their relationship end without a fight.

As Chandler grabbed his coat and other winter gear, he walked out the door, determination in his eyes as he started his walk to Ross's apartment. _I'm coming, Joey. I'm not giving up._

He was halfway there when he quite literally ran into someone on the sidewalk. "Sorry," he mumbled, pulling his coat further around him in a subconscious defensive gesture as well as a way to conserve heat in the chilling snow. He wished it wasn't so cold.

Looking at the man, he saw that it was Joey. "Chandler?"

"Joey?"

They stared at each other for a long time before Chandler broke. "Joey, I'm so sorry. Now that I'm here it sounds so stupid and you probably won't believe me but I swear I didn't kiss her. I didn't"-

Joey pulled Chandler into his arms, both men instantly feeling warmer in the close embrace. "I know, babe. I know."

Chandler didn't realize he was crying until he saw that Joey was too. "I'm so sorry. I just... I just thought..."

"You thought I would be better off without you, right?"

Chandler nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I got things twisted around in my head and I'm sorry."

Joey pulled away so he could stare into Chandler's eyes. "I do love your twisted mind," he said with a smirk, trying to joke.

For the first time in two weeks, Chandler started laughing. It wasn't even that funny of a joke, but he couldn't stop. He had almost lost this, almost lost Joey.

Joey pulled Chandler back long enough to readjust him in a better position to press his lips against his own.

Two weeks. Chandler went without this for two weeks. He went without Joey's strong arms holding him up when his lips would bring him to his knees. He went without the way Joey tasted as his tongue ventured passed his lips.

He went without Joey for two whole weeks. How he survived, he'll never know. Chandler cried, sobbing out his apologies and Joey kissed each tear that fell, silently forgiving him with each press of his lips against the other man's cheeks.

It was terribly cliché, but sometimes people need even the cheesiest moments.

As the snow covered them, they kissed until they absolutely had to pull apart. Joey entwined their hands, smiling brightly at Chandler. "I missed you so much," Joey said. "I'm sorry."

Chandler's eyes widened. "You're sorry? No, this is wrong. This is very wrong." He made a confused look that could only belong to Chandler Bing. "You are sorry? Why?"

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. You tried to tell me that it wasn't what it looked like and it wasn't. I should have believed you and I didn't. If I had believed you like I should have you wouldn't have gotten things twisted up in that overly analytical mind of yours. For that, I'm sorry."

Chandler laughed. "Where'd you learn 'analytical,' Joe? Did you get ahold of my dictionary? I told you it had large words in it, but I never knew you'd actually learn from it!" He joked.

Joey punched Chandler lightly in the shoulder. "Shut up, Jackass."

A soft smile pulled at Chandler's lips. "I love you, Joseph Tribbiani."

Joey smiled back. "I love you, too, Chandler Bing."

They kissed once more before beginning their walk back to their apartment. Joey would have to get his things back from Ross's, but that was trivial.

He had Chandler. He had him back and he wasn't going to let him go.

Joey fiddled with the ring box in his coat pocket. He carried it around all the time in fear that Chandler would find it. Even after he thought Chandler had been with Janice, he couldn't bring himself to let it go. He just had a feeling that he needed to keep it.

He sent a silent prayer of thanks to God.

Back at the apartment, they practically ran to their room. They undressed quickly and collided almost painfully, jumping into bed and having the best sex of their lives.

As they slid into the familiar intimacy, only a few phrases left their lips. "I'm sorry," Chandler would say, gasping as Joey slid into him.

"It's okay, baby. I'm never going to let you go," Joey said as he picked up the pace.

"I love you."

The next few days were mostly relaxing for Chandler with the exception of helping Joey move back in. Ross was chewed out by the girls for supposedly telling Joey everything when he was specifically told not to, but when they all saw that Joey and Chandler were back together again, they all breathed a sigh of relief, ignoring Ross for the time being.

After the two men explained what happened in as detailed as they were going to get, they returned to their apartment for more amazing sex.

While Chandler was at work, Joey set about making calls to everyone he could think of. He first called his parents to get them to drive to the apartment where the big surprise would be held, then nervously called Chandler's parents, both were ecstatic. The girls freaked out when they found out what Joey was going to do, quickly accepting having the big party at their place.

He was so nervous. It wasn't even near the time for it, but he felt like his palms would permanently be sweating. He was still happy, regardless.

After all, he was finally going to propose to Chandler.

The thought of losing him again was too much. He wanted Chandler to know everything. He wanted him to know that Joey wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

The big event was going to be happening on his birthday in three days. This was how the girls could shroud the decorations. They were going to be decorating the apartment for Joey's birthday, but in all honesty it was for the big proposal.

As the big day drew near, Joey couldn't help but feel anxious and Chandler could feel it radiating off of the man.

"Hey, Joe?" Chandler called. "You seem a little... antsy. Are you okay?"

Y-yeah!" Joey said nervously. "I'm just... just excited for my birthday is all!"

Not a complete lie.

Chandler eyed him disbelievingly, but nodded. "O... Okay, Joey. Whatever you say."

Today was the day. Chandler's family flew in, Joey's family was all here. They were all in the house waiting, hiding, Joey the only one out in the open, standing in the center of all the girls' hard work with the beautiful decorations. Even Helena had said something when he – she – walked in.

It was a complete mixture of every memory Chandler and Joey had shared based on Joey's recollections. There were pictures, knick-knacks, even a rose that looked similar to the one Joey had given Chandler. Joey knew where Chandler kept the real one, but he didn't want to take something that Chandler held dear to use for mindless decorations.

As everyone hid, Phoebe kept lookout, waiting for Chandler to come down the hall. When she spotted him, she whispered excitedly, "He's coming!"

As Chandler walked through the door, Joey smiled softly at Chandler's surprise and confusion when everyone jumped out and shouted, "Surprise" at him.

After Chandler's heartbeat calmed down and he recovered from the unmanly yelp he had made, he said, "Uh, guys? As much as I appreciate having the ever-living shit scared out of me, isn't that supposed to be for Joey? He's kind of already in here." Then Chandler eyed his parents. "Mom, Dad? What are you doing here?" He turned to Joey. "Joe, what's going on? Why are you in a suit? Is everything okay?" He suddenly eyed his love with concern. "Joey, please don't tell me you have cancer. I don't think I can handle that."

Joey laughed softly before beckoning Chandler over, said man complying. "No, Chandler. I don't have cancer, but I did call them here for a big announcement, hopefully a good one."

Chandler, ever the oblivious one, asked, "Okay? What's up, Joey?"

Joey closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, his expression was serious, yet adoration poured from them as he stared into Chandler's unsuspecting and worried eyes. "Chandler Bing, I want you to know that you are everything to me. You are kind, selfless, loyal to the core, and just everything I could ever ask for."

Chandler was slowly starting to catch on. "Joey?"

"After everything we've been through together, I want you to know that I can't imagine my life without you." He bent down on one knee, revealing the ring he had bought a while ago. He watched Chandler's eyes widen almost comically, his free hand going over his mouth and then running through his hair. "So, Chandler Muriel Bing, will you marry me?"

Chandler smiled down at Joey, tears falling from his eyes. Then, in a perfect Chandler moment, he started talking. "W-What kind of question is that, anyways? I mean, 'Will you marry me?' Who could say no to that? Who could say no to you? Why would you even ask that? It's a stupid question really..."

"Then what should I ask?" Joey questioned, trying to be hopeful but fearing the worst.

"Duh. You should ask, 'When's the wedding?'" He said. "Of course I'll marry you, Joey. Saying no isn't even an option." Chandler's voice had become a shaky whisper, but he smiled happily as tears of joy fell down his cheeks.

With trembling hands, Joey slipped the ring onto Chandler. After Chandler had eyed it for a moment, he tackled Joey to the ground, kissing the man for all he was worth. The group of people cheered, happy that their friends and sons had received the happiness both of them deserved.

When the group realized the two might just end up doing it right in front of them, they cleared their throats while Helena tapped Chandler on the shoulder. He blushed furiously, muttering an apology.

"It's okay, Chandler!" She said. "I would throw down right in the living room too if I knew I had wrangled a man like that!"

Chandler laughed, as did Joey.

The party continued. Chandler had bought Joey a present, so he gave it to him amongst the chatter of his friends. "What is this?" He asked, holding the rose in his hand.

Chandler blushed, though he couldn't hold back his sarcasm. "It's a rose, Joe. See? Petals!"

Joey glared. "I can see that. I mean, you gotta offer me an explanation?"

Chandler nodded. "Just look at it for a minute."

Joey did as he was told and studied the flower. It was a completely white rose. There were no spots on it at all. Even the stem was white.

Chandler knew Joey wouldn't get the meaning unless he explained, so he did. "When you gave me my rose, you told me to find my light and never let it go.

"But Joey, you're my light. You're the reason I fought suicide. You're the one thing that made me hold onto life." Chandler breathed heavily, thoroughly embarrassed by his chick flick moment, but continued. "I've found so much to live for these past few months and, if it wasn't for you, I never would have bothered trying.

"You're the reason I want to live, Joey."

Joey's eyes widened. "Y-you do? You're okay now?"

Chandler smiled softly. "I should probably keep taking my medicine, but yeah, Joe. I'm gonna be okay. I promise."

Joey reached over to pull Chandler into a kiss.

They had never been happier. This moment, this moment with their friends and family, was the happiest moment of their lives. Nothing could beat the happiness they felt right now.

Well, except maybe a wedding. Or a honeymoon. Maybe a kid or two.

They'll just have to wait and see.

* * *

 **So, what do you think? Good? Bad?**

 **I wrote this story as a way to deal with my own depression. I've never tried to commit suicide, but I have thought about it.**

 **I just hope others with depression will reach out to others. Don't let it get as far as Chandler took it. You might not be as lucky as him.**

 **Remember, people love you. People care about you. I care about you, even if you don't believe it.**


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